Verbal aggression is statements or intonational components of statements that serve to inflict mental pain or are aimed at causing negative experiences of another person or living being.

NS Yakimova draws attention to the fact that statements become aggressive only in those cases when they cause a reverse equivalent action. Otherwise, even the most terrible word forms in common practice are perceived as adequate and not traumatic. But this is not always the case. The fact is that verbal aggression is often directed at those creatures or people who cannot fully respond to such an act. For example, a parent who yells at a child is essentially committing an act of violence. But the same response is not always observed. More often than not, the child just cries. And in the case of a leader, the subordinate is generally forced to silently “swallow” all the aggression. That is, it is more correct to speak not about the reverse action, but about the reverse reaction. And it doesn't matter how this reaction manifests itself. The main thing is that it causes anxiety or excitement. This is called the "reciprocity principle."

It is also worth separating verbal aggression from the phenomenon of linguistic violence. The fact is that linguistic violence does not have a definite victim, but directs the utterance to a wide, clearly unidentified circle of persons. For example, persons of Jewish or Gypsy nationality. Even jokes about blondes or Chukchi can be attributed to a form of linguistic violence. Verbal aggression is always substantive and clearly aimed at defending one's positions or points of view in front of a specific person.

Aggressive verbal behavior can be caused by:

However, in all cases the motive of behavior comes to the fore. And the determining motive is precisely the desire to inflict internal harm on the interlocutor. This is also expressed in the sense-forming concept, and not only in the design of the speech. After all, we can recall, for example, the communication of certain individuals containing a large amount of obscene language. But, at the same time, this very abuse is broadcast and perceived as insertion words and does not cause offensive feelings. Because, in this case, there is no defining motive and deliberate actions in the form of insult.

Types

What exactly is verbal aggression? In fact, this is one of ten types of experimentally identified variants of verbal attacks, which can be as follows:

Why are non-verbal signs included in the layer? verbal aggression? Yes, because with the help of them, expressions and phrases take on completely different, offensive forms. We refer to the mentioned signs:

gestures (clenched fists, arms crossed or rested on the sides);
facial expressions (angry or dismissive facial expressions);
postures ("imperative postures" are always perceived as a provocation);
visual contact (a look that is perceived as "arrogant" can act as a provocative one);
intonation and timbre of voice (even a phrase that is harmless in meaning can be shouted or said with disdain, provoking resentment);
organization of time and space of communication (intrusion without demand on "someone else's territory" or an urgent challenge to one's own, realizing that communication in such a place will be uncomfortable, is already regarded as an act of attack).

“Do you think this is so?” Says a parent or leader. In fact, this phrase is not offensive. But if you add a certain pose, timbre of voice, put your hands on your hips, and even call the interlocutor “to the office on the carpet to the authorities”. A harmless phrase immediately becomes a threat, a condemnation of opinions and attitudes. And the phrase: "Everything is clear with you, my dear" with certain non-speech "additions" casts doubt on the level of mental abilities and competence. In a word, that in the first, that in the second case, it gives internal discomfort and experiences.

After verbal aggression, physical aggression can be provoked. This happens if there is an initial mood of the object of aggression due to its characteristics: personal, social or situational. Personality characteristics most often include age and gender. Social factors include ethnicity, social well-being of the environment, level of education and general culture.

The situational ones most often include the environment, the physical, physiological and neuro-emotional state of a person and additional factors that can affect the adequacy of the assessment and perception of the situation. But the influence of social factors should not be written off. These factors are determined by the national mentality and the division of certain linguistic norms as "unacceptable" or "acceptable". So, in some ethnic groups, it may be absolutely unacceptable to make an offensive statement about the parents of the interlocutor. And such things always provoke an act of physical aggression. Whereas in another group it will not cause such a violent reaction.

Verbal aggression can take the form of direct aggression, which is performed directly on someone here and now. Or maybe indirect. Indirect verbal aggression is not homogeneous and includes two different, but complementary concepts. In the first case, it is considered as aggressive behaviorwhose focus on a certain person is hidden. In the second case, it is considered as aggression, which in a roundabout way strives to hurt the victim. In fact, these two concepts are similar in principle of action - without direct expression. It looks like intrigue and gossip. Insult is achieved by causing damage primarily to a person's reputation.

Aggression in children and adolescents

Despite the fact that such linguistic acts can be performed by almost all people, most often they turn to psychologists or psychotherapists about verbal aggression in children and adolescents. It is worth saying that the language and speech of adolescents is intensively developing and improving both by increasing the vocabulary and by understanding the ambiguous interpretations of some words and phrases. The teenager realizes that expressing his view of some things does not have to be in words. There are many other ways.

Modern teenagers are less and less fond of books and theater, and more and more often - computers and television. Therefore, they absorb variants of aggression expressed in speech form faster and more than their parents. And it doesn't matter who these expressions fly out of: a convict, an outcast, a game character. After all, television programs, as well as computer games, according to many observers, have become more aggressive.

It is hypothetically believed that the motives of verbal aggression in adolescents are as follows:

the need for self-realization, even if this occurs due to the oppression of the interests or personal space of another person;
the need for self-affirmation when the child begins to rebel against the authorities;
the need for self-defense when you have to defend your living space or freedom of choice.

As for toddlers, pre-adolescent, with the help of verbal aggression, children often “mask” important and painful inner experiences: sadness, anger, but more often - a feeling of loneliness, fear of being abandoned. Therefore, it is not uncommon for such options to "change the child" occur during periods of replenishment of the family with younger children, during the period of divorce, change of residence and other life situations that traumatize the little person. Even if such is the need to “survive” or “defend your personal space” in a large team, for example, in a kindergarten group.

Here we can note the fact that the forms change somewhat.

Thus, verbal direct aggression most often takes the form of teasers: “Masha is yogurt”, “Zhora is a glutton”. Although they can go down to the level of insults. Moreover, not all sets of curses are mastered adequately at this age. Therefore, in addition to "infection" and "mare", as a swear word, words can be used that, for whatever reason, were "included" in this list.

For example, a child may call someone a “hand”. In his mind, this word means a real monster with "some long and huge or ugly hands." Whereas in our view it is more likely a person who makes or repairs something very well. In addition, a psychologist may generally surprise the parents who are shocked by the child's vocabulary: it turns out that the baby does not express aggression at all. He simply retells new words he has heard from others.

Complaints remain vivid manifestations of indirect verbal aggression in childhood. Although, as a rule, they are leveled without psychological correction work. But, most attention should be paid to aggressive fantasies. In them, as a rule, the child does not “punish the offender” himself: “the policeman will come and take you away”, “I will tell the janitor and he will take you far, far away, to the trash heap”. The fact is that such types of fantasies may indicate the formation of a child's low self-esteem and be a litmus of his inability to fight back problems or offenders without anyone's help. You can also talk about options for overprotection of a parent or family member, which suppresses the little personality.

Treatment

What can be advised in these cases? Of course, don't get discouraged and deal with problems. Psychologists or psychotherapists will help you with this.

