Sociability is the ability to quickly establish contacts and build relationships. Sociability - the need for communication and focus on others. Being outgoing is more difficult than communicating with everyone, but quality is more valuable.
Sociability is often mistaken for sociability, but this is not the case. People - may not be sociable, while their opposites - may be fluent in communication skills and have a reputation for being outgoing.
Sociability is the ability to establish warm, trusting relationships with people, earn respect from them and even raise their own self-esteem. A sociable person may turn out to be quarrelsome, tactless, overly talkative, and dealing with such a deal is not a pleasant occupation.
Being sociable is a big advantage. Employers value communicative people, they enjoy authority with employees, clients and competitors, they are trusted, they are loved by friends and relatives. They have many useful connections, which is important when building a career and personal life, it is easier for them to get the information they need.
And all because, communicating with people, they establish two-way contact with them and do not put pressure on them with their knowledge, eloquence and significance. Often they listen more than they speak themselves, while they are active listeners.
American actor and screenwriter of the last century Chauncey DePew said that no other human ability would allow him to make a career and gain recognition as quickly as the ability to speak beautifully. And the ability to speak beautifully is an indispensable condition for sociability.
Is this an innate character trait? After all, it so happens that a grandmother, who has lived all her life in the village, has more delicacy and intelligence than a city dweller with two educations! However, it doesn't matter. The main thing is that with a strong desire you can develop in yourself.
Be sociable!
1. If you want to be sociable - be silent
It would seem that being silent is so simple. But for most people, being silent is much worse than speaking.
Let's remember people from our environment and think about how many of them know how to listen to us in silence, without interrupting. Most likely, the fingers of one hand are enough to count them. What about ourselves? Do we manage to listen to the interlocutor to the end, or do we impatiently wait for a second pause in his story to turn the conversation to the topic of interest to us? Do we like to interrupt the narrator in order to finish his thought ourselves? Or interrupt his speech with the words: “I have already heard it”, “You have already said it”, “It does not interest me”?
If we belong to bad listeners, then only our friends and relatives can get used to and forgive us this shortcoming, but the rest will not tolerate it. Therefore, we will never do in areas of activity where you need to communicate with people.
Listening is not just being silent. After all, you can depict attention, delving into your own thoughts, and the interlocutor will immediately understand that he is indifferent to us. It will offend him no less than if we interrupt him and "change the record." We really should be imbued with his words and show interest by nodding our heads, phrases that will show that we have not lost the thread of the conversation, like: “Who would have thought!”, “You must have been very upset (you were glad),” etc. - depending on the situation. The main thing is to let the person talk.
There are many examples where silent listeners have been called great conversationalists.
But why should we listen to what, perhaps, we are not at all interested in and pretend to be attentive? First, we decided to become sociable. Secondly, if we did not ignore the person, but entered into a conversation with him, then we need him for some reason. But we will not interest him until we ourselves show interest and attention to him.
2. Talking to people about topics that interest them
Why? He gave an exhaustive answer to this question. He noticed that there is only one way to influence another person: to talk to him about what he wants, what he is striving for, and to open to him the way how to get it. To make it very clear, Carnegie gave an example that sales people have adopted. It is also called “the principle of strawberries with cream”.
Dale Carnegie said that he loves strawberries with cream, and fish loves worms and grasshoppers, so when he goes fishing with the intention of catching it, he hooks on the hook what the fish loves, not him, that is, the worm, not the strawberries ... Otherwise, the catch will not be seen.
This means that if we want to please a person and interest him, then we must talk with him on topics close to him, and not to us. The subject of his interests can be found out using leading questions. If we guess right, then perhaps we will not have to speak ourselves, but it will be enough just to actively listen. So we can keep up a conversation even about things in which we are not particularly competent. People like to feel their importance, so we will help them in this.
3. We cultivate tolerance
It is impossible to talk with some interlocutors for more than a few minutes, because they recognize only one point of view - their own. And it turns out, as in an anecdote about instructions for employees: “p. 1. The boss is always right; p. 2. If the boss is wrong, see p. 1 ". What kind of exchange of views can we talk about if the interlocutor immediately enters into an argument in order to prove his case!
“Do you want to be right or happy?” The sages ask and advise avoiding disputes. After all, the more we argue, the more furiously our interlocutor will defend his opinion, so we will not prove anything to him anyway. And if we nevertheless prove it, "propping him to the wall" with iron arguments, then we will feel "on horseback", and he - a fool. And he is unlikely to want to continue his acquaintance with us.
Sociable people refrain from categorical judgments. Even if the dispute is principled and we are confident that we are right, it is better to show delicacy so as not to put the other in a humiliating position and give him the opportunity to maintain his dignity. We can say something like: "Until recently, I was also sure of this, but yesterday's events showed that I was wrong."
In addition, we, too, can be mistaken, and the truth will be somewhere in between. Therefore, instead of arguing and disagreeing with the offended, it does not hurt to put yourself in the shoes of another person and understand his point of view. For example, two people looking at a rectangular table from different sides - directly and from the side - will have a different opinion about its size. And both of them will be right in their own way. So, before judging any subject, it is important to have a complete picture of it.
