We were all little girls once. The Soviet institution of the family was built on inviolable dogmas: a man is the head of the family, he must be the breadwinner, and a woman must devote herself entirely to the family - cooking, cleaning, raising children, or doing minor work for her own consolation. The world does not stand still and in modern life there are completely different truths, different rules and a different rhythm. A woman must have time to do everything - clean, wash, educate, and even earn on par with a man, since in our time, women are very often the only ones on whom the whole family rests. And we must look our best, there can be no excuses! There is no question of a vacation or just going to the movies, no whims. Everything is especially acute before the “X” days, when hormones create a real hurricane inside us.
Tenderness, femininity and fragility are an unaffordable luxury for us! But a modern woman so wants to be just as feminine and soft, this is where the blues and tearfulness come from - I so want to forget about responsibility, about duty, at least for five minutes, and just be weak! It is important not to indulge in self-criticism and not to be ashamed of these desires. It’s much worse to dive into these problems headlong and bury them deeper and deeper!!! Remember, if such negative emotions are ignored all the time, they can lead to serious consequences and undermine your health. Feel free to contact us if you feel the need for psychological help.
Fast decision. Everyone has the right to make a mistake or do something differently than expected. It is clear that the helpless state depresses you. Everything is done and the mistake can no longer be corrected. This happens to everyone often. You are simply pounding and it is very difficult to contain the tension, you want to sob at the top of your voice, scream at everyone around you! Don't hold back this impulse! Leave the office for a while so that no one notices your mood, find a secluded place and immediately take a deep breath - exhale, maybe even out loud. Then tense every muscle in your body and inhale deeply, then exhale slowly, repeat this several times. After these exercises it will become much easier. At the end of the working day, do not rush to get behind the wheel and do not get on the bus, it is better to take a short walk, breathe some fresh air, look at store windows, dream about something very pleasant, and you will not notice how the morning “catastrophe” has long since evaporated.
"Pitfalls" of independence
You have many friends and you often get together in groups on weekends. No worries, no hassle... Paradise, and that’s all, one can only envy! It’s sad for you to look at your friends, burdened with family and home, because they have the same opportunity as you to do whatever and whenever they want. The life of friends is subject to a special daily routine. But when you hear a conversation about a wedding or that one of your friends (acquaintances) is expecting a child, you begin to get a little upset, and maybe even angry. Are you thinking about your life, is this how it should be? Or maybe this is not at all what you would like? A whole swarm of diverse thoughts about this populates my head. So it's not far from depression. What to do? How can I help myself?
Fast decision. Be sure to talk about this problem. Every woman has a best friend, a relative with whom she has developed a warm and trusting relationship. Cry into your vest, show your true self, discuss everything that worries you. During the conversation, maybe you will find a way out for yourself, or maybe you will be given practical advice. And just such a conversation will be beneficial, even a warm attitude towards you, a kind word of support, will cheer you up and put you in a positive mood!
Fantasize about your relationship. Dream about your wedding. Imagine what your spouse would look like, what kind of children you would have. Is your family happy? If yes, then maybe it’s worth thinking about it? And take a step towards family life. Consider another option, maybe this relationship would not be so successful and only one negative thing would remain from it.
One thing is clear, if you had given up your freedom while still a very young girl, you would not have had so many friends and acquaintances, life would not have been so rich and colorful. Imagine how many wonderful things have already happened to you and how many more new and wonderful discoveries await you!!! So don’t worry, the most interesting things are yet to come.
The perfectionist and his fears
You are a mother. In addition to the (never-ending) household chores, you also have work that you have to go to. You live according to a certain unbreakable schedule - home, work, kindergarten, school, supermarket, home. But what awaits you at home is not rest, but the same work - do homework, cook dinner, clean the apartment, you have to tackle several things at once. You have already learned to do everything mechanically, without giving yourself the slightest weakness. One might say about you “she’s just a robot!”
Everything is going well, but one day an “avalanche” happens - the porridge ran away, the children were woken up at the wrong time, everyone was late, they just got stuck at work and had to stay there until late. The store has slipped your mind and now you are sitting at home, no strength and no food either. It seems like the whole world is against you. Tears are welling up in my eyes.