As a rule, children and adolescents who are prone to verbalizing their aggression are able to easily get into conversation. The thing is that they are happy to communicate and be heard. Consequently, the correction of such manifestations is quite good.

Author of the article: Lapshun Galina Nikolaevna, Master of Psychology, Category I psychologist

Verbal aggression - a type of aggression, which is an expression of negative feelings towards a person in verbalanswers. The negative responses can be not only meaningful (curses, insults, threats), but also formal (shouting, screeching, growling).

Verbal aggression, unfortunately, not uncommon phenomenon in society. She can be encountered in transport, in a store, on the street, at a school, university, in a government institution, at an enterprise and at home. The thing is that if people try to restrain physical aggression to the last, then many, without hesitation, express verbal aggression with or without reason.

Verbal aggression has practically become a norm of behavior! It is not only justified, but also approved and promoted!

Aggressiveness is misinterpreted and associated with persistence, courage, self-confidence, and the ability to defend one's own point of view.

But no matter how ignorance and rudeness rise, speech aggression remains a phenomenon, obstructing effective communication and human interaction. Shouts, humiliation of the interlocutor, cruel jokes and quarrels are still impossible to solve any problem.

The most dangerous phenomenon is the practice of verbal aggression. in family... Children, hearing abuse and obscene language from their parents, will certainly grow up to be aggressive. Aggressive behavior is learned quickly and easily.

Of course, one can justify the fact that the child will still face verbal aggression among his peers, on the street, hear it on TV, read it on the Internet, but you need to understand that all this influence is much less powerful than parental education.

Only parenting behavior automatically is accepted as a role model and the norm, the actions of other people are critically evaluated. Having heard a bad word from someone else, the baby will rather first ask his mother what it means, and when he heard it from his mother, he, without hesitation, will begin to use it himself.

Forms, types and manifestations of verbal aggression

Aggression as behavior aimed at causing physical or mental harm, it is a completely natural reaction to a threat, but if such behavior becomes a habit, a new character trait appears in the personality structure - aggressiveness.

People who often use the techniques of verbal aggression sometimes do not even think that they are aggressive. The point is that the concept of aggression in our time is narrowed down to one of its types, to physical aggression. But a word can hurt no less, and sometimes even more, than hitting a person.

Verbal aggression causes heartache, harms not only the psychological state and physical health, but also the relations between people, they deteriorate or completely collapse.

Verbal aggression manifests itself as:

insult,
accusation,
foul language,
rough tone of conversation
a threat,
reproaches,
curses,
quarrel,
to scold,
gossip,
slander,
unfounded criticism,
negative review,
evil jokes,
hysterics,
cry,
screaming, screeching, yelling, roaring, and other aggressive sounds.

There are also several types of verbal aggression:

Active and direct. It is expressed in the form of humiliation and insult by one person to another in words directly during a conversation.
Active and indirect. It is expressed in the form of spreading slander and gossip about a person “behind his back”.
Passive and direct. Refusal to enter into conversation, demonstrative ignorance, neglect.
Passive and indirect. Refusal to explain or speak out in defense of a person who is undeservedly criticized.

Aggressive person personality types

Of course, verbal aggression, like any other, in its adequate manifestation serves as a protective mechanism of the psyche, a form of response to adverse life situations (threat to life, stress, frustration, etc.), but it can also be used as way to solve problems in cases where it would be more moral to act non-aggressive.

In the overwhelming majority of cases, yelling is not an option to solve problems, but people resort to it insofar as:

see no other option to maintain their individuality;
want to prove they are right;
strive to protect or increase the level of their claims, self-esteem;
want to draw attention to their person;
want to manipulate, subordinate to their will another person / people;
strive to maintain authority at the expense of humiliating others;
do not know how else to maintain control over the situation.

But it is possible to achieve goals, satisfy the need for self-realization and express accumulated negative emotions in other, creative, peaceful and cultural ways. This is why psychologists associate verbal aggressiveness human from:

immaturity of personality,
lack of upbringing,
low personal culture, personal immorality,
insufficient education (in particular, lack of psychological knowledge),
blurring the criteria of morality and ethics in society.

People are more often aggressive:

having various kinds of dependencies,
leading an asocial lifestyle,
grown up in dysfunctional or inferior families, as well as orphans.

Their aggression is the result of a distorted outlook and carefully hidden, low self-esteem.

Verbal aggressiveness can be symptommental disorder or cause the occurrence of such deviations.

But verbal aggression is also resorted to by well-educated, civilized, mentally healthy people... Verbal aggression in this case is most often a destructive verbal expression of emotions, justified by a certain immoral intent. A person wants to defeat an opponent, humiliate a competitor, take out anger at someone, express discontent, disagreement, hostility, and the like, even if he knows how to cooperate and solve problems peacefully.

Aggressive behavior is contrary to moral norms and generally accepted norms of behavior in society, but is consciously and unconsciously used by people, since the word of a person easily you can disarm, suppress, scare, make you feel guilty and experience other negative emotions. To hear the interlocutor, to understand him, to agree, you need to make much more effort.

It is much easier to remain ignorant than work on yourself: learn to control your speech, constructively express negative emotions, effectively resolve conflicts, not respond with aggression to aggression.

If you are faced with the problem of verbal aggression, we recommend that you familiarize yourself with the psychological literature:

Julia Shcherbinina and

abstract

in psychology

on the topic: "Verbal aggression"

11-B grade students

Gymnasium number 5

Lomova Anna

G. Melitopol

Verbal aggression is words that hurt and make a person believe that he is probably an idea of \u200b\u200bthe world around him and about himself.

General characteristics of verbal aggression:

1. Verbal aggression destroys. It is especially destructive when the aggressor pretends that nothing is happening. The partner feels aggression, but his feelings are not taken into account, his opinion is not taken into account, he becomes even more painful from the feeling of confusion and disappointment.

2. Verbal aggression strikes at a partner's self-esteem and abilities. He himself begins to believe that something is wrong with him, that he has no abilities, that he does not perceive the world correctly.

3. Verbal aggression can be open (angry attacks and insults) or covert (very subtle and gradual, brainwashing). Overt aggression is usually accusations of something that the partner has never done or even thought to do. Latent aggression - stealthy aggression is even more destructive. The purpose of such aggression is to subjugate a partner so that he himself does not know about it.

4. In verbal aggression, expressions of contempt can be very sincere and clear.

5. Verbal aggression is by nature manipulative and seeks to control another person. Usually the victim does not realize that she is being controlled and manipulated. She may notice, however, that her life is not going at all the way she planned, and of course there is no joy in her life.

6. Verbal aggression is insidious. The one from whom verbal aggression emanates, treats his partner, shows contempt and devaluation of him so that:

The victim's self-esteem drops significantly, despite the fact that she does not notice it.

The victim loses self-confidence without realizing it.

The victim may consciously or unconsciously try to change his behavior style so as not to irritate the aggressor and so that he no longer hurts her.

The victim may not accept this, but she is methodically brainwashed.

