Persistence, like other qualities in a person, can and need to develop and train. The sociability itself represents the "cocktail" from several other properties, abilities and qualities of the person, such as, for example, the courage, readiness, education, sincerity, self-confidence. Even such a simple listed of the qualities necessary for communication takes place "without clamps", naturally and interesting for all participants in the process, gives an idea that insufficiency on any of them can lead to a problem in communication. Darya! But the most, in my opinion, the necessary quality for sociable man is self-confidence. It seems that this is a major problem that interferes calmly lead conversations on any topics and make new relationships with people. And the matter is, perhaps, not only in your early relationship with your school girlfriend. You did not indicate how you are taken in the family, as you can express your opinion in it, as your words in the family belong. Psychologists quite reasonably believe that all human "problems and complexity" originate in the family, in childhood. After all, this is the first "scene of life", by which each of us first goes out and shows itself, and then agrees his behavior with others. And it is from the family, the relations inside it depends as far as a person easily and easily manage to imagine itself to the whole world, other people. Very often there are insufficient experience of relations between family members, the unequalities of such relations over time creates difficulties in relations with other people in society. Therefore, for a start, I would recommend "see" to your life from the position of your family relationship experience. Did you often not give words? Did you often cut your speech? Were you interested in your thoughts and opinions to other members of your family? If you can answer most of the questions, it means that there may be a peculiarity of your type of personality and temperament and exercising in self-confidence, for example, in public speeches, you can overcome this stiffness over time and develop so necessary confidence for normal communication. . If the questions set above you will receive a confirmation that the insecurity of this is a consequence of attitudes towards you in your family, then there are correlating actions to restore self-confidence, but in this case some trainings, in my opinion, are not enough. Work with a specialist (psychologist) is needed, which will help you understand and rethink a similar situation, take into account its influence on your life and develop a way to cope with "acquired" interfering qualities. But for a person who wants nothing impossible! You only have to want and you can always achieve change in your life, because it is yours and only you have the right to fill it with events, knowledge and skills that are interesting and necessary for you. The main thing is to understand your desires and work on to have as many ways as possible to implement them! Love yourself, make a filling of your life at your own discretion!
This post on one side will affect the important question that many people arise - I do not know what to talk to people. On the other hand, the post will be built somewhat in an unusual way, namely in the form of a question and answers - that is, in the form of a dialogue, the exchange of information.
One of the most useful crafts is the craft of communication. And when you do not know what to talk to your potential interlocutor in a particular situation can greatly harm. So what to do if I don't know what to talk to people?
Opinion 1.
The most important skill in communication is the ability to listen. Many love to talk and want to say that not everyone can be interesting. Short comments, gestures, Yeah / Yeah, questions - this is what will show your interlocutor that you listen to him and will come up with that.
Opinion 2.
What topics can be discussed - you can start with the weather, the situation in the world, the current news and so on. People have those themes that those want to discuss. The main thing to hear the invitation to discuss these topics - you talk about the weather, the interlocutor comments with a bias on his garden. Obviously, before you an avid gardener, who will be interested in discussing his potatoes, strawberries or flowerbed with flowers.
Opinion 3.
If you have nothing to talk about with a person, you may be able to concentrate on the search for whom it will be interesting to speak. Often it happens that with one, well, not to find general topics, and with another you can chat in days. I do not know what to talk about with people - just looking for those with whom you can talk.
Opinion 4.
The basis of any communication is interest. Before you, a man, the soul of which is dwarf. It is enough to ask a few questions about the interlocutor itself, to express sincere interest. People love to talk about themselves and if you see that you can tell you about yourself, then the dialogue can be easily built.
Opinion 5.
The question can be supplied differently - you do not know what to say or are you shy to talk? It is also necessary to divide - if the whole thing is in the complexes, then you need to fight with these complexes, and not to look for topics for conversation. These are completely different things.
Opinion 6.
