About true love and infatuation they talk a lot, argue in search of differences and similarities. Falling in love comes quickly, but love needs time to grow, because it always took time to grow.
It is simply impossible to get to know a person in a few hours of meetings, since most of us at the first meetings “are not good in our own way,” that is, they, as it were, wear masks, seem better to us: they try not to argue, they try to hide negative character traits.
Many, in a state of love, “jump out” to get married, and then after some time, their true faces “reveal”. That is why we can consider that there is no such thing as “love at first sight.” It just can be called differently, for example: “falling in love at first sight” or “liking at first sight.” Even if it seems to you that you love him (her) very much, this is far from the case: until you really love your loved one, a considerable amount of time must pass.
I tried to highlight the main differences and similarities between love and falling in love.
differences
- Falling in love only lasts a few months, that is, a short period of time, but no one knows about love; no one knows when it will end. Falling in love usually ends as quickly as it began, only there are 2 outcomes: either separation or development into love.
- Falling in love is an unconscious feeling, love is a conscious, reasonable feeling.
- Love is not necessary after falling in love, but without it it is rare.
- Falling in love is when you don’t see anyone around you except her/him, but true love is when you begin to notice the people around you.
- Love can only be mutual, but falling in love can also be one-sided.
- Love is more reliable, down to earth, and love is “unearthly”.
- In the center of love one man, but falling in love can have some. For example: The girl has two guys, one is serious, responsible, she feels safe behind him, and the other is more relaxed, cheerful, “the life of the party.” And the girl says that she loves both, although this is not love, but only love.
- If love leaves us, it happens very slowly, but falling in love happens instantly.
- If for love, separation changes to breakup, but true love is not afraid of separation. In separation, sometimes it can even become stronger. When your loved one is far from you, it is as if you have lost a part of yourself. And this separation makes you realize that your loved one is really very dear to you. But falling in love, on the contrary, does not stand up to such a test, interest in the person immediately disappears, and falling in love also does not stand the test of time.
- Falling in love does not take into account a person's shortcomings, and love takes them into account. Love reveals the wonderful qualities of your loved one, thanks to them you can continue and develop the relationship further. And these positive qualities far outweigh those qualities that are negative for you, and they are invisible to you, “trifling.”
- Falling in love puts sex first in a relationship, but no. First of all, in true love they value and respect each other.
- If you love, you are sure of everything, and falling in love raises doubts.
- Those who truly love each other do not hide from problems, try to find their solutions, but lovers ignore them, do not try to notice them.
- Love is when you are not puzzled by finding the best companion Of your life. He is already next to you and you are confident in Him, do not compare Him with anyone, because you know that you have found something that triples you. And falling in love makes you look at others, look for qualities that are better than your “loved one.”
- Love brings out the best in you, but falling in love destroys. Love fills your life with new energy, sets a goal and arouses interest in life. She will “push” you to success. Your love will also reveal your creativity and a worthy, great goal will appear in your life. Falling in love, on the contrary, brings chaos. You become distracted, stop doing something, etc. This is the effect of love.
- A characteristic sign of falling in love is selfishness. A person who is in love thinks about himself, about his pleasures, benefits - this is first of all.
- When you fall in love, you basically fall in love with something.. Into a beautiful body, face, mind and so on, into something specific. But based on this love, it is unlikely that a successful marriage will result: over time, the appearance changes, and will already attract others, or, if you are out of your mind, then you will more than once meet people who are smarter than your spouse.
- As people say: “ Real love- this is when the thought of spending the night with another (another) causes disgust; when you want children from this person and when you imagine yourself suffering on the toilet with an upset stomach, you don’t feel funny, you feel sorry. This is definitely love.”
True love and infatuation: similarities
- Passion. You don't have to be in love to feel passion for a person.
- Proximity. With both love and falling in love, physical and, to some extent, moral intimacy arises.
- Extraordinary emotions. Those who love and those who are in love experience unusual emotions in their hearts.
Video about true love and infatuation
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Falling in love is very much like a flower: beautiful, bright, delicate, impressive. But unfortunately, flowers do not live and grow forever, but with proper care! behind them, in their place, fruits may appear - the fruits of YOUR true love. And the fruits drop seeds, which means that again there may be bursts of bright, extraordinary love in your relationship.