7. Verbal aggression is unpredictable. Unpredictability is one of the main characteristics of verbal aggression. The partner is literally knocked out and ruts, bewildered, shocked by angry, sarcastic jokes, injections and comments of the aggressor.

No matter how smart and educated the victim is, she never manages to prepare for an attack, and even more so she will never be able to understand why she is being attacked and how to avoid the attack.

8. Verbal aggression is a relationship building problem. When a married couple is faced with a real problem about a real fact of life, for example, if the question arises of raising responsibility in children or how much time to spend together and apart, everyone can be angry, but both sides can say: “I am angry about this or this "or" I want this. " And naturally, if they are driven by good will, they eventually come to a compromise, that is, the problem is resolved. In relations with verbal aggression, there is no conflict as such. The very fact of aggression is a problem, and this issue is not resolved. That is, this problem is not resolved.

9. Verbal aggression contains a double message. There is a constant contrast between what the aggressor is telling you and his true feelings for you. For example, he seems sincere and honest when he tells his partner that something is wrong with him, or he may say: “No, I’m not angry at all!” - but in fact he says this with malice. Or he can invite his partner to have dinner at a restaurant, and during dinner, behave aloof with him, indifferently, as if he does not understand what the partner is doing here at all.

10. Verbal aggression tends to intensify, it becomes more intense, frequent and takes on more and more sophisticated forms. For example, at the initial stage of communication, the aggressor can only attack a partner with malicious attacks under the guise of jokes or restraint, gradually he adds other forms of aggression.

In many cases, verbal aggression turns into physical aggression, which, in turn, also does not begin immediately, but gradually, with "unintentional" pushes, kicks, slaps, hits, etc., which then turn into direct beating.

As the verbal aggression intensifies, turning into physical violence, the aggressor begins to invade the partner's personal space.

Verbal aggression and power over others

We see that verbal aggression makes it difficult to build real relationships. It seems obvious. Nevertheless, the partner of the aggressor can live his whole life with the illusion that there is a real relationship between them. He will think so for several reasons. The main reason will be that as a married couple they can function quite adequately, fulfilling the roles prescribed by society.

Verbal aggressors usually express most of their emotions in anger. For example, if the aggressor feels insecure and anxious, he may immediately fall into anger, that is, angry at the fact that he suddenly felt insecure and uneasy. Meanwhile, a person is naturally endowed with the ability to experience emotions. This ability to feel, like the ability to think, is universal for human nature. Unfortunately, the aggressor often does not want to accept his own feelings, and even more so to show his true feelings to his partner. He builds a kind of wall between himself and his partner. He artificially creates a distance in communication.

1. Closure

2. Eagerness to object

3. The desire to devalue the achievements and feelings of another.

4. Verbal aggression in the form of jokes.

5. Blocking and distortion of information.

6. Exposing and accusing another.

7. Criticism and condemnation of another.

8. Variety of the meaning of what is happening.

9. Denial of emotional support.

10. Threats

11. Name-calling

12. Command tone.

13. Forgetting and denying facts.

1. Closure

If there is a relationship between people, then communication should be more than just the exchange of information. Relationships mean closeness. Mental closeness implies empathy, empathy. Hearing and understanding another's feelings means empathizing. Mental closeness is impossible if one of the communicating parties does not want to speak openly about feelings, emotions, experiences, that is, does not want to share something and support a partner.

An aggressor who refuses to listen to his partner, denies his feelings, refuses to share his thoughts and feelings - first of all, violates the main unwritten law of relationships. He shows isolation.

Closure, silence, restraint in manifestations acts worse than words and shouts and is a category of verbal aggression. In other words, isolation is a way of behavior when a person keeps all thoughts, feelings, dreams and hopes to himself, and with a partner remains cold, aloof, trying to express himself as little as possible.

"What is there to talk about?"

"What do you want to hear from me?"

"What I've done? I'm listening to you."

"No, it won't interest you"

“Why are you asking my opinion? You will do whatever you want anyway. "

These answers are very disappointing. And it may seem to the partner that their relationship is quite normal, because the companion communicates with you on business issues. At the same time, relationships become meaningless because they lack emotional closeness. In addition to business communication, there are 2 more types of communication. Here are three lists that illustrate all three types of communication.

Communication on business issues:

I'm coming late today.

List on the table.

Do you need help?

Who left this here?

Where is my hammer?

The light is off.

Gasoline will run out soon, we need to refuel.

Communication - sharing thoughts:

Well, what do you think about that?

Just listen to what happened to me when I ...

I was thinking ...

Have you ever thought about ...?

And what do you like…?

What did you think ...?

But most of all I liked…

I feel…

When you're free, can we talk?

Communication is the answer to the exchange of thoughts:

I understand what you mean.

Yes, I understand you.

Interesting.

I didn't even think about it.

Wow!

Well, you must! I always thought…

Are you saying that ...

What are you thinking about?

Do you think that ...?

2. Eagerness to object

The urge to object is another category of verbal aggression, and it is this method that is very often chosen by aggressors. Since the aggressor lives in Reality, he sees the enemy in the partner. What, then, does the victim have the right to his opinion if it does not coincide with the aggressor? Objection is the most destructive form of verbal aggression for a relationship, because the constant contradiction of the aggressor to the partner absolutely does not allow communication with him. The aggressor constantly contradicts, objects to the partner. But at the same time he does not express his point of view, and if he is closed, then he becomes practically invisible.

Below is an example of an objection.

Aggressor: They took too long to change the scenery.

Partner: I didn't even notice.

Aggressor: Are you serious?

Partner: I wanted to say that it seemed to me that it didn't take long at all, apparently, it seemed to you the other way around.

Aggressor, angrily: Do you understand what you are saying? There is an objective reality. Do you understand? Any critic would agree with me!

She tries to explain that she just has her own opinion, different from him. He told her that her opinion was wrong. And at that moment, her companion got angry, and she thought it better to agree with him and admit that she really missed something.

3. The desire to devalue the achievements and feelings of another

Devaluing the other's achievements and feelings denies the partner's reality and experience and is highly destructive. If the victim is not aware of what is happening to him, does not understand that he is being attacked, she can suffer for years, trying to understand what is wrong with herself, with her ability to communicate. Devaluation denies and distorts the partner's perception of aggression, and therefore it is not by chance that it is considered the most insidious way of aggression.

To understand how depreciation works, imagine an item on the counter of a store that costs one hundred dollars but is sold at a one cent discount. That is, the item is practically devalued to the point that it costs nothing. The verbal aggressor also devalues \u200b\u200bthe experience, feelings and feelings of the partner, as if they are worthless.

If your partner says, for example: “It hurt me to hear that from you…”, or “This is not funny. You intentionally hurt me. ”The aggressor says something in response that completely devalues \u200b\u200bthe partner's feelings. Here is a sample list of such statements:

You are too sensitive.

You don't understand jokes.

You make a scandal from scratch.

You have no sense of humor.

You see everything in black.

You are too emotional.

You don't understand what you are saying.

Again you start!

You make an elephant out of a fly.

You distort everything.

Do you want a scandal?

