Almost all of us have had the experience of long-distance love. It seems that many fell in love with guys who lived in other cities. Dating took place on vacation, on a business trip, on the Internet, etc. The relationship was maintained by correspondence, calls, and SMS. Is it possible to take such a relationship seriously? Is love possible at a distance or is it an illusion? Let's try to figure this out.
What is love at a distance - forms of relationships
Love by correspondence
This is a fairly common type of love. You meet a man far from home, on a business trip, internship, on vacation, etc. Maybe you even date for a while, but in the end, everyone leaves for their permanent place of residence. And the correspondence and calls begin. Your friends stubbornly continue to introduce you to representatives of the stronger half of humanity, but you continue to brush it off and prove to everyone that you have had a boyfriend for a long time!
The whole problem with this relationship is that you seem to have him, but in reality he doesn’t... You can’t come with him to your friend’s birthday, go to the theater or cinema, he won’t console you when you feel really bad or you are upset about something, etc. Such love gradually fades away, because when you love, you want to be with your loved one, to see him, physical contact is very important. There is only one way out in this situation - to move someone alone, but in reality this issue is quite difficult to solve...
Love - online
This type of love is very popular these days. People spend a lot of time on the Internet, making acquaintances is much easier than meeting in person. On the Internet, people are brought together by common interests and a pleasant pastime in chat rooms and forums. Here you can fool around, joke and at the same time not be afraid to look somehow ridiculous. Many people find kindred spirits through the Internet.
And, it would seem, what could be better than a soul mate? But, alas, most online dating does not have a chance to develop into something more meaningful than everyday communication on ICQ or on a forum. The first stumbling block is the territorial location. If he lives in Vladivostok, and she lives in Rostov-on-Don, then the maximum that they can do is meet once, there is no talk of frequent meetings at all.
The second reason why long-distance love over the Internet ends very quickly is disappointment, which, alas, is inevitable. When communicating online, we either don’t say something about ourselves, or we simply lie. We attribute to ourselves virtues that do not exist. Whatever one may say, you can only find out what kind of person a person really is through personal meetings, and there should be more than one or two of these meetings. It is this type of love that creates an illusion that almost never coincides with reality.
Love from time to time
Yes, there is this type of relationship. People meet once every six months or once a year. Having met on vacation, they agree to meet again next year, or this could be meetings on business trips. Such meetings are usually bright and passionate. Probably, this type of relationship can hardly be called love, most likely it is an adventure and a game.
Partners don’t even think about tomorrow, everything is like the last time. There is something bewitching in this relationship, there is intrigue, but, alas... there is no continuation. A lot can happen in a year or six months, therefore, as a rule, “love at a distance from time to time” is mostly entertainment and nothing more.
So is there any point in long-distance love? After all, they say that separation strengthens feelings and brings people closer together. Personally, I don't think so. A person has one remarkable quality that helps him survive absolutely everything - this is the ability to adapt to the situation. Living apart, we, simply put, get used to living without a loved one. Sooner or later the day comes when we realize that life is beautiful without HIM!
Of course, we are not talking about crazy love, this does not go away even over the years, but, as a rule, love that comes at a distance is quite immature, because lovers do not have the opportunity to get to know each other well. The feelings they have for each other are saturated with illusion and rose-colored dreams that have nothing to do with reality.
Love at a distance does not give rise to sublime feelings; it is often accompanied by jealousy, mutual reproaches and lies. Well, what should I change, and write in a letter that every day I only think about you? That you should forget to congratulate him on his birthday, and when corresponding, lie that he was very ill and was bedridden, etc.
At a distance, we can come up with anything, but you can’t do this when you look into your partner’s eyes, everything will be clear here without words.
Stendhal described love very correctly: To love means to experience pleasure when you see, touch, feel with all your senses and at the closest possible distance the being that you love and who loves you.
I don’t argue, there are cases when people correspond for a long time and, having seen each other only once, get married. But this is most likely the exception, not the rule. To love a person, you need to touch him, and this cannot be done from a distance. Otherwise, we either grow cold towards each other, or begin to love not a specific person, but an illusion that we ourselves have created...
