From time to time, each of us, under the influence of the circumstances, loses his temper. There can be a lot of reasons for this. But what to do when not just a stranger is angry, but your loved one? How to calm a guy or husband if he is not just angry, but angry? This is what we will try to find out now, because we need a calm man, not an angry lion.
How to calm a man
Calming an angry man takes some skill. After all, it is very important to do it right, otherwise we risk getting the opposite result and further aggravating the situation. There are several little secrets that you need not only to know, but also to be able to apply them in practice in a critical situation.
- First secret. If your man is angry, the least you should do is try not to argue with him or contradict him. If you begin to prove to him that his anger is in vain, groundless and unfair, then you will only warm up his warlike mood, and finally bring the situation to the point of no return. Further, all his aggression is directed at you, putting you on a par with the scoundrel who brought him to such a state. If you were originally the cause of his anger, then you can only dream of reconciliation.
- The second secret that flows smoothly from the first. Agree with all the arguments that your angry "macho" makes. Even if the question concerns something with which you strongly disagree. Now is not the time to prove that you are right. Do this later, when your loved one is in a relaxed and good-natured state. Now you have no choice but to nod and repeat that he is indisputably and undoubtedly right in everything. Just know when to stop so that it doesn't look like a mockery.
- Third secret. Give your angry lion a chance to talk. After all, until the stream of angry words dries up naturally, all further actions will be useless. And don't stop it in any way. This is not only useless, but also dangerous.
- The fourth secret. Pacify your obsessive desire to calm him down at all costs. If your loved one is outright disagreeable, then the best thing you can do is to shut up or, alternatively, leave him alone for a while. You can spend the time of his solitude doing something pleasant for him, exactly what he loves. For example, bake him his favorite cake. Or just run to the store for something tasty.
- Fifth secret. After the flow of anger dies down, try to smoothly move your conversation to another topic. Better to keep him busy. The main task is to distract your man's thoughts from the main irritant. When choosing a topic for conversation, try to make sure that new topic did not intersect with the question that aroused his anger. And remember that you must deftly and skillfully take him away from the topic, while the irritated brain will try with all its might to bring him back.
So we figured out how to calm your loved one. This process will require a lot of patience, sensitivity and love for your man from you. Only by loving can you feel and understand how to behave, what to say at this moment, and where to remain silent.
He sits in front of you, so unhappy, so lost. I just want to hug him to my chest and say: "Cry, dear, you will immediately feel better." But you know perfectly well that after this phrase your man will hate you!
Because they, men, are like that: strong, courageous, principled. You won't knock them out of the saddle so easily and will not lead you astray! Any representative of the stronger sex sees himself that way. And when it happens, he is so afraid of falling out of the image of a strong macho that he rejects any pity ...
Is pity humiliating?
All men think so. But this is not entirely true, because we both know this, right? Compassion and compassion for a loved one when he is in trouble - what could be more natural for any woman! However, our lamentations, sobbing, attempts to help men perceive as humiliation. Therefore, remember what you should never do if your husband is in trouble:
- You can’t cry and wail
- You can't solve his problems for him (especially behind his back)
- You can't tell your friends and relatives about his troubles, at least until he allows it.
- You can't say something like: "I warned you!"
- You cannot give valuable instructions and teach how he should behave
- You can't say that he never succeeds, that he is unable to achieve something and, in general, is a loser in life.
So what, do not regret at all ?!
Why - to regret, and even actively. Only taking into account the peculiarities of male psychology and with the understanding that we show compassion not for ourselves, but for another. That is, showing pity should bring relief to your husband, and not additional bonuses to you personally. What bonuses are we talking about? Yes about these:
- Gloating: I was right when I foresaw such an outcome!
- Satisfied pride: I was convinced that my head is more capable and smarter than he!
- A pleasure: he can't cope without me!
- Statement: I will handle everything myself as usual!
All these bonuses indicate that in a relationship you strive, first of all, to satisfy your own ambitions and drown out your own complexes. Agree: a strange way to take pity on a person, immediately pointing out to him his worthlessness!
Listen!It is important for your man to speak out, pour out his negative emotions on someone, talk about his anger and helplessness. Just silently but actively listening, listening to his words and really empathizing, will help your husband cope with stress.
Doesn't he want to say anything? Perhaps he needs to digest his problems alone. You shouldn't ask him why he is so gloomy: when it matures, he will tell him himself. Surround him with unobtrusive care: cook his favorite dish, let him be alone in front of the TV. You yourself know that sometimes loneliness heals better than the most compassionate participation.