It is only natural that the partner begins to trust the aggressor. He tries to believe that, for example, something is wrong with his perception of the world, his sense of humor and worldview .. If he believes in this, then he will be faced with confusion and a feeling of emptiness. He can spend hours pondering how it happened, that he does not understand the jokes of the aggressor, etc.

4. Verbal aggression in the form of jokes

Aggression disguised as a joke is another category of verbal aggression that most people have encountered. It doesn't take a lot of intelligence and resourcefulness to humiliate a partner with a stupid, and sometimes frankly vulgar joke. Aggression is not about the joke itself. The point is unexpectedness, speed, and the fact that the aggressor hits the patient himself, himself remaining with an expression of triumph on his face. Aggression can never be funny, so it is not funny.

Humiliating comments disguised as jokes are usually directed against the victim, against her intellectual ability and competence.

And if the partner says: "I think there is nothing funny about it," the aggressor will answer with devaluation: "You have a bad sense of humor."

It is clear that the aggressor's responses indicate that he is openly hostile and not at all eager to build relationships. Unfortunately, this is not so obvious to the victim. Since the abuser often responds with anger, the partner may actually realize that they misunderstood. The effect that verbal aggression has on a partner's perception of the world cannot be overemphasized.

Here are some malicious comments that the aggressors make, calling them jokes:

You need a watchman!

Listen, it's easy to cheer you up!

Well, what else can you expect from a woman!

Just don't lose your head!

The aggressor may even scare the partner and then laugh as if it were a joke.

5. Blocking and distortion of information

Blocking and distorting information is a category of verbal aggression that specifically controls interpersonal communication. The verbal aggressor refuses to communicate, creates controversial situations, or withholds information. Thus, by blocking and distorting information, he prevents any attempts to resolve the conflict. He blocks information by direct demand to stop the discussion or by changing the topic.

Blocking can also be of an accusatory nature; however, the main purpose of blocking is to stop discussion, stop communication, and hide information. Here are examples of blocking:

You know what I mean!

You think you know everything!

You heard me. I will not repeat!

Do not interrupt me!

Bullshit!

Enough here to fence all sorts of nonsense!

Stop yelling at my back!

Stop it!

Stop mumbling!

And they didn't ask you!

Don't act like a bitch!

6. Exposing and blaming another

The verbal aggressor likes to catch a partner in any act, violation of the basic agreements of their relationship, accuse him of being angry, annoyed or behaving unworthily. Here are some examples.

Partner: I constantly feel that you are moving away from me.

Aggressor, with rage: just don't attack me!

In this conversation, the aggressor blames the partner for attacking him. In this way, he manages to avoid emotional closeness and the ability to understand the feelings of a partner.

Aggressor: where is my wrench?

Partner: I think the kids threw him in the back seat of the car.

The aggressor angrily: I didn't ask you!

Partner: What are you mad at?

Aggressor, with rage: Don't you understand, it was a rhetorical question.

Attempts by the victim to establish communication are not accepted, moreover, she is accused of being unfaithful, and thus she is to blame for the aggressor feeling insecure. The point of all this is to make her obey.

You want to arrange a scandal.

You run up.

You attack me.

I've had enough of your complaints.

Stop acting like a bitch.

7. Criticism and condemnation of another

The verbal aggressor condemns the partner, and then presents it in the form of criticism. If he objects, he will say that he just wants to help, point out the shortcomings, but in fact in this way he shows the victim that he does not accept her as she is. Most of the aggressors speak in a tone of condemnation. So, the favorite phrase of the verbal aggressor “you are too sensitive” always sounds condemning, however, as well as verbal aggression in the form of jokes. Below are some of these judgmental statements.

Statements that begin with the words "how will you get in touch with you ..." always sound judgmental, critical and are verbal aggression.

Statements that begin with the words "your problem is that ..." - always sound judgmental, critical and are verbal aggression.

Most statements with the word "you" sound judgmental, critical and aggressive. Here are some of these "you" statements:

You're lying.

You are never enough.

You always want to win.

You are not thinking.

You don't understand jokes.

You are crazy.

You are itching to.

Well, you're stupid.

Critical statements that are made about another person in his absence are also aggression. Only in this case all "you", "you", "you" turn into "he", "him", "him". Examples:

He is afraid of his own shadow.

She perverts everything.

She talks incessantly about everything at once.

He always grumbles.

8. Variety of the meaning of what is happening

Variety means that whatever you say or do means absolutely nothing. When vulgarization occurs in an open, sincere tone, it is very difficult to understand what one has to face. If the partner trusts the aggressor, he listens to his words and comments and ends up feeling confused. It seems to the victim that her companion simply did not understand her, did not understand her words, interests and aspirations.

The vulgarisation works on the sly, so the partner cannot understand why he feels confused and empty.

9. Denial of emotional support

Refusing emotional support leads to the gradual destruction of trust, spontaneity and immediacy. The aggressor who uses this technique usually exhibits other types of aggression against the partner. Therefore, the victim's self-esteem and self-confidence are significantly reduced, which makes them even more vulnerable to the aggressor. Below are comments that aim to destroy interest and enthusiasm.

Partner: What a beautiful flower!

Aggressor with disgust; flower like a flower.

Partner: I want to see if there is ...

Aggressor: Why?

Direct rebuff is also a denial of emotional support:

Who asked you?

Nobody asked your opinion.

You are a plug in this barrel.

You will not understand.

You cannot understand this.

You will not make it.

Who do you want to surprise?

Sabotage is one of the options for denying emotional support. Interruption is a form of sabotage. For example, an aggressor sabotages a conversation between a partner and a stranger by constantly causing some inconvenience: he suddenly starts laughing loudly, opens the piano and starts playing. He can simply interrupt his partner, finish sentences for her.

10. Threats

With the help of threats, the aggressor manipulates the partner. The verbal aggressor usually threatens the partner to deprive him of something important or scares him that he may be in severe pain (moral or physical).

Do as I say or I'll leave you.

Do as I say, or I'll have a mistress.

Do as I say or I will file for divorce.

Do as I say, or I will get angry.

Do as I say or I'll hit you.

If you ..., I ....

11. Name-calling

This is the most overt of all types of verbal aggression. Moreover, any words that they call you are verbal aggression. Of course, words such as "sun", "sweetheart", "dear" are aggression only if pronounced with sarcasm, with irony, with malice.

12. Command tone

The command tone denies equality, the aggressor does not recognize the partner as an autonomous person. When the aggressor gives orders instead of requests, he intimidates the victim, as if she is only an instrument in his hands, the raison d'être of which is to fulfill all his wishes. Here are examples of command tone:

Throw it.

Come here and clean up here.

You won't go outside today.

Take him out of here.

You won't wear it.

We will not discuss this.

Shut up.

13. Forgetting and denying facts

Forgetting facts includes denial and hidden manipulation. The aggressor announces that something that happened did not actually happen, and this is aggression. We all forget something sometimes. However, the constant forgetting of exactly those events that are important for the partner is already aggressive denial.