Fast decision. Even on the most difficult and busiest days, you must remember about yourself! It’s not difficult at all, dedicate at least 10 minutes to yourself. There is no need to be afraid that you won’t have time to finish something. Everyone, at least for a few minutes, must be told: “Stop!” And surrender to yourself and your feelings, relax all your muscles and thoughts. And let everyone wait!
It may be difficult, but it is necessary. If your family has very small children and you have to devote the whole day to them, then ask your husband to help you in the evening. If you are raising children alone and there is no one to help, put everyone to bed early, put off “ironing and washing” (your psycho-emotional state is much more important) for later and devote your free time to yourself and only yourself. Lie down, listen to the player, or even just drink coffee in silence. This will only bring benefits! Remember - you don't have to be at the whole family's beck and call 24/7.
If your children are already old enough and do not need your constant presence, then give yourself a whole one. Go visit friends, go shopping, go to a cafe. Ask your family not to bother you with phone calls over trifles. Left without you, the family will see how much work lies on your shoulders, and you will receive a positive charge and new strength. You’ll even have time to miss everyone.
Protracted crisis
You have been saving money for your trip very persistently and for a long time. We were carefully preparing for the trip when we learned about the bankruptcy of the travel agency. The trip is canceled, it is unknown whether the money will be returned, you wander around legal offices in search of help, your boss urgently calls you to work, because the case is not waiting and your career depends on it. You are trying to control yourself, but then you are informed that the builders who were making repairs in your apartment have disappeared somewhere, leaving behind unfinished repairs and heaps of construction waste. Your head is spinning, you have no energy or money to find a new team, your relatives are bombarding you with messages that you are selfish and not interested in their affairs, they have stopped calling, etc. You want to “tear and throw”, you want to scream, but you understand that without you all this cannot be resolved or corrected.
Fast decision. It is not always possible to escape a stressful situation. There is a feeling of a vicious circle. But, since stress cannot be avoided, then we must meet it fully prepared. First, you need to tell yourself that everything has a beginning and an end. Secondly, try to calm down and try to find a way out - perhaps there will be friends who can help you in this situation. And thirdly, if you feel that you can’t cope and your nervous condition is becoming chronic, you should consult a psychologist.
There are no hopeless situations
Most often, recommendations for combating blues and stress are multifaceted. But we must take into account that we are all individual, we all react differently to stressful situations. The main thing here is to choose an effective way of fighting that suits you.
If it’s difficult for you, you feel embarrassed when talking with other people about your failures, then you can just cry. Find a secluded place and cry as long as you need to. Don’t look for your fault, this is your body’s necessary response to what is happening. While crying, you will be freed from the feeling of heaviness and irritability, and the bitterness of your experiences will go away with tears.
If you can go away for a couple of days to visit, wonderful! Unwind. Take a different route to work, shop at a new store, rearrange the furniture in your house - this will help switch your brain. Buy yourself flowers and chocolates! Do something you couldn’t decide to do before, for example, ride a roller coaster, shake yourself up! You won’t even notice how instead of stress a great mood will appear, a smile will appear on your face and life will sparkle with new, bright colors!
It is common for absolutely every person to be irritated to one degree or another. Everyone is always irritable, regardless of character, level of education, upbringing and gender. Irritability can be a character trait, or it can be a symptom of a disease. But despite this, we can control outbursts of anger and irritation; the main thing is to know the reasons for these negative manifestations.
In the most unexpected situations of our lives, we can feel increasing and strong irritation both towards a loved one and towards strangers. We may be irritated by a certain environment, situation and the whole world as a whole.
Everyone knows what irritability is and how we feel when we are irritated. But few people understand the reasons for this feeling. Many people take their irritability as some kind of psychological problem that suddenly appears and interferes with living a full life. So why is everything annoying?
Why is everything annoying and annoying? Causes of irritability
Irritability is associated with obstacles that arise on the way to a certain goal. Irritation is the first reaction to an obstacle or hindrance. For example, you planned a trip, but it did not happen due to the fault of certain circumstances or people - irritation appears. In this situation, people, things or circumstances act as irritants.
Irritability in both women and men appears when a person cannot accept the situation that has occurred as a given, and is also unable to influence its outcome.