Do you remember the famous saying: “People love not FOR something, but in spite of everything (DESPITE everything)”? Think about it, I think you will understand the main difference between love and falling in love (try writing the word DESPITE separately for falling in love).
Many people are interested in what is the difference between love and falling in love? This question occupies the minds of boys and girls who dream of finding their happiness. The majority are not at all able to recognize the difference between these concepts, to see the significant difference. It seems to them that they can easily put an equal sign and not think about it for too long. Meanwhile, the difference between love and falling in love is as huge and significant as between great happiness and fleeting joy that passes after a moment. How to distinguish love from infatuation? Let's take a closer look.
Characteristics of being in love
The psychology of falling in love differs significantly from the concept of love. Viktor Dobroslavovich in his book “Love or falling in love is a fatal mistake!” emphasizes the idea of how often people are mistaken, mistaking simple physical attraction for the power of a genuine spiritual feeling. He provides important postulates in the text that allow us to understand how to distinguish one from the other. The truth will definitely be revealed to the attentive reader. It is only important to really learn to be honest with yourself, then it will not be difficult to distinguish love from infatuation.
Instantaneity
When a person falls in love, it happens suddenly. Just this morning he didn’t think about anything, and in the evening, seeing a charming creature of the opposite sex, he notices visible changes in his consciousness. This state resembles alcohol intoxication. The personality ceases to control himself and often begins to do stupid things. A single moment allows you to fall in love with someone, but not know their inner world. And how many touching romantic stories have been written on this topic!
Creating an Illusion
Being in a state of love, a person is not able to see the shortcomings of his chosen one. He generally prefers not to notice anything, and this is his conscious choice: this is how all the charm of experiencing a feeling is felt, which adds some zest to the sensations.
The lover soars in the clouds, closes his eyes to all the little things that seem unimportant to him. A man has a desire to perform feats in the name of his lady, because he wants to win her heart. Women are beginning to take more care of their appearance.
Self-focus
When in love, a person enjoys individual sensations. He has a desire to take in order to feed his own energy. A person does not love someone specific, but his own idea of love, which was created from numerous fantasies.
Many people go even further: they paint an image of their partner in the colors in which they want to see him, and not at all what he is like in reality. Few people realize that they are engaged in self-deception only when a huge veil covering everything falls from their eyes.
Jealousy and rivalry
These are two important criteria that necessarily indicate that the feeling is not genuine. Relationships often contain quarrels and misunderstandings, dictated by the need for each partner to defend their interests. They actually compete: each strives to get ahead of the other, to take a strong leading position.
Characteristics of true love
People dream of meeting true love. It seems to them like some great miracle from a fairy tale. Meanwhile, few realize that loving a person is actually a great work. This is not only cloudless happiness and joy. The difference is so significant that not everyone will be able to determine it.
Accepting your partner's shortcomings
What feeling can be considered genuine? There is a tangible difference between infatuation and love. It happens that bright enthusiasm turns into something more serious. The depth of feeling can transform and develop into true spiritual intimacy. However, this requires a certain maturity of partners, and not complete absorption in appearance. Love implies acceptance of all the characteristics of a partner, with any of his shortcomings. Even if the other half does something wrong, thoughtlessly, this in no way detracts from true feelings.
Partner focus
Love does not feed on illusions. There is no place for deception, falsehood, or betrayal. Genuine feeling is always directed towards the partner, aimed at his condition. A loving person thinks, first of all, not about himself, but about his chosen one. In order to make another happy, he is ready to overcome any obstacles. A loving person is open to communication. That is why existing problems are not hushed up, but are resolved on the spot, literally immediately after discovery. Someone who truly loves turns into an altruist - he is ready to give his life for the well-being of his partner.
Equality
In love, there is no need to compete with each other, to prove your importance to the chosen one. When two people are in love, they compete and compare individual achievements. Loving people simply share the beauty of their souls with each other. They know that they feel good together, their feelings are constant. A union of loving hearts always presupposes equality.
Willingness to give
When falling in love develops into love, a person has a desire to give, to be useful to his other half. In this case, we can say that people really found each other. In such a union, a person is mentally cleansed, becomes better and stronger.
Takes time
You can't fall in love in one day, you can only fall in love and lose your head. In love, a person opens up, he has a different vision of current events, and a special meaning of life is revealed. To turn an immature feeling into love, you need to let it germinate, fill with divine light and wisdom. Everything should happen naturally; it is unacceptable to rush things here.