4. Smile
Each of us will be much more willing to deal with a person who has a benevolent smile on his face. It is impossible to be sociable and at the same time have a sour face on your face. People instinctively shy away from those from whom ill will emanate.
True, some supporters of natural behavior say that sincere unfriendliness is better than an artificial smile on duty. Nevertheless, we prefer to communicate with smiling people. And so that our own smile does not seem stuck, we do not “put on” it immediately, but a second after we see the person to whom it is intended.
5. We try to adapt to the mood of the other person
Communication can be compared to dancing, where you need to be in time with your partner, to catch the rhythm of his movement. A sociable person possesses, allowing him to feel the mood of the interlocutor.
For example, we are returning from the store, our hands are busy shopping, and we are stopped by a friend with a story about how wonderful he spent his vacation. We feel like a squeezed lemon, and it is overwhelmed with energy. At another time, we would have loved to hear him, but now his revival is only irritating.
Or we urgently need to finish a report, and a friend is excited about her daughter's upcoming wedding and is trying to tell the details. Different energy levels, a mismatch of moods can provoke a quarrel, which both parties will later regret.
A sociable person, before choosing the topic and tone of the conversation, will make sure whether they will correspond to what is now happening in the soul of the person in front of him.
Be interesting sociable person, to which others are drawn - this is a whole science. The science of self-improvement, which will not be superfluous to understand and apply in life. Unfortunately in modern world we are looking for positive not in real communication, but in virtual one. But in order to become a sociable, successful person, reality is needed. So here's our guide to action.
Psychology of communication
Any person has something that attracts people. Try to understand what is interesting to others in your person. Education? Parents? Appearance? Dating? Based on the conclusions, try to present yourself from this side. But what is the best way to do this? How to become a sociable person? Let's delve a little deeper into the ability to communicate.
Stage 1. General
It is not for nothing that the word "communication" has the meaning of "general" in etymology. Interesting communication is an interesting common, points of contact. One interest, a problem, an occupation around which the conversation is built. At first glance, this is quite simple, but the general can also be hidden.
- open communication: current work, discussion of general activities (sports, fishing, hunting, etc.);
- hidden communication: conversations in order to get rid of boredom, distract from pressing problems, make a longer acquaintance.
Council. It is necessary to identify what is interesting to the interlocutor. Even absolutely different people there will always be points of contact. Ask leading questions, ask how he spent the weekend, or free time (it is this time that a person devotes to his favorite affairs). Let him speak out, capturing what will be interesting to both of you in further communication.
Video: psychologist's advice on how to become more sociable.
Step 2. Present yourself
To become an interesting interlocutor is not to sprinkle words without stopping. First of all, interesting communication is the ability to express yourself succinctly, to present your own point of view in words. You need to learn a little more about yourself, and, if necessary, change.
- Broaden your horizons. Your chances of becoming a sociable, interesting person will greatly increase if you have some kind of skills and knowledge. Intellectual qualities in our world are highly valued in communicative communication.
- Smile. Friendliness is the key to winning people over. Always try to be fun (no overuse) and positive.
- Be active. Communication is a process of reciprocity. Not only do you need to visit guests, but also arrange evenings of meetings yourself, invite colleagues, friends and acquaintances to your place.
- Wit. Learn to make other people laugh. This is a rather complicated science (you need to be able to feel the interlocutors so as not to hurt them, not to offend). Jokes should not be directed at individuals, the most valuable thing in communication is spontaneous wit and neutral towards others. Don't train ahead of time - stereotypes always look fake. It all depends on the situation.
Step 3. Understanding
Know that no one is obliged to communicate with you. There are times when the most valuable communication for people is a monologue. It is worth learning to listen and hear. To understand what a person really cares about, to look into his problems. And be able to give in time useful tips... In doing so, it is best to rely on your own life experience.
- Initiative. If you follow the lead of the interlocutor and communicate only on those topics that are interesting to him - this may not be interpreted quite correctly. The other person may think that you are not interested in communication, that you do not care. Therefore, sometimes, as if by chance, nudge the speaker to switch to a topic that is familiar to you.
- Confidence. In any communication, the interlocutors must become equal. If you feel insecure during a conversation, “lower” than your opponent is an indicator of low-status behavior that you need to get rid of. They are always very reluctant and forced to communicate with such people. Observe the "golden" mean. Do not exalt or belittle yourself.
Tip: no one is perfect. In communication, you may be accidentally hurt or offended. Learn not to dwell on offenses, to forgive. But in general, you should not react to evil jokes. On the contrary, slightly demonstrate that you are hurt and immediately show the interlocutor that you have forgotten and forgiven about it.
Step 4. Optimism
We all have days when we want to be alone. There is nothing wrong. It's bad when it becomes a habit, you become a misanthrope. Misanthropy is a character trait (when it seems to you that all people exist only to offend you). This feeling needs to be fought. Try to see, notice good features and dignity in the interlocutor.