Irritability can lead to aggression when a person has a nearby object on which to throw out his indignation. By the way, it often happens that people who suffer from irritability are in no way to blame for the problems that a person has. It’s all to blame for this vile quality of irritability, which is most directly related to the inability of our consciousness to adequately respond to the obstacle that has arisen.
This property does not appear immediately, but some time after the event in which your interests were infringed. This can happen in ten minutes, in an hour, or even in a day. Thus, completely different people, situations or environments will come under your “hot hand”. This is not always the case, but very often. At least due to the fact that the real obstacle on your way cannot experience the force of your opposition.
If there is aggression, then you will not find an ounce of irritability in it. Even those who, properly boiling and filled with not the most rosy feelings, begin to destroy the world around them, explaining to their victims how sick of everything they are, how disgusting everything is to them. But in fact, there is no longer any irritation in this person. There is only aggression in its most direct form. Therefore, irritability is always perceived as something foreign, arising in us without warning or apparent reason.
Irritability is explained as an annoying nuisance, a bad personality quality, a disturbing feeling that you want to get rid of once and for all.
But it seems you have already realized that this is impossible. On the one hand, we cannot rush with a sledgehammer at any obstacles that arise in our way. On the other hand, we cannot be indifferent when our interests are hindered and interfered with. If both of these conditions are true, then irritability appears. And that's normal, that's how it should be.
So if you look at all this from a certain point of view, a person needs irritability just as much as he needs pain. Ideally, you want there to be no pain at all. But what is important here is not even that it exists or that it does not exist, but only that it can appear when it is relevant. Pain is an immediate physiological response to an overly strong sensory stimulus that may be harmful to your body.
So why is everything annoying? And what to do if everything is annoying?
Irritability is a delayed psychological reaction to a situational stimulus that is an obstacle to achieving a particular goal.
Accept your manifestations of irritability as a natural emotional reaction to emerging obstacles.
Determine in time the reason for your indignation, what specifically interferes with the implementation of what you planned, analyze all the circumstances and accept them as they are. And then you will learn to control your manifestations of irritability and aggression without offending your loved ones.
What to do when everything infuriates and irritates you, where to start
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Aggression and irritation manifest themselves for various reasons. Most often, this is preceded by constant stress, chronic fatigue, and, less commonly, diseases of various types.
But it also happens that you can feel irritated simply by meeting a complete stranger. Antipathy can arise at the subconscious level; you have not yet met, but you no longer like him. In general, irritability occurs when there is a collision with someone or something that puts pressure on sensitive areas.
If kept within oneself for a long time, a state of irritability can develop into a strong outburst of anger, which can be followed by a serious scandal. All this negatively affects both the emotional state of the person himself and the people around him.
This becomes a real problem when a person is constantly in this state. In this case, think about the question of what to do when everything infuriates and irritates you.
To resolve this issue, it is first worth considering why anger is manifested. Find the object that causes irritation. If you cannot find the causes of this condition on your own, seek help from a specialist – a psychotherapist.
Identifying the cause of aggressiveness
Undoubtedly, the age of technology and progress brings a lot of stress to people. However, the manifestation of anger at surrounding objects or people is accompanied by a number of certain factors:
- Banal envy of what another person has;
- The shortcomings of another person that you have and you are trying to fight with them;
- Difference of opinion with the interlocutor, etc.
Do not forget that by throwing out your negativity on others, you also become an irritant for them. That's why it's so important to learn to control yourself. However, you don’t need to waste your time on the negative, try to find something positive out of any unpleasant situation.
Getting rid of external irritants
Since it is necessary to look for the cause of aggression, if it is not a health problem, then you should do this, starting with what you usually do and what causes negative emotions the most.
External stimuli may include:
- Least favorite job. If you come to the conclusion that it does not evoke any other emotions besides negativity, think about other options. Try to find the most convenient option. It would be ideal to find a job you like;
- If you don’t like communicating with certain people, then just try to minimize it or refuse it, etc.
Removing irritants is not as difficult a task as it seems. It is worth remembering that in most cases, the causes and manifestations of irritability are not in the surrounding people and objects, but in the person himself. And therefore, when some stressful situations arise, try to find positive aspects, that is, change your attitude towards what is happening.
If, for example, the cause of aggression is at work, then do not try to quit right away. Think about the benefits that it can provide (good salary or team, etc.), but they are missing, think accordingly about changing your workplace, etc.