Thus, the difference between love and being in love is actually huge. Love can live forever, but falling in love has its term - as long as passion lives and mutual attraction exists. Everyone falls in love at least once in their life. Love ennobles and is the destiny of the elect.
How often we fail to distinguish between these two concepts - love and infatuation. Every time we consider a heart beating faster as a sign of that great and only love forever, and every time we are mistaken. How to distinguish between infatuation and love?
Love and infatuation - what's the difference between them?
Cynics say that infatuation and love are the same feelings based on sexual attraction. That is, at first the couple communicates solely because of sex, and then addiction sets in, people feel comfortable being around them, so they get married and live side by side for many years. And love doesn’t play any role here, because it doesn’t exist.
Romantics only shrug their shoulders in bewilderment at such statements; how can one deny the obvious? Both of these feelings are very real, and naturally there is a difference between love and infatuation. If it did not exist, then people would not be able to find reasons to start families, everything would end in a couple of months, as soon as the rose-colored glasses fall off and love evaporates.
What is the difference between love and infatuation?
Summarizing all of the above, we can say that love is a more developed and mature feeling than falling in love, which means that over the years love will only get better; time is not afraid of it.
Psychologists' opinions vary, however, it is generally accepted that the state of falling in love is similar to a disease or obsession. A person in love is capable of thoughtless actions, and much is forgiven. Carried away by feelings, he wants to completely possess the object of his adoration. Often people fall into the trap of their own passions and confuse true feelings with a fleeting outbreak of violent emotions.
Falling in love inspires and gives a feeling of euphoria, which is soon replaced by disappointment and melancholy. It is a well-known fact that people in love suffer from frequent mood swings and become hostages of their passions and desires.
Love implies a completely different approach. A loving person will never commit madness. Undoubtedly, passion looks much more attractive on the outside. It is impossible to develop a deep feeling for a person after several meetings. Unfortunately, there is no such thing as “love at first sight”. Great sympathy, crazy attraction, passion, obsession are possible - anything, but not true love. It takes a long way to create a true, deep feeling.
When true love is born
The main difference between falling in love and love is that a person in love thinks first of all about himself, and a person in love thinks about his partner.
A long and strong relationship cannot be based on falling in love. In love, people see all each other's shortcomings and accept their loved ones as they are, take care of them, and support them.
True love requires materialization. People give each other gifts, make pleasant surprises, make their loved ones happy, and finally have children.
If one person feels bad, then the other half suffers with him, and moments of happiness are also experienced together. It happens that over time, people even become similar in appearance to each other, and sometimes even think alike. People live in an atmosphere of complete trust and confidence in their own feelings.
Over time, love disappears and is replaced by disappointment, and love over the years, on the contrary, becomes even stronger and stronger.
It happens that passion transforms into love over time when people get to know each other better. We can say that falling in love is only the first step, a small part of a big path called “True Love,” and not everyone is destined to go through it.
find out what is love and infatuation, what types of love are there? to understand yourself about your relationship with your partner.
To end the internal conflict and not make huge mistakes and stupid things in your life, which you cannot correct later, and which you will have to regret for the rest of your life.
What is love and infatuation
What is true love? What is its essence?
The essence of love is care, responsibility, respect and knowledge, it is a feeling, i.e. emotional and attitudinal attitude towards someone. One of the main signs of love is warmth and affection.
Cordiality is manifested in hugs, caresses, kisses, and affection is manifested in a stable need to communicate with a given person, in intimacy with him. (do not confuse love with neurotic attachment and love addiction)
Caring for a partner is a manifestation of the ability to give, not bound, not regulated by considerations of benefit and equivalence of exchange, a manifestation of the true essence of existential love.
Responsibility in love means the freedom to choose to take care of a partner, the willingness to give oneself and affirm oneself (I) in another (We).
Responsibility does not mean assigning the right of an individual to make decisions for another, even if this other is inferior in experience, wisdom and education; does not allow manipulation of a partner in the name of achieving, even the highest, goals.
Respect for a partner presupposes recognition of his right to choose his own path in life and his own destiny, even if this choice seems unreasonable; trust that the partner is capable of making responsible, intelligent choices.
Knowledge allows you to build a loving relationship taking into account the needs, interests and aspirations of each partner. The formation of knowledge is based on the process of decentration, developing the ability to see a problem through the eyes of all its participants, taking into account different cognitive perspectives, figuratively speaking, to “get into the shoes of a partner.”