It happens that the victim will gather his strength after the aggressor yelled at her and scolded her, pull himself together and try to talk to the aggressor. And he has already forgotten about what happened and says: “What are you talking about? Again, you suit! "

Some aggressors are chronically forgetful when it comes to promises made if those promises are especially important to their partner. The partner counts on an agreement, and the aggressor forgets what he promised to do.

Although the consequences of all types of aggression are destructive, it is denial that is the most catastrophic and most damaging, because in fact it denies the reality of the partner.

Children and verbal aggression

How to develop high self-esteem

When a parent is faced with a stressful situation and the child needs attention, the urgency of the moment requires a quick response. And sometimes, even when there is time for reflection, the parent may not notice the obvious and correct solutions to the problem, because his thoughts are in a mess, it is sometimes difficult for him to concentrate.

That is why it is not harmful for parents to remind themselves from time to time that the child needs to be brought up in a spirit of goodwill and respect, even if the parents themselves are in a conflict or stressful situation.

When everything you say is respectful, you are likely to be respectful.

There are tons of books out there on how to raise children, and just as many hands-on courses for parents. Sometimes it is even difficult to choose something more specific.

When choosing books on parenting, first of all focus on those that teach respect for the child. If you give your children love and attention, if you participate in their lives, show interest in their feelings, are honest with them, encourage them for independence, then in most cases you will grow up loving, attentive, honest and independent people.

How to build self-confidence

I think that the most effective way of raising a child with self-confidence will be to show attention to his desires and needs from the moment he begins to express these needs and desires. The parent may say:

Do you want to hold the spoon yourself?

Take your time, I'll wait while you tie your laces.

Well, will you try to spread yourself a sandwich?

The dishes are washed like this.

How to teach to value yourself and others.

Children are responsive to praise. They are born good, inquisitive and spontaneous. Everyone has their own unique talent or ability. As a parent, you have to give your child the attention they need. Pay attention to what your child loves especially. This can be music, dance, sports, games, etc. start encouraging him in quiet activities. This is how the child's unique personality is born. Here's how you can express encouragement, praise:

What a beautiful drawing!

Tell me what is your favorite book?

You probably spent a lot of time on this.

Wait until you finish?

How to teach how to set boundaries in communication.

To teach a child to communicate, you need to teach him to set boundaries. When parents set boundaries for children, children always feel safer. As they grow up, they learn to set their own boundaries for someone else. The easiest way to teach this is in childhood.

You can set boundaries for your child and still respect their feelings. For example, all children do not want to go to bed early or want, on the contrary, exactly what you cannot give them, but there are quite objective limits to the endurance of their nervous system and the amount of property that is available to them.

When children face verbal aggression

Sometimes, in an effort to protect the child, the parent overlooks the simplest things that need to be done to show respect for the child's feelings.

If your child is offended, humiliated, spanked, he needs your help. Sometimes parents unwittingly teach a child to put up with aggression. Therefore, it is not out of place to constantly ask yourself: “Was there something in what I said that minimizes aggression?”

If a parent says to a child: "She (he) did not want to offend you," this means that the child is denied the adequacy of perception, his pain is denied, his experience is not appreciated. Aggression is deliberately downplayed and thus teaches the child to put up with it.

When you acknowledge the child's feelings and fight back verbal aggression, you show respect for the child and his or her feelings. Thus, you become the most important sympathetic witness. You also give your child an example of how to fight back aggression, teach him to appreciate and listen to his feelings.

On the other hand, teaching a child that words cannot hurt (most often boys are taught this) is causing the child a lot of delirium. Children may begin to doubt everything, even themselves.

Depending on the child's age and who needs to fight back, the child must learn to give an adequate rebuff to verbal aggression. Even a school-age child needs emotional support when he needs to fight back an adult bully. And then the phrase: “Don't be afraid. I am always with you ”- will fully satisfy the child's need for support.

Children learn aggression from adults and from their peers. One of the strongest responses to a peer who teases or humiliates a child will be: "It is YOU who say this."

Such an answer usually puts the little aggressor into a state of stupor, because the other child briefly but clearly told him: “I won't buy it. You said it. You are responsible for this. "

When children become verbal abusers

If you hear that your child is acting as an aggressor, you can try the following answers. It all depends on the specific situation and the age of the child.

Talking like that is not good.

I don't want to hear that from you anymore.

I can't respect you when you talk like that.

Okay, that's enough.

You won't talk like that in my house. Clear?

Anger is like a drug

Anger emphasizes, justifies, and legitimizes verbal aggression. Aggressive anger is a category of verbal aggression. In order to determine what aggressive anger is, it is necessary for the victim to realize that she did nothing for which she could be shouted at, lost in, cut off in mid-sentence and even looked with anger, she is not to blame, regardless of how much the aggressor blames her for everything.

The partners of the verbal aggressor know that no matter how they explain what they mean, it will never make the aggressor apologize for being rude. He will never say: “I'm sorry I yelled, I broke off. Please forgive me". Partners know from their own experience that this never happens. But they hope that someday the time will come and the aggressor will understand. Giving up this hope is the hardest thing in the world.

It is also important for the victim to realize that it does not depend on her whether the aggressor yells at her or not. She can speak with tenderness, can listen to him with full attention, can try to help him in everything, try to be an interesting interlocutor, demonstrate intelligence and well-read, become more fun, lose weight, change her image, become more attractive - all this will not give any results, the aggressor is all will not change.

The aggressor's anger is born from his own inner and completely unbearable feeling of his own powerlessness, due to low self-esteem. He expresses his anger either in a covert form through manipulation, or openly with violent attacks directed against a partner. He attacks, denounces and blames the partner. Thus, his partner becomes a scapegoat for him, and he thus denies the real reason for his anger and convinces himself, and often the victim, that it was she who said or did something that forced him to behave this way.

Partners are drug addicted to the anger of the aggressors looking for ways to fight in angry outbursts of their companions.

Literature:

"How to Deal with Verbal Aggression" P. Evans

\u003e TYPES OF VERBAL AGGRESSION AND THE MAIN FORMS OF ITS MANIFESTATION IN THE SCHOOL SPEECH ENVIRONMENT

The description of the main types and forms of verbal aggression has not yet been the subject of special scientific research. However, it is this direction in the study of this problem that seems to be especially relevant, since it allows us to outline the main ways of exercising control over verbal aggression in the school speech environment, which should contribute to the creation of a favorable psychological climate in the school collective, based on the principles of mutual respect, understanding, goodwill, trust and agreement, both between students and between students and teachers.

\u003e Types of verbal aggression

When describing the main types of verbal aggression, we used a systematic approach as it allows us to more accurately determine the nature of one or another manifestation of verbal aggression and to reveal the features of its functioning in the studied speech environment.

Kinds speech aggression stood out and described in the form of a dichotomy - binary oppositions, since in the structure of opposition, firstly, it is easier to establish the parameters of difference, to identify the differential features of members of the opposition. Secondly, this approach makes it possible to create a clearer, logically structured and scientifically verified description of the formal and substantive characteristics of opposition members.