How to deal with irritability
What to do if everything infuriates and irritates you, how to deal with it? Many people may ask this question, but the solution lies with them.
The first thing you need to do is find out the reason or reasons for your constant bad mood and then gradually begin to deal with them. In general, to deal with the source of your anger, you can do the following:
- If the reason is constant lack of sleep, try to learn to go to bed early or set aside one day a week and do what you want;
- Try not to overreact to comments made towards you;
- Don't blame other people for your own problems;
- Remember what used to bring you pleasure, do something interesting. For example, read interesting books, take up your hobbies;
- Visiting the gym, swimming pool, dancing, etc. also helps calm your nerves;
- Do yoga. Breathing exercises also promote internal relaxation;
- If possible, go out into nature or take walks in the evenings;
- During your vacation, try to go on vacation somewhere: to the sea, abroad or even to the village. It doesn’t matter where, just change the environment for this time and devote yourself to your family or yourself;
- If necessary, consult a psychologist or simply talk to any person you trust. Talk about painful issues;
- Take vitamin complexes or sedatives, etc.
In fact, there are many ways to relieve nervous tension and not all are listed here. Everyone can choose the method that is most suitable for them and use it.
If your loved ones are annoying, what to do?
It is quite common for people to vent their anger and enter into conflicts with their family. Conflicts can arise for various reasons, and if you live separately from your relatives, then try to limit your communication for a while.
If this cannot be done, then try to understand the reason for your behavior. After all, often close people are just a lightning rod, and it is wrong to take your anger out on them.
If the problem still lies in the behavior of your relatives (they constantly interfere in conversations, etc.), try to calmly have a heart-to-heart talk and explain what you don’t like about their behavior. This is a good way to solve this problem.
If you have difficulties communicating with your spouse, and a conversation on this topic did not help, try to separate for a while and think about your future. Or vice versa, go on a trip together.
What to do when everything infuriates and irritates you, you are tired of children
The most difficult situation arises when your own children begin to irritate you. If you understand that you cannot control your negative emotions, then the best option is to contact a specialist.
This is especially important when the child is under 3 years of age, it may be postpartum depression and here qualified help is very necessary. If your child has reached adolescence, do not hesitate to ask your spouse or grandparents for help.
The solution to the question of what to do when everything infuriates and irritates sometimes lies on the surface, you just need to think carefully about the current situation as a result of which you are angry.
Also, look for the most suitable way for yourself to get rid of negativity. Not all advice from people who want to help you can be useful. Strive to be positive.
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Everything infuriates and irritates - many people fall into this state, not realizing the reasons for their own uncontrollable anger. Literally everything can be annoying, and it’s not at all clear how to get rid of anger and find peace.
Aggression, anger and hatred surround many of us. In modern society, increased irritability is considered to be the norm in the rhythm of our lives, in the age of technology and information. But the reasons for your anger should not be explained only by the circumstances of your life. As you know, we ourselves are the creators of our own happiness and our own misfortunes too. Therefore, if the situation “I am constantly angry” describes your emotional state, then you should definitely understand its reasons.
If a person is irritated by literally everything and everyone around him: people, society, specific close relatives, the state, husband/wife, his own and other people’s children, the weather, someone’s behavior, etc. - of course, the point here is not only in the personal characteristics of the person himself or only in the surrounding external factors. Irritation, hatred and anger arise not simply because someone does not live up to your expectations, behaves in a particularly “wrong” way, which causes your irritation, does not correspond to your ideals, ideas about what is beautiful, right and proper.
An interesting fact has long been noticed: in people we are often irritated by precisely those traits, properties and characteristics that we have in ourselves. It would seem that this is stupidity - since I am constantly angry, hate society, certain or all people in a row - it is only because I know how to live and behave correctly, and everyone around me denies my ideals and principles! But nevertheless, the fact remains - if you hate something, despise something, or feel irritated with someone, then you need to first of all deal with the internal subconscious reasons that force you to experience such negative emotions.
Causes of personal aggression and anger
If you are interested in why something or someone irritates you: the people around you, their behavior, or any environmental factors, you should admit that it is in you. Are you annoyed by someone's manner of speaking, dressing, life position, success, status? Observe yourself and how these traits manifest themselves in you. How much do you allow yourself to behave this way?