What types of love are there?
Types of love in relationshipsSexy love- this is a relationship between people when one person considers another as close, related to himself, identifies himself with him, feels the need for rapprochement, unification; identifies his own interests and aspirations with him and, which is very significant, voluntarily spiritually and physically gives himself to another and strives to mutually possess him. This love is innate, and with age only the object of love changes (for example, from mother to future wife).
Erotic love. This is the love of a man and a woman. Romantic love. This is a manifestation of tenderness, caresses, kisses and hugs. And, of course, sexual desire. This is acquired love. Because Every person's first experience of love is maternal love. And therefore, in order to love and be loved in adulthood, a person must be loved from childhood.
Integration (unification) of the sexual and erotic principles of love ensures harmony in marital relationships, and disintegration leads to serious problems.
The first component of love
Intimacy, the feeling of closeness shown in a love relationship. Lovers feel connected to each other. Intimacy has several manifestations: joy at having a loved one nearby; having a desire to make the life of a loved one better; the desire to provide help in difficult times and the hope that a loved one also has such a desire; exchange of thoughts and feelings; presence of common interests. Traditional courtship methods can interfere with intimacy if they consist only of ritual actions and lack a sincere exchange of feelings. Intimacy can be destroyed by negative feelings (irritation, anger) that arise during quarrels over trifles, as well as the fear of being rejected.
The second component of love
Passion. It leads to physical attraction and sexual behavior in relationships. Although sexual relations are important here, they are not the only type of need. The need for self-esteem remains, the need to receive support in difficult times.
The relationship between intimacy and passion is ambiguous: sometimes intimacy causes passion, in other cases passion precedes intimacy. It also happens that passion is not accompanied by intimacy, and intimacy is not accompanied by passion. It is important not to confuse attraction to the opposite sex with sexual desire.
The third component of love
Decision obligation (responsibility).
It has short-term and long-term aspects. The short-term aspect is reflected in the decision that a particular person loves another, the long-term aspect is in the obligation to maintain this love (“a vow of love until the grave”).
Already in Ancient Greece, a typology of love was developed: “eros” - spontaneous and passionate self-giving, enthusiastic love; “philia” - love, friendship, affection of one person for another; “storge” - affection, especially family; "agape" - sacrificial love, love for one's neighbor.
A more detailed typology of sexual love:
1) eros- passionate love, infatuation, striving for complete physical possession;
2) ludus- hedonistic (pleasure) love is a game that is not distinguished by the depth of feeling and relatively easily allows for the possibility of betrayal;
3) storge- calm, warm and reliable love friendship;
4) pragma- arises from a combination of ludus and storge - rational, easily controlled; love of convenience;
5) mania- appears as a combination of eros and ludus, irrational love and obsession, which is characterized by uncertainty and dependence on the object of attraction; (neurotic love)
6) agape- selfless love-self-giving, synthesis of eros and storge.
7) philia- Love
Women are more characterized by storgic, pragmatic and manic manifestations of love, while young men are more characterized by erotic and especially ludic love.
Determine your type of love, take the test “What is love like”
The more interest one of the partners shows in a couple towards the other, the more obvious his desire for rapprochement, close and constant communication becomes, the more resistance the second partner shows, the more obvious his desire for distancing and independence, attempts to avoid interaction with his partner become . And vice versa, the less interest a partner shows in us, the more he is inclined to show interest in another, the more acutely we experience the threat of separation and separation (disconnection), the more persistent and uncompromising our struggle for the return of a partner becomes.
Love or infatuation - modes of love
Society offers for choice two modes of life activity (to have or to be) and the corresponding two modes of love: love as possession and love as being.The first mode - love as possession - is characteristic of a consumer society, where the principle “everything is for sale” operates. Love acts as a kind of monetary equivalent for the exchange of services and goods (“I love you, and you give me this for that...”), and becomes a subject of purchase and sale. An exchange takes place: men offer status, money, power; women - beauty, thriftiness, fertility, etc.
When creating a family, the emphasis shifts to the phase of searching for a marriage partner, here you can see a special intensity of passions and the real passion of the player - to get more, to give less. Bargaining begins, where everything is weighed and evaluated, where sellers and buyers try to deceive, “foist”, and make a profitable deal.