How to survive love at a distance?
Nowadays, communication on the World Wide Web has become very popular, where people meet and communicate over a period of time. There are also different ways to keep in touch with your loved one from a distance. For example: Skype, telephone communication, World Wide Web.
You just need to understand that love that arose at a distance is feelings that, with little communication, simply fade away and are replaced by indifference. In order to prevent this from happening, you need to constantly maintain contact at a distance: call and correspond. Under no circumstances should communication be allowed to break, and all because communication plays an important role in relationships.
Without it, lovers simply move away from each other and become indifferent. Which in the end is accompanied by the rupture of any relationship. To diversify communication, you can use various letters and surprises, as well as video calls.
Some advice for those who love at a distance
Now the most popular form of communication, which replaces even natural communication, is Skype. With its help, communication seems real, but otherwise we offer a few tips for your attention:
Try filling out your letters with photographs. Which will contain both your image and the places you visit. This is so that your significant other sees the world in which you live through your eyes; this type of communication brings you closer. Send a couple of photos every day, one of which will be with you, and the second of your region or territory;
Correspond, investing all your emotions and soul. Remember that the faster you respond to inboxes, the more it feels like you are communicating at the same time;
Be an interesting conversationalist, don’t hide your opinion behind four walls. Show respect to your significant other and appreciate every minute of your communication;
The most important thing is desire. The desire to keep love at a distance, the desire to believe that everything is possible and you are always there when communicating. In addition to desire, keep faith that you will meet, that you are together and nearby. In communication, desire and faith play the main role. These two things are interconnected and without them it is not possible to survive a long-distance relationship;
Make video calls more often. Find time to communicate with your significant other at least three to four times a day. Write poems to each other, do not hide your feelings and experiences, exchange life stories and favorite music that will make you transport yourself to the distance between you.
Our century is the century of technology, one of which is the Internet. With its help we learn a lot of new things, expand our horizons and communicate with friends. Also, the Internet has become one of the main ways to meet and find a loved one.
Often this really succeeds, but fate does not always bring us together with a person who lives next to us, and what to do if you find your love in another city or even in another country. How to understand whether this is real love and whether it has a continuation, because at a distance of hundreds of kilometers from each other, it is too difficult to sort out feelings and understand whether love has a continuation at a distance.
Love at a distance: does it have a continuation?
Young people and girls write letters to our website asking us to help them figure it out. How to develop such relationships, how to live in such relationships and understand whether it is even worth living and building your love at a distance.
It is clear that these are not simple questions, and each situation is individual, but nevertheless, emerging love at a distance, of course, maybe, moreover, such love can be much stronger than the one that we give to each other, being in direct proximity. However, the strength of such love and what it rests on can be very, very fragile.
1. It is very difficult to create something real and tangible from a distance. From a distance it is difficult to show yourself and see your partner. And our true feelings and their strength are shaped by direct communication, communication in which we recognize a person from all sides, both negative and positive.
Agree, if seeing a person and constantly communicating with him, at the beginning of our relationship, we fantasize, assume and anticipate a lot about our loved one, then when a person is away from us, we do not have the opportunity to learn about him everything that shapes human relationships, and we fantasize and invent even more, and it seems to us that we completely know this person.
Unfortunately, this feature is an inevitable fact in relationships that begin at a distance, so they often do not have a happy ending. However, this does not mean that if a relationship begins at a distance, it cannot form and form a happy and strong union.
It's just something that adds risk to a relationship, something that should make you be more vigilant and attentive to the person you have feelings for.
2. Love at a distance does not last very long, because to maintain it you need communication, you need real, not virtual, actions. Learning about each other while communicating at a distance is interesting and even exciting, but at a certain stage in the relationship this becomes not enough, and real presence and real actions are required to develop the relationship.
3. Close relationships need the close proximity of a loved one, so that you can take him by the hand, cuddle him, hug him, kiss him, this is not just a desire or a whim, it is a need without which a person cannot feel completely happy.