Moreover, you can either deny the traits and factors that irritate you in yourself, scold yourself for their presence, or simply not notice that you sometimes behave in exactly the same way. Why do people annoy you? Partly because you turn them primarily on your own shortcomings, as if you are angry at your reflection in the mirror. Even if you diligently deny it and consider yourself “better” and “more correct” than the one on whom you take out your anger and irritation.
In addition to the fact that you may deny something about yourself that causes you irritation, such negative emotions can arise if
- you want to have something, but for some reason you don’t allow it (due to your limiting beliefs and attitudes); you are subconsciously attracted to what others have; and the dissonance “I want-I have” provokes aggression, envy: they could do it, but I couldn’t;
- in others, you may be irritated by your own shortcomings, which you are especially careful to combat;
- a huge number of your ideas about what is right and wrong, good and bad, worthy or despicable - force you to pay attention to the bad and get angry from the presence in your own environment, in your opinion, of everything “imperfect” and “wrong”.
What to do if everything annoys you
In any case, if you are annoyed by people, their character traits, achievements, or even their appearance, you should not rush to shift the blame onto them for changing your own mood. The outer world is a reflection of the inner world, beliefs, beliefs of a person. Your anger, hatred and resentment do not arise out of nowhere and other people are in no way the cause of it. The reason is hidden within a person.
There is a common expression that perfectly describes this situation: " in someone else's eye he sees a straw, but in his own he does not notice a log". could not be more precisely said about people who are always irritated, grumpy and indignant at everyone and everything, who are constantly infuriated and irritated by everything. Their anger is directed at others, when it is worth thinking about your own views on life and changing something in them.
Often, someone who condemns rich people and becomes furious when talking about how “everyone steals from us” most likely secretly dreams of becoming such a person and will accumulate wealth in exactly the same way if he is given such an opportunity. Some people are annoyed by bosses, barefoot people, and almost everyone dreams of becoming a boss and it is not known how he would behave in a higher position. Often people are annoyed by extraordinary and unusual people, perhaps because we are all used to keeping ourselves within the rules and do not dare to go beyond them, but for some it is as simple as breathing.
How to find peace
To cope with aggression and get rid of your own anger, you need to recognize that you yourself are its inexhaustible source. You are responsible for the occurrence of such negative emotions. The more you deny something in yourself, suppress emotions, try to comply with external rules while internally protesting, the more the outside world will show you what you don’t like. Fighting, resisting, hating and getting angry even more is not a solution, but a dead end, which will only make the situation worse and can negatively affect your health. After all, aggression, anger and hatred are very strong negative emotions that accumulate in your body and poison it.
The normal state for an internally free person is an even perception of the surrounding reality without outbursts of negativity and anger. When a person decides to deal with his own limiting beliefs and release the aggression seething inside him, he first of all learns a lot about himself and stops blaming other people and external circumstances for his own troubles. Even if a person discovers something that caused irritation in himself, he gradually learns to accept himself, and then the people around him, calmly and evenly, without outbursts of anger. reconsiders his views, his once unbreakable convictions.
Calmness, harmony - come from within, as does freedom, which no external benefits can give until a person establishes his own inner world, deals with his negative views on life, and learns to always take full responsibility for his own life, without discounts to circumstances and other reasons and excuses. Turbo gopher system may be useful for those who have decided to take such an important step in their lives, to learn how to find peace and get rid of aggression. A book with a description of the system will introduce you in more detail to what to expect and what not to expect during development. Download it possible from this site.
The information in this article is the result of the personal experience of its author, all articles are written based on their own results of using the system and are not intended to convince anyone of anything.
This site is a personal initiative of its author and has no relation to the author of the Turbo-Suslik technique, Dmitry Leushkin.
You, of course, know that they are often blamed for emotions and mood. There is some truth here, and a significant one. And the main roles in the play based on the novel “Besit” are played by this company.
1. Estrogen and progesterone are female sex hormones.
Their level and proportionality change during the cycle. Hormones give you a set of vivid sensations in the form of PMS. Or rather, not really them. Emotions are a reaction to changes in hormonal levels from the central nervous system(CNR). Have you ever wondered why some women experience premenstrual syndrome relatively calmly, while for others life is not pleasant? Yes, the first ones are unpleasant, lucky individuals, but that’s not all that matters.