You are going to communicate with a living person. Communication is primarily a dialogue, not a monologue. Two communicate. If the conversation is not glued, then you need to think, and whether the conversation needs a conversation. In any case, you can simply directly ask what is interested in a person, what kind of interests that loves to do and so on.
Opinion 7.
I do not know what to talk about people? Yes, about anything - about sports, politics, relationships between people, about money. You can discuss news, new film. You can talk about your plans about your goals. You can talk about past vacation. I once knew my acquaintances about how unsuccessfully bought Belyash at the station. I asked him why he told it. He answered that he just remembered and had to go to the Word. In general, the dialogue between two people may not be the exchange of valuable information, it can be perfectly useless and meaningless touching.
Opinion 8.
Looking with whom and for what purpose to talk. You can prepare a couple of stories at leisure. For example, I feel the story of one Japanese island, I do not remember the name. I used to produce coal and on a small block of land in the ocean, a fairly densely populated city grew. Coal ended, people left this city. And now, somewhere near Japan there is a ghost city, surrounded by the sea, with high-altitude houses and without people ... such stories can be found thousands, to prepare them and tell when it is necessary.
Opinion 9.
There is such a method - a bredogenerator. You say some kind of phrase. The interlocutor can also answer something. Then you say about what the previous "portion" of dialogue ended. For example:
"I just returned from vacation yesterday" - "During the holidays, I rested in the mountains" - "In the mountains it is interesting that the weather is changing very quickly" - "I don't know why, not since childhood I love rainy weather" - "I remember in My childhood and I went fishing with friends. "-" On the next weekend I am going for fishing "and so on.
Opinion 10.
You can communicate with questions - provocations. For example, I read in one journal that every person is on average ten times a day? And how often do you tell a lie? "/
Psychologist's response:
Hello, Daria!
Persistence, like other qualities in a person, can and need to develop and train. The sociability itself represents the "cocktail" from several other properties, abilities and qualities of the person, such as, for example, the courage, readiness, education, sincerity, self-confidence.
Even such a simple listed of the qualities necessary for communication takes place "without clamps", naturally and interesting for all participants in the process, gives an idea that insufficiency on any of them can lead to a problem in communication.
Darya! But the most, in my opinion, the necessary quality for a sociable person is self-confidence. It seems that this is a major problem that interferes calmly lead conversations on any topics and make new relationships with people. And the matter is, perhaps, not only in your early relationship with your school girlfriend.
You did not indicate how you are taken in the family, as you can express your opinion in it, as your words in the family belong.
Psychologists quite reasonably believe that all human "problems and complexity" originate in the family, in childhood. After all, this is the first "scene of life", by which each of us first goes out and shows itself, and then agrees his behavior with others. And it is from the family, the relations inside it depends as far as a person easily and easily manage to imagine itself to the whole world, other people.
Very often there are insufficient experience of relations between family members, the unequalities of such relations over time creates difficulties in relations with other people in society.
Therefore, for a start, I would recommend "see" to your life from the position of your family relationship experience. Did you often not give words? Did you often cut your speech? Were you interested in your thoughts and opinions to other members of your family?
If you can answer most of the questions, it means that there may be a peculiarity of your type of personality and temperament and exercising in self-confidence, for example, in public speeches, you can overcome this stiffness over time and develop so necessary confidence for normal communication. .
If the questions set above you will receive a confirmation that the insecurity of this is a consequence of attitudes towards you in your family, then there are correlating actions to restore self-confidence, but in this case some trainings, in my opinion, are not enough. Work with a specialist (psychologist) is needed, which will help you understand and rethink a similar situation, take into account its influence on your life and develop a way to cope with "acquired" interfering qualities.
But for a person who wants nothing impossible! You only have to want and you can always achieve change in your life, because it is yours and only you have the right to fill it with events, knowledge and skills that are interesting and necessary for you. The main thing is to understand your desires and work on to have as many ways as possible to implement them!
Love yourself, make a filling of your life at your own discretion!