From the above, we can conclude that love at a distance can begin, but it will continue only if those who love each other decide to reunite.
They also don’t have much time for this, and in order not to lose a loved one, the decision to come, take with them or stay should be made in the first 3-6 months of communication.
Of course, it’s not so easy to make such a decision, to pick up and leave or bring him to you, what if it’s not so serious, what if it’s a mistake, but everyone must decide for themselves. Ask yourself the question: “Am I ready to take a girl from another city with me” or “Am I ready to go to a guy, leave my family and friends for him?”
It is only important to understand, do not have illusions and do not think that you can maintain love at a distance for a long time and be truly happy at the same time, sooner or later you will want more, and the main thing then is not to regret the time that has passed.
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Valeria Protasova
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Everyone knows a lot about the most unknown feeling, surrounded by an aura of mystery and mystery - and they know nothing. Everything is very clear, we are talking about love. But it’s simply impossible to speak unequivocally about love at a distance - each of us has our own view of this phenomenon, which forms certain stereotypes - whether such love is possible or not.
Whatever situation your relationship finds itself in, remember: the culprit of all emerging problems is not distance, but people themselves . Pay more understanding and attention to your loved one, spend more time together, and then your feelings will not be afraid of any distance or interference.
What do you think about love at a distance? Perhaps you yourself have experienced a similar situation? Share your stories in the comments below!
Valeria Protasova
Psychologist with more than three years of practical experience in social psychology and pedagogy. Psychology is my life, my work, my hobby and way of life. I write what I know about. I believe that human relationships are important in all areas of our lives.
Share with your friends and rate the article:They say that separation carries the same risk for love as wind does for fire; It extinguishes the small ones, but only inflates the large ones and makes them stronger.
Close contact, mutual sympathy and attraction naturally imply desires to be together all the time.
Alas, life is an insidious thing, sometimes making mistakes and more often than necessary offering tests for love. So, does love happen at a distance, how long does it last and can you believe it?!
Reasons for separation
Maybe you have been offered a prestigious job in another city, but your significant other cannot immediately move away and say goodbye to their “habitual” office?
Or maybe you have a long and very important business trip to another country? A solo cruise at a great price?
The reasons may be less rosy. For example, forced care for a sick relative, the need to leave to earn money. Most often, feelings are tested by separation during the army period.
Methods for maintaining love at a distance:
- Declaration of love in poetic forms via SMS or letters.
- Constant calls and long conversations in the evenings.
- The Internet and its communication capabilities via ICQ or Skype.
- Order gifts from an online store, from where a surprise will be delivered directly to your loved one’s doorstep.
What is the main problem?
The main disadvantages at this time are the impossibility of personal communication and the uncertainty of one’s own marital status. After all, the second half is there, but it’s not nearby. There is no one to go to an interesting party with, to visit a fashionable restaurant, you even have to fall asleep alone.
Communication mainly takes place via telephone, Internet or good old postal correspondence. But is love possible over the Internet and at a distance? Rare meetings are perceived as a gift from heaven.
The risk of flirting on the side, making new friends and fans increases. Is it possible to feel love from a distance and remain faithful?
The illusion of loneliness
If your partner is not around for a long time, then how can you resist the temptation to attend social events? The answer is simple, no way.
Remember that you are not alone!
The remoteness of the other half is not a reason to lead a reclusive lifestyle, which ladies so often sin when they remain in the role of the Decembrist’s wife. You are not a loner, but a girl who has made her free and informed choice.
Don't ask the question bluntly!
If the absence of a loved one nearby is torture and a cross, then whether there is love at a distance is a settled question for you.
Perhaps you simply overestimated the depth of your feelings and the test is too overwhelming for you.
This is not a reproach at all, but a statement of fact.
Alone, you can weigh your situation and evaluate it.
There is a risk of starting to blame your partner for the forced separation. This may indicate weakness of feeling.
Are you annoyed with a person or circumstances? Do you want to change the situation and give up your single status? Are you burdened by your distant lover? Alas, there is no smell of love here.
With or without him?