“If the central nervous system reacts so painfully to hormonal changes, there are some problems in the body,” explains endocrinologist at the Atlas Medical Center, Ph.D. Yuri Poteshkin. – For example, there is not enough serotonin, which should be released in moments of joy, and the mood regularly tends to be depressed. Or pain on the eve of menstruation and other sensations in the body are so unpleasant that they give a reaction in the form of irritation.” Conclusion: with pronounced PMS you need to go to the gynecologist. And then it will be seen whether they will prescribe you anti-inflammatory drugs, prescribe a COC, or refer you to a psychotherapist.
2. Thyroid hormones are hormones of the thyroid gland.
When too many of them are produced (this is called “hyperthyroidism”), harshness, aggressiveness, and outbursts of anger appear. In the extreme, everything turns into thyrotoxicosis - poisoning of the body with excess hormones (a condition that is dangerous even for the heart). Fortunately, this usually does not come to this; the patient is “intercepted” earlier. However, he still manages to show himself in all his glory.
“An important detail: the person himself feels good, his mood is often upbeat. Those around him are more likely to complain about him,” says Yuri. Therefore, if different citizens increasingly utter phrases in relation to your wonderful you like: “You have become unbearable,” “It’s impossible to deal with you,” there is a reason to contact an endocrinologist. An additional incentive should be the accompanying symptoms: hair falls out, nails become brittle, you constantly feel hot, the cycle is disrupted, and weight suddenly disappears.
By the way, a lack of magnesium in the body can also cause nervousness and irritability. Of course, you shouldn’t prescribe it for yourself (adverse and allergic reactions have been recorded, plus you need to take into account interactions with other drugs), but if something happens, it won’t hurt to get tested and consult with a specialist.
Everything is annoying due to fatigue
The so-called manager's syndrome (synonymous with chronic fatigue) is a common thing today. Workaholics, managers, and perfectionists are accustomed to living at their best, ignoring their physiological needs, skimping on food and sleep. How can you not growl? " Gradually, this leads to depletion of the body's resources, and asthenia, a painful condition, may develop.“, which at the initial stage is characterized by increased excitability and irritability (and then lethargy, apathy, drowsiness develop, up to anxiety and depressive symptoms),” says Alexander Gravchikov, a neurologist at the Atlas Medical Center. If rest in this state does not help, you need to go to the doctor and start an examination: it is possible that some sluggish chronic disease is eating away at you from the inside or psychopathology is developing.
And by the way, be careful with sedatives. “Even seemingly harmless valerian can have side effects, including liver dysfunction (when there is such a predisposition), digestive upset, increase the risk of blood clots,” continues Alexander, “in case of hypertension, instead of a calming effect, it can have a tonic effect, and sometimes lead to apathy. In general, taking something on your own is not a good option.”
Everything is annoying because of the psyche
Your health is fine, there is no psychopathology, but you still live like on a volcano? This is the definition of your emotions given by our expert psychologist, Gestalt therapist, researcher at the Center for Professional Education of ASOU, teacher Victoria Chal-Boriu: “ To enrage means to make someone extremely angry." The latter, as Vika explains, we need in order to survive, protect ourselves, and also establish social connections, distance in communication, build and regulate relationships with people and the environment.
If you're angry about something, it means it's important to you. And this feeling is the power to somehow adapt something meaningful to yourself, use it better, integrate it into life, or, conversely, push it further away. “Then an extreme degree of anger may indicate that one of the described processes has been launched, some of the needs - to stay alive and/or to be with someone - require fulfillment.” So rabies is very much about relationships. Let's talk about them then.
In principle, it is natural to be angry. Especially in a society where there are so many people - and, accordingly, there are also many demands on the individual. Plus rudeness and aggression at every turn. " We get mad when we endure for a long time, consciously or unconsciously.“We don’t know how to do it any other way, we miss early signals from the psyche and don’t make decisions about how to cope with what doesn’t suit us,” says Victoria. - There are those who don’t hesitate. If you don’t like something, you immediately hit, shout, move, trample. It's easier for these people. For them, relationships - in principle or with a specific person - are not a valuable thing.” There’s no point in straining yourself here, just go to hell and there’s no problem.