- Do not hurry. In fact, getting to know a person is not difficult. It is more difficult to become a constant conversationalist. You should not impose your communication (immediately offer to meet, persistently invite you to visit). Relationships need to be developed gradually, wait until the interlocutor himself proposes a way of communication, invites you to meet. Although perhaps this is what he expects from you. Learn to identify these facets by intonation, eye expressions, individual phrases.
- Learn to hide. Sometimes there are times when you just need to talk to at least someone - hide it. This scares people away, and compulsive communication can be taken as an unplanned invasion of privacy, which never makes anyone happy.
Tip: we are social creatures. When the majority is scared, the fear is transmitted to the surrounding minority. If you are sad, lonely - go where there is a lot of fun. A big fun company will fix everything. Don't avoid collectives. Such communication, by the way, is also a great way to become familiar. the right people, which in the usual way are sometimes unavailable.
Step 5. Simple moments
See how beautiful the world around you is, how beautiful the tender grass, trees, how iridescent birds sing. See the beauty in everyday things. Discover new facets in yourself, expand your sensitivity, absorb each new day. Rediscover the world.
- Say hello. And more often. Even with strangers, showing up at work, passing by a local janitor, in a store with sellers.
- Get a hobby. Then join a hobby club. The circle of your pleasant acquaintances will immediately increase significantly. The more like-minded people, the better.
Tip: keep a diary. Write down any progress you make in terms of developing sociability. All failures and achievements. As you re-read your notes, you will have a good, optimistic boost of confidence.
You yourself create your life, first of all you need to become an interesting, sociable person for yourself. Be sure that others will definitely notice this and will be drawn to you. Good luck in your life!
Everyone has come across a situation in life when conversation with other people does not go well or constantly comes to a standstill. How do you learn to maintain a conversation? How to become more sociable and improve communication skills? Simple but very effective advice is intended for those who want to be the soul of the company, control the course of the conversation, stop being shy or get into awkward situations.
How to become more outgoing and outgoing
1. Keep calm
Don't panic or worry about the silence in the air. This is not a time to feel guilty. "Calm, only calm!" - this is the main thing that is required in the current situation. No need to fiddle with clothes, scratch your forehead, run your eyes, sigh and crawl on a chair. Be calm and. With this behavior, you send a signal to the interlocutor that you do not mind communicating with him further. Very often, you don't even have to do anything else - the conversation will work itself out.
By the way, there are times when you don't have to speak constantly. For example, you are driving or next to the driver. If you are on an airplane, you don't have to constantly talk. There are many topics for interesting conversation, but sometimes you need to pause. Feel the fine line between sociability and intrusiveness.
2. Suggest new topics of conversation
If you talk for a long time on one topic or discuss a second's news, then sooner or later the conversation will stop. Take matters into your own hands and throw in new topics of conversation. The main thing is that they should be interesting to you and you should understand them at least a little. If you are not an art lover, then it will be extremely difficult to talk about the last exhibition of paintings. Most likely, the conversation will become another person's monologue if painting is close to him, or will stop again.
You can talk about a recently read book, an interesting movie, world news, parenting, cooking, pets, travel. The main thing is that you should have at least a minimal idea of \u200b\u200bwhat you are going to discuss.
3. Defuse the atmosphere
You are communicating about an interesting topic and you feel great. Suddenly, one of the interlocutors lets go, which to someone does not seem funny at all, but someone finds it rude or vulgar. Instantly everyone falls silent and an oppressive silence hangs in the air. One gets the impression that people have not talked about anything before.
Get started! Firstly, you will help the joker to get out of the current situation with dignity, and, secondly, you will return the conversation to square one. How to do it? Say a few general words and quickly change the topic of conversation. Your initiative will not allow the silence to take deep roots. For example, you might say, “Yes, sometimes that happens. By the way, have you heard that next year there will be more days off? "
4. Forget the words "yes" and "no"
This does not mean at all that you are deprived of the right to agree with something or not. Just make it a rule not to give monosyllabic answers, unless, of course, you specifically want to get rid of the interlocutor. Always answer questions with long sentences. This is great for helping humble people to talk. At least most of your time will be spent on answers, and not on thinking about how and who to ask about something.
The interlocutor himself will find something for him to catch on, if your answer contains at least 10 words. Remember how the proposal is built? It is necessary to say who did what, add the scene and time, decorate the sentence with adjectives.
Simple example:
Have you seen the new movie?
Nobody else will ask you about anything else, because people don't like to feel like investigators and knock out answers from others.
Feel the difference:
Have you seen the new movie?
Yes, I went to see him last night to see my favorite actor, and took with me a friend whom I hadn’t seen for many years because she recently became a mother.
Believe me, no one will call you chatty. For half an hour you will be busy discussing the movie, the cinema, your friend and her baby.
5. Leave your interlocutors for a minute
If none of the above methods helps, but you still need to do something with the hanging silence, then go away "powder your nose", talk on the phone or go to the bar for a new drink. What will it give?
First, there is a chance that the situation will return to normal without your participation. For example, people can gossip a bit about the dress or shoes you are wearing. Someone will take your place, someone will keep you company - any movement in a swamp of silence will scatter over its surface with at least some waves of revival.