There are no holy people, so bitter feelings visit everyone from time to time. There is a temptation to make a scandal, express your dissatisfaction and reproach your partner for something.
But a loved one remains like this even at a distance. Even if it’s hard with him, it’s worse without him, which means reconciliation is inevitable.
The second side of the illusion of loneliness presents the opportunity to begin to idealize the partner and the relationship itself. Past meetings seem like a dream, touches seem like bliss, and the meeting will ultimately turn out to be a cruel disappointment.
On a note!
They say that without separation it is impossible to fully comprehend love, because love that is tempered, in trials is much stronger than the weak and fragile one that did not know, expectation and sadness, such love crumbles into pieces like a house of cards from the slightest breath of wind.
Poignant moments
There is even a special list of nuances that most significantly change relationships that pass the test of distance:
- Lack of sex. It is very hard to bear the lack of intimate connection, the inability to make love with your partner, who theoretically exists, but is practically absent. This is often the reason for cheating in relationships.
- The second difficulty is inability to talk. The leaving partner changes, acquires new acquaintances and attachments.
It is easier for him to adapt to the world around him, since there are fewer connections with the “past” life. The partner who is left to wait is more worried, since he connects many moments with his beloved and maintains the illusion of an unchanging relationship. - The third point is change of priorities and goals, at the same time the character changes. For example, the situation with a guy leaving for the army.
He is constantly busy, finds many acquaintances with similar problems, his communication style undergoes changes, and the girl cannot get used to it. The hardest part is right at the end of the separation, when the couple is waiting for a meeting and involuntarily thinks about all the surprises that she is preparing.
Believe and feel love
The best way to assess a situation is to be inside it.
After all, it has always been fashionable to believe in love.
Romantic guys are always appreciated by girls, and romantic girls are a classic of attractiveness.
A person without love does not live, but exists, so he reaches out to feelings, searches for them and idealizes them. Finding himself in a problematic and tragic situation, a person most often changes his point of view and literally descends from heaven to earth.
Stubborn facts
According to statistics, separation of two years or less is relatively easy to bear, especially now when video calling, phone sex and joint weekends with flights are available.
But after two years of a long-distance relationship, calls become less frequent, and there are fewer and fewer things in common. Waiting risks developing into severe depression.
Distance occurs due to the fact that you want to share everyday joys and sorrows with those who are nearby. I want to make rare meetings a holiday, and this removes true intimacy from the relationship.
You can continue to believe in love and even feel it, but you will inevitably have to admit the fact that there is less passion and sincerity in the relationship. Women suffer more acutely, as they need more tenderness and daily care.
To answer the question - does love exist at a distance, you need to continue to feel love and you will have to make a lot of mutual efforts. This is the only way to continue the relationship.
So it turns out that love at a distance turns into the work of two people, it needs to be nurtured and cherished like a baby so that it grows into a serious, adult and bright feeling.
How many years does love last?
Oh, how many answers to this question - is it possible to love at a distance? Psychologists and philosophers gave advice!
But they only agree on the fact that they do not give love much time.
Someone says that love lasts three years.
Others note the crisis of three and five years of marriage, when the bonds of love weaken and the risk of separation increases. Many people remember the well-known saying about a pound of salt eaten for two.
According to simple calculations, a couple will be able to eat that much weight in two years, which means that the love that has existed for so long will live longer. The true lifespan of a feeling at a distance can only be judged by a couple.
- Period of "chemistry"- this is the emergence of passion and mutual desire, which is accompanied by increased work of the endocrine glands and chemical reactions in the body.
For physiological reasons, this period lasts no more than a year and a half, and after that the body returns to normal. In other words, this is a period of passionate desire, sexuality and greedy possession.
Alas, it’s a stretch to call this feeling love. It won't survive long term. - Real love is the fruit of teamwork, supported by trust, mutual respect and tenderness. Here the sense of ownership, selfishness and consumer attitude towards people are left behind.
By the way, jealousy at this stage most often fades into the background. The duration of such love is difficult to name with precision, because it depends on the partners themselves, and not on the reactions in their bodies. So we can call it a period of 2 years or longer.