Believe in him. It is important for a man to know that even in hours of failure, his woman is on his side. Show that you have not lost faith in him. You can say something like, “Yes, the situation is not easy. But I know you can handle it or come up with something. "
Praise.Has your man completely lost faith in his abilities? So, you just need to find words of support. And the best thing to do is to tell him how wonderful he is. Say: "You know how to get out of difficult problems, you are resourceful, you have authority, you know how to behave with such people." Try to list all those qualities to your husband that will help him get through his troubles. This will give him confidence in his strength.
Help. But only if the husband himself turned to you for help. If he did not, you can help him with advice, but it should be formulated as a recommendation, not an order. Not “do this”, but “it seems to me that you need to do this ...” Does your husband not happen to your wise advice from your point of view? Well, give him the opportunity to do as he sees fit. And make your own mistakes.
Calmness is the key to physical and mental health. However, there are many reasons in the world that can drive us crazy. Representatives of the stronger sex react especially sharply to various problems and troubles. Men only at first glance seem calm and balanced, but in fact the slightest external stimuli make them nervous and anxious. How to calm your husband when he is nervous? In such a situation, many women arrange their beloved "interrogation", trying to find out the reasons for male anger. However, too much attention to a nervous man can turn not in your favor, because this will aggravate the situation even more, and he will begin to break down on you.
If you see that your young man returned home in a bad mood, use your charm and advice from psychologists against his anger. Here are 7 easy ways to help calm your husband if he gets nervous.
Method number 1 - smite him with your optimism and calmness
You don't need to feel sorry for a man. If something unpleasant has happened in his life, instead of groans and lamentations, play on contrasts. For example, if your lover has problems at work or he had a fight with best friend, support him, saying that everything is not so scary and the situation will soon change for the better. Be sure to emphasize that you understand and love him no matter what. Your support will make the man look at the problem with a "sober" look and he will surely calm down. Plus, your confidence and carefree smile will give him strength.
Method number 2 - feed him
The assertion that the way to a man's heart is through the stomach is very controversial and contradictory. But it is absolutely certain that the stomach and the nervous system of a man are connected with each other in a direct way. A hungry man is a nervous man. Therefore, at the first sign of irritation and anger, hurry to feed your beloved. Prepare something unusual and satisfying for him. First, a delicious dinner will calm the man and distract him from bad thoughts. And, secondly, pleasant aromas hovering in the house will make him relax.
Method number 3 - give him a romantic evening
To calm down a man who is nervous, you just need to surround him with tenderness and affection. Dedicate this evening only to him. Put on a pretty dress, light the candles, turn on calm music and invite him to dance. Then, depending on the circumstances, give the man a relaxing massage, or just get down to business. Having removed physical stress, a man will probably forget about his problem. In addition, the girl's initiative is great for strengthening the relationship, making the man go crazy with you.
Method number 4 - go for a walk or play sports
When a man is nervous, his body produces an increased dose of adrenaline, a hormonal substance that makes the heart beat faster, the blood circulate faster, and we feel anxiety and fear. Adrenaline helps the body to cope with stressful situations, however, its excess negatively affects emotional well-being, causing psychological fatigue and nervousness. Reducing the production of adrenaline can only be done with physical release. Therefore, if your man comes home "out of sorts", go with him to the gym, go for a run or swim in the pool. Having devoted only half an hour to sports, your beloved, if he does not forget about his troubles, will surely look at them with a calmer look.
Method # 5 - praise him
A frustrated man is very vulnerable. If your young man is worried or worried about something, do not criticize him in any way and do not say the sacramental phrase - "I knew it!" Even if the trouble happened due to the fault of the man, you should gently and tenderly cheer him up by saying that he still remains the best for you. better man on the ground. Feeling your support, a man will find the strength to do right choice... Plus, your love and care will act on his self-esteem as a healing balm, so that the situation will no longer look so dire.
Method number 6 - become an attentive listener
If a man is ready to talk about his problem, listen to him very carefully. Try not to give any advice and recommendations, because now he just needs to speak out. Be sure to ask how the man intends to solve the problem, and then approve his choice. In this way, you will help the young man calmly analyze the situation and find ways to eliminate the trouble.
Method number 7 - leave him alone
Not all men want to tell their beloved women about their troubles. And this is not surprising, because the representatives of the stronger sex want to look like brave heroes in our eyes, who are not afraid of any problems. If you start asking a young man about the reasons for his bad mood, you will only add fuel to the fire, making him feel uncomfortable and irritated. That is why many psychologists recommend leaving a man alone with himself in moments of nervousness and anger. Having been in peace and quiet, a man will be able to look at the situation from the outside, thereby quickly solving the problem. If a man considers it necessary, he himself will tell you about what worries him. If not, then let him make his own choice.