First of all, the types of verbal aggression can be classified according to intensity, or severity - from weak ("worn out") to the strongest. This basis for classification is distinguished, in particular, by A.K. Mikhalskaya (51, p. 166).

Strong manifestations of verbal aggression should obviously include swearing, swearing, extremely emotionally and expressively expressed direct censure, a rude demand pronounced in a sharply raised tone ("cry").

An example of such speech aggression is a fragment of a dictaphone recording XVII: a verbal squabble of fifth-graders who are extremely aggressive towards the teacher and towards each other, who argued about whether they had performed the task proposed by the teacher before: “We have already done this! cho ?! - Shut up, bastard !!! ". Speech situations XIII, XIV, XVI, XVIII and others from dictaphone recordings were also noted with strong verbal aggression.

However, according to our research, the pronounced, strong verbal aggression includes not only statements uttered in a raised tone and containing direct insults to the addressee, but also particularly hostile remarks, sarcastic ridicule, and weighty in content (and not only in the form of expression) threats.

The weak manifestations of verbal aggression include, for example, not very rude, but with the absence of an apology and the necessary formulas of politeness, refusal, hidden reproach, indirect condemnation, indirect insult (for example, "he is like that", "you said about yourself" - from the works students). Unfortunately, predominantly strong manifestations of verbal aggression were diagnosed in the speech of schoolchildren, which does not allow us to cite more diverse illustrative material here.

Meanwhile, according to the just remark of A.K. Mikhalskaya, "such speech acts are generally difficult to consider aggressive, since not every blasphemy or censure is aggression." (51, p. 166) In this regard, it is necessary to emphasize once again that the question of the degree of aggressiveness of this or that statement should be decided each time individually - in the context of a specific speech situation; and, obviously, the main criterion here is the result - the effect of the statement on the addressee, his response (see 1.3).

It is very important to classify the types of verbal aggression according to the degree of their awareness (reflection) by the speakers and purposefulness, which, as already noted, first of all allows us to establish the presence of aggression in a particular statement.

On this basis, it is necessary to distinguish between conscious, purposeful speech aggression and unconscious or insufficiently conscious (reactive). In accordance with our "working" definition of verbal aggression, the first is associated more with the expression of negative feelings and emotions and is an aggressive speech behavior; the second expresses negative intentions and is speech activity. In addition, speaking of purposeful verbal aggression, one should consider such its varieties as instrumental and deliberate aggression.

Summarizing the definitions of these concepts in various scientific sources, we can say that the term "deliberate aggression" (including verbal) is applicable to those cases when the main goal of the aggressor is to inflict suffering on the victim. This is speech aggression due to an inner urge.

The concept of "instrumental aggression", on the contrary, characterizes the cases when the aggressor pursues goals that are not related to causing harm, that is, causing damage is not an end in itself for him, but "it was necessary" or, according to subjective consciousness, "it was necessary to act." In this case, speech aggression is caused by an external stimulus and is used rather to fulfill various desires of the individual, for example, coercion, self-assertion, self-esteem, etc.

Examples of deliberate speech aggression are the answers of students in grades 6 and 8, obtained by us in the process of applying the projective technique of unfinished phrases. So, as a continuation of the phrase “I can raise my voice to someone who ...” the following statements took place: “... I am younger” (the goal is to establish dominance or to confirm it); "... who gets bored" (the goal is to get rid of the object); "... I tell him one thing, and he does another"; "... did not obey me"; "... does not do what I told him" (the goal is to subdue, "to insist on his own"); "... poorly at school" (the goal is to express disapproval or demonstrate their intellectual superiority).

Examples of instrumental speech aggression of schoolchildren are the following continuation of the same phrase: "... raised his voice at me"; "... shouts at me very hard"; "... calls me names"; "... will be rude to me"; "... didn't please me", etc.

Sometimes, from the point of view of purposefulness, it is proposed (for example, by ND Levitov) to distinguish between proactive and defensive aggression.

Initiative verbal aggression occurs when the aggressor is the instigator. In this case, it is advisable, in our opinion, to introduce such a concept as "speech attack". Defensive aggression occurs when the utterance is a response to aggression, a kind of defensive reaction.

Examples of deliberate, purposeful, self-directed aggression by schoolchildren are situations recorded by a hidden dictaphone such as insults at a student unloved by the class (XIII); verbal squabble of schoolchildren over a place at a desk (XIV); collective mockery of a girl who did not do her homework (XV), etc.

As examples of defensive reactive verbal aggression of students, the following situations from dictaphone recordings can be cited: response speech aggression of a student to a hostile remark from a classmate (XVII); verbal aggression of the student in response to the teacher's unwanted action (VII), etc.

It is obvious that all the considered concepts (purposeful-behavioral aggression; hostile-instrumental; initiative-defensive), in one way or another, are associated with the categories of purpose, intention, result, and the criteria for their identification often overlap. Therefore, it is advisable to analyze this or that speech situation, taking into account the existence and use of a set of these terms.

By the nature, way of expression, one can distinguish explicit (open) and hidden (implicit) verbal aggression.

Our studies have shown that when studying open verbal aggression, it is necessary to take into account the correspondence of the formal and substantive plans within the framework of one aggressive statement. On this basis, such statements can be conditionally divided into three groups:

1. Statements in which aggression is expressed both in form and in content. Most often these are separate remarks, which are characterized by a pronounced exclamatory intonation and voice suggestiveness (the desire to influence the interlocutor with the help of a voice); often - with an increased rate of speech as a continuous stream of insults, remarks, demands, explicit threats (like "You are a fool-idiot-you-I'm-tired-go-get-out of here !!!").

Obviously, such manifestations of verbal aggression include statements that, in terms of content, are a clear threat, intentional insult, rude demand, reprimand, rude refusal. Examples from dictaphone records: "U! Vinogradov! Fool! Freak!" (XIII); "Stop humming, I said! Well, that's it! Get out, ur-r-rod !!!" (XIV).

2. Statements in which aggression is expressed only through formal signs. In such statements, outwardly there is no aggressive meaning (message of information, appeal, question, attempt to persuade, justify), but at the same time aggression is clearly contained in the tone, timbre, tempo of speech.

Real examples of such statements can probably only be obtained with the help of recordings on a hidden dictaphone, recording live spoken speech in natural conditions of communication: "Why ?! Offended-evil, stretching out the words Why? Whom am I deceiving?! .. Why am I What did I collect them then ?! the prevalence of exclamation intonation over interrogative, gradual increase in tone, repetition of the same words (VII); "What am I?! .. dissatisfied and in a raised tone I know! grudgingly bickering "(IX).

3. Open aggression, contained only in the content of the statement. This type of speech aggression should include statements that are spiteful gossip, obvious slander, explicit denunciation in terms of content, but are neutral in terms of formal characteristics (intonation, timbre, tempo of speech). Probably, the main criteria that make it possible to distinguish such statements from hidden forms of speech aggression (the same complaints, gossip, slander, only of an implicit nature) are the unambiguity of the aggressive nature of these statements; the obviousness of the aggressiveness of the subject's intentions; awareness of this unambiguity and obviousness by the majority of participants in the communication situation.