Online feeling
So, to extend the life of love, you will have to work on it using available means. Today, Internet connection is very helpful.
- Write letters by email. Despite the rapid steps of progress and the computer revolution in the world, we are still pleased to receive letters from a loved one. Moreover, the best ones are paper ones, written in your own handwriting.
This way you can see where the hand is tired, where the thoughts are confused. But receiving emails is no less pleasant. So write, even if there is only a line with a good day wish, but this is a pleasant moment for the mood for the day. - Exchange SMS. Throughout the day, many pleasant or annoying events happen. Share them with your loved one, ask his opinion and offer your advice in his affairs. It will bring you closer.
- Use video communication. Now the choice is not limited to the Skype program, so equip your computer, phone and other gadgets with the necessary settings. Nothing invigorates and calms you down like talking to your loved one and seeing their smile.
Love at a distance is, first of all, a test that not every couple passes.
Sometimes the abundance of electronic gadgets and the presence of a tight wallet cannot help the situation.
But psychologists treat the topic of separation philosophically and do not consider it a tragedy.
Distance teaches you to maintain relationships and take care of them. You have to work every day, find time to communicate and appreciate the minutes.
On practice
The result of research by Cornell University scientists is surprising: they found that couples living apart consider their relationships stronger than 63% of couples sharing the same living space.
Feelings are tested in practice!
The decision to leave your lover at least for a while indicates the seriousness of plans for a future together and the desire to support it. True, psychologists remind us to set priorities for ourselves before “making sacrifices.”
Would you like to return to your previous partner? Isn't he an obstacle for you?
Experts are skeptical about teenagers' assurances of eternal love and strongly advise against making loud promises before separation, which is what girls and boys sin before the same army. If the feeling is real, then it does not require words, but will be proven by deeds.
You can find additional information on this topic in the section.
The article was written by a psychologist - Nelly Kupriyanova
Love is a wonderful feeling, a state of mind that sooner or later befalls every person, regardless of age and gender. This happens differently for everyone: for some this feeling comes suddenly and unexpectedly, confusing and clouding their minds, for others they carry this cherished feeling in their hearts for a very long time, and only after some time they realize that they cannot live no longer without the object of his adoration, well, someone denies with all his might that he will ever be able to love and live only for the sake of one person, but sooner or later he admits to himself that he still loves...
Love from a distance
It’s spring in the heart and it seems that the whole world is playing with bright colors, breathing easily and freely, and if a person had wings, then people in love would probably be the first to learn to fly... out of happiness.
But not everything in our lives happens the way we want it to. Sometimes fate prepares trials for two happy people in love and they face frequent and long separations. This happens for various reasons.
How many people live such a life for many months and even years. They travel hundreds of kilometers every week, shelling out a lot of money, saving during the week to be able to afford their next ticket. They often feel lonely and complain to friends that they never have time on the weekends. And what is all this for? Just to see the person who is dear and loved to them. And yes, it is worth all the effort, suffering and money!
And despite all the difficulties, living in different cities, countries and even on different continents, people continue to meet, love and wait. And what happens to feelings in this case, if you don’t see or maybe don’t hear your loved one for a long time? How to combine love and separation? This is what we want to talk about today.
Progress to help you in long-distance love
The current generation is very lucky. With the development of new technologies, communication at a distance can be maintained very often: using the Internet, mobile and landline phones (you can use Viber), video calling (Skype). You can hear and even see your loved one, and not torment yourself for a long time waiting for the postman who will bring the treasured letter from your loved one.
But there were times when separated hearts spent long and tedious days, evenings and nights with the thought of their loved one, waiting for news, a letter written by hand. And how nice it was to receive something written by the hand of a loved one, with his scent, as if a part of him. And even more pleasing was the “live” photograph printed from a film camera. You press this letter to your heart and understand that with this letter you did not just receive ink lines, you received something more... I think those who saw this time, the time of paper correspondence, will fully understand what we are talking about. Many may feel nostalgic for those times.