“Unhappy love” among supporters of the mode of possession is also interpreted in terms of purchase and sale: either you “overpaid” or you were “underpaid.”
The second mode is love as being - creative, active love, providing conditions for personal growth of both partners.
This is a mature, harmonious form of love.
Test: Marital Compatibility
The productive orientation of the personality in existential love is realized
is that, unlike love-possession, relationships with a partner here are built primarily on the principle of “giving.”
By giving oneself as a gift to another, a person enriches the other person and at the same time confirms to himself and others the value of his own life. The ability to give, actualize and express oneself in a meaningful way is the highest manifestation of the spiritual power of the individual, the fullness and joy of being. E. Fromm emphasizes that the ability to love is formed only if the individual renounces the philosophy of consumption, the desire to exploit others and overcomes narcissism (admiration for oneself).
The exclusivity of love is manifested in everything: in the uniqueness of the partner, which implies the impossibility of comparing him with anyone and replacing him with anyone, in the uniqueness of the relationship itself, where there are not and cannot be norms, rules and standards.
Love acts as a statement of the uniqueness of the existence of another person.
The practice of love presupposes discipline as being demanding of oneself; concentration, the ability to listen to a partner, live in the present, feeling life in every moment; patience and work to gain mastery.
Love deepens a person's consciousness, since tenderness for another person arises in him as an awareness of his needs, desires and feelings; merging with a loved one opens up a new existence for the individual. Love is the experience of one’s ability to give pleasure to another, due to which the individual goes beyond the boundaries of his “I”.
Finally, in love the ability to give and receive is formed. If the balance of these two processes is disturbed, then the love relationship is disturbed.
Infatuation as opposed to love- this concept means passion, passion in love. It is a state of “an irresistible desire to connect with another person.” The distinguishing feature of falling in love from all other types of emotional relationships is sexual passion.
What is falling in love
Love is a stable emotional state that lasts from several months to two years and has all the signs of a physiological cause for its manifestation. There is evidence that falling in love is associated with the appearance in the blood or an increase in the content of certain biochemical substances - endorphins and oxytocin.
Men are more amorous than women, but women in love are more emotional. Men, more than women, attach importance to the playful side of relationships and physical intimacy, and women are somewhat more concerned about trust in relationships and caring for a partner than men.
Love, as a rule, is caused by the purely external attractiveness of a person and even by individual features of appearance (you can get carried away because of a girl’s eyes, smile, or gait). The phenomenon of “mutual admiration” is also important: when a person feels the need to “belong” and realizes that someone accepts and loves him, he is inclined to reciprocate. When a person discovers that someone attractive truly loves him, romantic feelings are awakened in him.
This has been tested and experimentally: people who are told that someone likes or admires them, as a rule, begin to experience reciprocal sympathy.
There is a possible development in a lover of addiction in relation to the object of his passion, similar to alcohol or drug addiction, since the person loses the ability to control himself and is poorly aware of what is happening.
During the period of falling in love, her object seems beautiful and unattainable. A person paints a colorful and beautiful image in his imagination (falling in love is the triumph of imagination over reason), which may not correspond to reality at all.
Why do they say “in love”? One should say "obsessed."
V. Hugo
The lover’s imagination is filled with the object of his love to such an extent that he ceases to notice not only those around him, but also himself. A lover wants to constantly be close to his adored object, so for the sake of this he can abandon all his affairs. He is in a state of euphoria, daydreaming, he may experience insomnia, and it becomes difficult for him to concentrate.
However, immortal love does not really exist, and sooner or later, when the lover begins to analyze the real behavior of the beloved and when it turns out that it does not coincide with his ideal, the haze dissipates, and he begins to slowly descend from heaven to earth. Falling in love often turns out to be pseudo-love.
However, even if the relationship continues, the lover's blindness still ends. Falling in love from an acutely experienced state can turn into love, that is, into a positive, but devoid of passion, attitude towards the beloved as a valuable object for him. One of the mechanisms for weakening the experience of passion when falling in love is adaptation, getting used to constantly acting stimuli and impressions.
Over time, the relationship between lovers, if they persist, turns into a relationship with less emotional intensity, but with greater trusting intimacy, which is called love-friendship? This is what usually happens in a harmonious family. In other cases, love addiction and codependency arise in the family.
Preliminary, free consultation with a psychologist -