When calming down a man who is nervous, be guided by your sense of tact and your intuition. In some situations, it is necessary to show care and attention, and in others - to become for a man the one who, with jokes and optimism, will pull him out of the pool of mental torment. Most importantly, remember that very soon the man's mood will change, and the situation will no longer be perceived as a disaster.
Nature has clearly laid the foundations of interpersonal relationships, in particular, relationships between men and women. Another thing is that sometimes people change their gender roles. And now our women are storming Everest and winning auto races, and men are walking on the podium and babysitting children.
But if we return to natural self-realization, it becomes obvious that men are more prone to stress due to failure. It is their task to be strong and brave, to achieve success, not to be afraid of losses and to get back on their feet after a lost battle. And the task of a woman is to support a loved one, rejoice in his victories and empathize with defeats.
How to cheer up a man? For this there is a prerequisite - he must be loved. Loving woman will intuitively find ways of caring, and maybe use one of the below.
1. Hug
Tactile contact between people in our time is lost for various reasons. Some say that this is indecent, others, armed with protective psychology, consider touching a rude invasion of their personal territory. By and large, everything rests on the denial of simple bodily needs, in dislike for one's own body. Therefore, in moments of despair, disappointment and sadness, there is nothing better than to show this very love - in the most accessible way. The hug may be unemotional, but the feeling of being close a loved one next to show the man that he is not alone.
You can hug in silence, you can hold your hand. A girl, wanting to cheer her beloved guy, can sit on his lap and hug him tighter. A person, feeling such support, will understand that not everything is lost, that there is, for whom and for what to live.
2. "Offer your ears"
Men do not like to talk about problems, existing within the framework of the attitude "ashamed to admit failure." However, a woman may well play the role of a household psychologist. It is important to listen to a man without criticizing or adding fuel to the fire. The one who loves will never harm and will not use a man's trust for selfish purposes - for example, reminding him in the future of these manifestations of weakness.
It is important for a man to know that a woman will not repulse him and will not begin to perceive him as "bad" - weak, cowardly, erring. This is a very subtle moment in any close relationship - the overthrow of the idol from the pedestal. It turns out that the one whom the woman considered a hero is quite an ordinary person, far from perfect. And he also needs help sometimes. Trust is the foundation true friendship and sincere love. Trust each other!
3. Provide an opportunity to express emotions
This support option follows from the previous one. A man can tell why he is sad, but showing it is very problematic. Especially if he is offended, first of all, at himself. And the expression of emotions, whatever they may be, is one of the main psychological tools for healing trauma.
You can cheer up a man by giving him “permission” to cry. Perhaps, after such a revelation, a woman will understand that her beloved is also a person. And that the prohibition (associated with the same shame) on men's tears is one of the most destructive from the point of view of the socialization of a little boy.
4. Find a solution together
Practical help from a woman should not be "maternal" - it harms men's pride and sooner or later will turn the beloved guy into a muslin young lady. If a woman, having learned why her beloved is crying, will go and punish the offenders herself, or declare “I will do everything, just tell me that I have to,” then this, of course, will help, but not for long. The task of an encouraging woman is not to perform feats herself, but to inspire a man to do them. In which case, of course, she will hedge and film the feat on the phone ... but this is the maximum that she can do. It is best to just let the man go through the emotional recession, and then, turning on the logic - first his own, and then the man's - to start building an algorithm that will help solve the problem. An advanced woman may offer brainstorming or coaching sessions. The decision should be reasonable, there may be several solutions, and it would be nice for a woman to make sure that the man begins to take the first practical steps to bring his plans to life. This is the perfect end to a home psychotherapeutic consultation for a beloved man.
But if the guy relaxed, softened and after talking with a friend went to get drunk with friends, it means that the girl did not tighten something or twisted it. An excess of support promotes escape from a reality in which there is pain and fear, and a lack of support - the search for new fresh solutions with the same goal - to forget and do nothing.
So do not limit yourself to platitudes like “Don’t worry, be happy!”, But also do not under the illusion of someone who is looking for an ideal world without its shadow side.
To cheer up a loved one is the art of love, based on quite scientific principles. Caring for each other is the foundation of a strong bond of trust, so exercise it often - in reasonable amounts!