This type of speech aggression seems to be the most difficult to study, since its diagnosis requires, firstly, considerable time, which allows to establish very important cause-and-effect relationships in such cases, to trace the dynamics of the development of the phenomenon - its increasing or descending nature, the degree of involvement and the number of participants in the speech situation, etc. Secondly, to study such statements, it is necessary to know, not always available to the researcher, the specifics of interpersonal relations in a given team, the characteristics of hierarchical relationships within this team, the role of communicants in a given communication situation, etc.

Latent manifestations of verbal aggression almost always arise at the manipulative level of communication, since it is precisely this (in contrast to the primitive) that is characterized by an indirect, indirect influence on the addressee, the use of clearly thought out and prepared in advance communicative tactics. Therefore, it is obviously fair to say that latent manifestations of speech aggression are more likely to realize various aggressive intentions than express any negative feelings and emotions. Although it is also fair that negative feelings and emotions (for example, hatred, envy, irritation, contempt) underlie aggressive intentions (for example, a desire for revenge, a desire to humiliate, a plan to slander) and thus are the root cause of aggression, its "trigger ".

One way or another, latent speech aggression is realized most often in hostile hints, ironic remarks, latent threats; sometimes - in the form of gossip, denunciations, slander, disguised as an innocent message, information about the addressee.

It is obvious that the main difficulties in the study of latent manifestations of verbal aggression are their diagnosis and classification, which is explained, firstly, by the possibility of using a limited range of diagnostic methods - those that allow direct observation of the phenomenon under study (first of all, visual observation with verbal registration and dictaphone record).

In addition, it is very difficult to establish the degree of aggressiveness of such statements, since they often lack the listed formal signs of verbal aggression. Obviously, the degree of aggressiveness of such statements can only be established by the context and only after a detailed analysis of the conditions of the communication situation, which become the only parameters for classifying these statements as aggressive.

Consider, for example, the following phrase: "Do you still have a comment to make?" (from dictaphone recording VI). Being a question in form, it actually represents a latent threat, since its negative consequences for the addressee are obvious, although they are revealed only in the context of the entire communication situation: the teacher, dissatisfied with the student's behavior even after several comments made before, transfers him to another desk ... The form of the order and the raised tone of the statement, as well as the consequences that are clearly undesirable for the addressee, which are implicitly implied in the question-threat, make it possible to classify this phrase as a manifestation of speech aggression.

In relation to the object, one can speak of "transient" and "intransient" speech aggression. To distinguish between these types of verbal aggression, A.K. Mikhalskaya identifies such parameters as the presence / absence of a certain object of aggression; representation / non-representation of the object of aggression in a given speech situation; concreteness / abstractness of the object.

According to these parameters, one can speak of transitional aggression in the case "if the object is clearly defined, whereas in the case of intransitive abuse, aggression is directed" around ", at everything around, as if" dispersed "." (51, p.67)

Thus, transient aggression is aimed at a real and concretely represented participant in a given speech situation, while intransitive aggression takes place in cases where a person abstractly scolds "life in general", expressing a generally negative position in relation to society and people around him. For example, a student dissatisfied with the grade, leaving the class after lessons and seeing his classmates carelessly playing, says the following phrase: "Well, you all idiots! Goats!"

It is significant that in the course of the ascertaining experiment, cases of intransient aggression were recorded in the speech of both students and teachers quite rarely and only in the process of using the method of visual observation. This fact allows us to make a tentative conclusion that this type of aggression in living speech is much less common than transient aggression.

Considering situations of "displaced" aggression, some researchers distinguish different ways of moving the object of aggression. For example, N. D. Levitov (36, p. 170) describes three such ways ("ways" - in his terminology):

1. Generalization (or transfer by similarity), when aggression "seems to radiate, capturing objects similar to the one that was originally the" victim "". For some reason, such aggressive statements are not addressed directly to the "victim", but to objects similar to her in some way - for example, friends (similar hobbies, clothing style, lifestyle), parents (similarity in appearance, outlook, social status , nationality, etc.), generally to any people.

In addition, often in one speech situation, generalized verbal aggression can be observed along with manifestations of transitional aggression, that is, simultaneously affect the object itself. For example, at the sight of a girl who looks like a real object of aggression, one schoolgirl says to the other: "Look, what an ugly one walks - a nose with potatoes, crooked legs. Just like our Lenka, she imagined!" Another example: while reading a magazine, a girl turns to her friend: "Listen, here is an article about Ivanov from our class. He is also a fool and a poor student, but he shows off more than anyone else!"

2. Transference through contiguous associations (speech aggression directed at objects belonging to a real victim or abstract concepts associated with her - family, work, hobbies, etc.). Most often these are threats, insults, hostile or ironic remarks or ridicule: "Again this ugly backpack is lying on my desk - now I will throw it to hell!"; "What a stupid dress she's wearing!"; "It was his hysterical mother who complained about us!" (from the writings of students). One similar example was recorded in a dictaphone recording (XVIII): a student, who is interfered with by a schoolmate with his inappropriate game in the lesson, turns to the teacher: "Why is he trying to get to me ?! I'm tired! .. With his stupid face."

3. Moving to the so-called "scapegoat", that is, to such a person, and sometimes to an inanimate object, which "fall under the arm" or usually resignedly endure the unworthy attacks of the aggressor. For example, the solution of the problem is not possible - the teacher is to blame, who "explains poorly and generally the fool himself." They downgraded the mark for blots in the notebook - "the idiotic pen is to blame, which again smears." They did not summon to the board - "this upstart Sidorov interfered again!" etc.

In addition to the types of speech aggression considered, it is also necessary to distinguish between speech aggression by the number of participants in the communication situation - mass and socially closed. This, in particular, is indicated by A.K. Mikhalskaya, highlighting situations of speech aggression in which "masses of people participate under the leadership of a leader", where "all participants unite in an act of speech aggression against some common" enemy "represented / not represented in the situation by a specific person / persons" in which " the leader purposefully and deliberately influences the special instinct ... -concert, etc.).

In relation to the other types of verbal aggression that we have described, mass aggression is purposeful (proactive), open (explicit), most often - strong, pronounced. Such speech aggression can be both transitional (if it is directed at a concrete and presented object in a given speech situation), and intransitive (if the object is abstract or absent in a given speech situation).

If we talk about the varieties of such verbal aggression in the school speech environment, then they should probably be classified in terms of concreteness / abstractness; presence / absence of an object:

1. Mass verbal aggression aimed at an abstract, not really present object. An example in which students are participants: a class or even several classes, a parallel (after a school line, an exam, a collective hike, general cleaning of the school territory, etc.) very emotionally and openly express their negative attitude towards the school administration (school in general, to all the "authors of stupid textbooks", the generally poor organization of the event, etc.). The instigator here is also a particularly dissatisfied (undeservedly injured, etc.) student.