Nowadays, paper letters have almost been replaced by social networks and other methods of communication. And yet there are still people for whom the value of paper letters has not lost its meaning (especially for romantics, read). The choice is yours.
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Pros and cons of long distance love
No matter how absurd it may sound. After all, it’s hard for you to be apart and you think that there is nothing good in a long-distance relationship. Because you are possessed by only one desire - to see your loved one as soon as possible. However, in addition to the disadvantages (as you think), there are also advantages to such a relationship. 
So, let's start with the “pleasant”. Rare and desirable meetings “refresh” your feelings and do not allow your fire of passion to go out, rekindling it at every meeting. When you see your loved one every day, he becomes ordinary and ordinary for you. And vice versa, when he is not around for a long time, you begin to idealize him.
Your meetings become more desirable and passionate. Each of your dates is a real holiday for both. Your relationship is not put under pressure by everyday problems, which, by the way, in very frequent cases destroy the romance that you manage to get used to while apart. In addition, sometimes it is simply “useful” for each of us to be alone, think about life and sort out our feelings.
Well, now, as they say, about the sad things.
Long distance relationships make us doubt each other. After all, no matter how strong the feelings, we are all human and a very long separation, without satisfying our basic natural needs, sometimes leads to banal betrayal. Despite frequent telephone communication, video calling, etc. nothing can replace a living person.
To love from a distance, there are kilometers between you...
So, let's move directly to the question of whether love is possible at a distance. Many of my patients ask me, what should I do when my significant other is at a distance? To each of them I answer that the answer to this question lies in each of us. It all depends on how much you love and how devoted and trusting you are to each other. How long does fate test you with separations? And do you believe in fate or do you think that everything is in our hands and we ourselves are the creators of our own destiny and are able to influence its course.
Our life is full of temptations. And if your boyfriend or girlfriend is too jealous, and you don’t want to quarrel and upset your loved one, most likely you will simply “wall up” yourself within four walls and patiently wait to meet your loved one. I recommend that young couples go through a special
Most likely, such relationships are doomed to a quick (or not so quick) separation. Here we need to approach the issue of jealousy in more detail. Some are sure that jealousy is nothing more than a sign of great and strong love. Some people believe that jealousy is nothing more than mistrust, an unbridled sense of ownership and a reluctance to share a loved one with anyone. So, if you adhere to the first point of view, then most likely you will sit like a gray mouse in the corner of your room and wait for your loved one. And I’m not at all saying that you need to immediately throw yourself into all the troubles and run to “sin.” You just need to know your limits in everything and if you love a person, then first of all you need to respect him. I advise you to take the test and
How to love from a distance?
I will give you some practical tips that will help you avoid some problems and misunderstandings if you live apart from your loved one for a long time:
- Trust each other
Trust is a very important component for any relationship, especially if we are talking about long-distance relationships. Sometimes it becomes difficult to trust a person whom you have not seen for a long time and do not know what is happening to him. But mutual trust makes long-distance relationships stronger and more stable. Advice:
- Always stay connected
- Make plans together
- Don't rush the time
Listen to people who have gone through the trials of separation, live together and see each other every day. Many of them admit that from time to time they would like to take a break from each other. And this happens not because people’s feelings pass or weaken over time, but because any person sooner or later wants solitude and tranquility. Not for long. Therefore, if you are young and loved, but are in constant separation from your loved one, think about how wonderful it is that you have someone to live for, that you are not alone, that your meetings are welcome and passionate. Is not it ?
- Learn to manage your feelings
Jealousy and anger sometimes lead to quarrels. It happens that people love and trust each other very much. But jealousy, which they cannot get rid of, prevents them from living calmly and happily.
- Listen to your heart
And you also need to pay less attention to the opinions of those people who constantly say that love at a distance is impossible. Listen to your heart, trust only your loved one and be happy!
I really hope that my advice will help you understand and maintain feelings for your significant other at a distance. In conclusion, I once came across a humorous fairy tale from which I was completely delighted and always advised my patients to read it. I advise you to read the humorous