It’s another matter if social connections are important or even extremely valuable (which is typical for neurotics): say, you are terribly afraid of losing a friend or boyfriend. Either your hands are tied, for example, by corporate culture and it is impossible to tell the idiot customer to go to hell. Then, in order to preserve the relationship, you have to take a patient position, remain silent, adapt in order to be close to someone or not lose a lucrative contract. And then all that remains is to suffer.
“When everyone and everything infuriates you, it means that everyone and everything is very necessary, but you can’t take anything important from people or the environment. There is a lot, a lot of power that is not used. It looks like despair associated with the inability to reach people,” continues Vika. But here a natural question arises. And if you, say, snapped at the saleswoman, yelled at the boss, discussed with your friends the bastard who didn’t call, isn’t this a burst of energy? “In anger, it is important where and how to direct it, our expert retorts. - It would be good for business. By yelling at your boss, you are unlikely to be able to establish contact with him; achieve your goal - even more so. When a person raises his voice, a release occurs and the tension seems to decrease slightly. But otherwise everything remains the same.” Moreover, there is an added feeling of guilt: oh, maybe I shouldn’t have offended Sergei Petrovich!
Who did you forget? A manicurist who is so interested in the future of your family. It would seem that this is just someone, but she definitely doesn’t mean anything to you. But it’s annoying! However, you also have to build relationships with “unnecessary” people and establish the correct distance. It is possible that you let the lady get too close - and now she is already invading your personal life, one might say, coming to your house, sitting on the sofa, drinking coffee. It is more convenient to discuss such cases at an appointment with a psychologist. Why does everyone become so important? Perhaps it’s the lack of good close relationships: while they don’t exist, you bring just anyone closer to you.
What to do if everything is annoying
“The beauty of the situation is that you have choice, opportunity, and most importantly, the strength to change everything,” sums up Victoria Chal-Boriu. And he offers to work productively with it. So, when everything gets annoying...
- Stop, sit down, or even lie down.
- Allow yourself to spend time just for yourself(fifteen to thirty minutes).
- Localize your feelings: feelings, tension, tingling, trembling.
- Honestly clarify who and what doesn’t suit you. Don't forget anyone, including that guy in the elevator who didn't let you go ahead. Don’t rely on your memory, take a piece of paper, a big one, and write everything down.
- Look how wonderful people are– they will all be similar in some ways. Group them according to the degree of rabies they cause or the qualities that offend you.
- Analyze what type of relationship these groups symbolize, by distance: for example, inner circle, buddies, outer circle.
- The hard part begins. You will have to admit to yourself what specific things you would like in each of these types of relationships. And then show responsibility and do something.
For example, crowds in the subway are annoying. This is a distant circle that maliciously invades your life twice a day during rush hours. What can you want in such a relationship? Of course, move a bunch of people further away. But you understand: they won’t move on their own. Choose what you will do: put on headphones or aggressive clothes - dirty, dirtying those around you; you will start growling at everyone passing by, pushing, meditating; buy a car or start walking; Eventually, you will change jobs.
In the inner circle, the settings are more subtle, although the needs may be similar. Move away or bring closer? Protect your borders from invasion or make closer contact? Again, decide for yourself. Ignore and tolerate, take risks and get closer, be interested in your partner or ask him not to do something? Finally tell your husband: let him give you flowers at least once a month or pick up your child from school. Or take the risk of discussing with him what doesn’t suit you about sex. At worst, ask him to tell his mother something important: she is not a member of your family.
Colleagues and partners. Professional relationships are a separate sphere, with a special type of distance and rules established, alas, not by you. But you can still choose whether to follow them or not, realizing, of course, that this is only your responsibility. There are options: obey and get angry, obey and accept, obey and negotiate possible changes in working conditions.
If you want to enter into a relationship, be in it, make up your mind and take a risk - start approaching people. Pay attention to them, notice how different they are (and sometimes strange, yes), be interested, be curious, invite them to communicate. Be sure that your “body movements” will not go unnoticed.
- When you have already begun to take all these responsible actions, observe whether anything changes, and try not to immediately devalue what is happening. Phrases like: “I do, I do, but nothing happens” quickly return you to your original state - and, of course, save you from change. Maybe that's what you need? Sometimes being mad is better than enduring changes in your life. And this is also your decision and your choice.