2. Massive verbal aggression directed at a specific and most often directly present object. Examples - a very strong on the scale of intensity expression of a negative attitude of the class towards one of the students due to the fact that it was he, and not someone else, who was called to the blackboard (dictaphone recording XIII); collective ridicule of a girl who did not do her homework (XV); speech aggression of the class, dissatisfied with the teacher's decision to delay the class at recess, which is due to the slowness of one student (XVI).

A special kind of transient mass aggression in school environmentFrom the point of view of the composition of the participants in an "annoying" situation, according to our data, there is a case when both the teacher (teachers) and the students are participants in this aggression. An example is a speech situation from the already described dictaphone recording of XVI: the actions of a schoolchild looking for a core are subjected to aggressive condemnation and ridicule alternately by the teacher, then by classmates.

The specificity of this situation is the difference in the aggressive motivation of its participants. So, in the given example, the teacher considers himself in the right to openly condemn the child and delay the class at recess due to the fact that they all interfere with his lesson, and the students scold the classmate because because of him they will be delayed at recess (and not due to the fact that he interferes with the teacher).

Another feature of this situation is the bi-directional nature of verbal aggression (in this case: open - against the student and less obvious - against the teacher) and, as a result, - the creation of a particularly tense emotional atmosphere, especially negative speech impact on the addressee.

3. Multidirectional mass verbal aggression with a homogeneous composition of participants in the speech situation. A characteristic feature of such a situation is that due to the presence of several objects (among which there may be concrete and abstract, presented or absent), both transient and intransitive speech aggression may be present here.

For example, one member of a large group of students begins to aggressively criticize a teacher. His aggression is passed on to other students, who, in turn, begin to scold each of his own: some - the same teacher; the other is the subject that this teacher is teaching; the third of his parents, who force him to study this subject, etc.

A real example of such "multidirectional" mass verbal aggression can also be observed in the example already described with a boy who has lost his core. So, after the teacher informs about his decision to delay the class at recess, a sharp increase in the general background noise follows. Synchronous cries are heard, which are difficult to hear on the tape, but their essence is clearly aggressive and boils down to the following: some students try to verbally influence a classmate (using threats, insults, hostile and ironic remarks); others find out who is to blame (in the form of verbal squabbles, with the help of the same insults and hostile remarks); still others are outraged by the teacher's decision.

It should be noted that in school conditions it is difficult to observe examples of mass speech aggression (which are cited, for example, by K. Lorenz, A.K. Mikhalskaya), since the concept of "mass" presupposes a large number of people, at least superior to the school class and even parallel. Therefore, it would probably be more correct to talk about the manifestations of group speech aggression, considering it in comparison with its interpersonal manifestations.

So, the types of speech aggression can be classified on different grounds, the most important of which, as we have established, are the intensity of manifestation, the degree of awareness by the subject, the nature of the severity, the direction of aggression and the number of participants in the communication situation.

Verbal aggression occurs, unfortunately, in our society quite often. What is it? "Aggression" speaks for itself. Aggression, whatever it may be, is a destructive, destructive phenomenon. The word "verbal" means that it is not explicit, but manifested psychologically, at the level of communication between people. Generally verbal aggression - this is the desire of one or more people to devalue and humiliate the feelings, achievements, dignity of another (others), condemnation and criticism, angry attacks against a weaker partner, refusal of moral support.

What is verbal aggression?

Were you rude in transport, answered incorrectly on the phone, took your remark unkindly, served in a store with a disgruntled face? Consider you have been the victim of verbal abuse. And as a result, your mood is spoiled, you feel depressed, an unpleasant aftertaste in your soul. In addition, you may develop resentment towards the aggressor, resentment, anger, and even retaliatory aggression. If you succumb to all these manifestations of feelings, a conflict may arise that does not bode well for you personally. If you harbor all your negative feelings that have arisen in your soul, without allowing them to splash out on the offender, they can begin to destroy you from the inside, which is also not good.

Let's consider another situation. Two close people are in close contact with each other, one of whom clearly expresses his superiority, suppressing the psyche of the other. In this case, the aggressor can behave consciously or unconsciously. That is, he may not even understand that he is causing psychological trauma to a loved one. Or he does it deliberately, wishing to obtain submission from the victim. At the same time, he can act defiantly, aggressively, showing his imaginary superiority downrightly. Or softly, out of tishka, laughing at the merits and achievements of the other. A deliberate decrease in the victim's self-esteem can be used in the form of remarks like “where are you going,” “not mature enough,” “who, who is not you,” etc.

Verbal aggressors can act as parents in relation to, as long as they are influenced. Likewise, children in relation to their parents, when the latter become weaker, primarily psychologically. Non-physical violence often occurs between spouses. Moreover, there is absolutely no dependence on gender. Since verbal aggressors can be both.

What is the danger of verbal aggression?

The greatest danger in any violence consists in suppressing the will of a person, violating his freedom, imposing someone else's opinion on him. If this is a one-time act, then the victim receives a dose that he can easily cope with. If negative experience is repeated with some frequency, it accumulates and leaves an imprint on a person's character traits.

Self-esteem decreases and appears in their own strength. Complexes grow, i.e. he begins to really believe that something is wrong with him. If you do not take action in time, the victim complex increases. She tries to change her behavior, tries to become better in order to avoid further suppression and disapproval from the aggressor. However, all this does not work. Because it’s not a matter of sacrifice, but of the very ill-starter.

Besides, verbal aggression borders on the physical. Most often, one gradually passes into the other. Not receiving rebuff, he gradually becomes bold in his actions and soon is no longer shy either in expressions or in actions. To confront him with the victim becomes more and more difficult. Since, being exposed to prolonged psychological negative influences, she loses control over her own, submitting almost completely to the will of the aggressor. Both characters fall into a vicious circle, from which it is difficult for both.

However, there is always a way out of any situation!

How to deal with verbal aggression?

Remember - each person is responsible for his own life! We all get what we deserve. And if you are a victim verbal aggression, it means that they contributed to this with their actions, or did not interfere. Realize that you should not rely on someone to come and do everything for you. This awareness is called taking responsibility for your life. And it is the very first step on the path to liberation.

If your mood was ruined on the way to work or in another situation, do not rush to blame the offenders, try to smile at them in response to arrogance, rudeness or ill will. Or simply “not notice”. This advice may sound silly to you, but try it and see an unusual reaction! The main thing is not to let the flow of negativity into your personal space. To do this, you can mentally surround yourself with a protective shield, or you should be internally relaxed and calm. After all, as you know, even balanced people do not notice the negative, because they are tuned to a different wavelength.

However, we can not always pull ourselves together so as not to succumb to the temptation to respond with rudeness to rudeness, rudeness to rudeness. What to do in such cases? First of all, you should not engage in self-criticism and accuse yourself of incontinence. Tell yourself: “I did this because at that moment I did not know how to act differently! Next time I will be more circumspect and will not allow myself to sink to the level of a boor. ”Such a thought will allow you to quickly calm down and leave the situation in the past.

Now let's talk about more serious forms. verbal aggression... If there is violence in the family, in no case should you leave everything as it is, in the hope that everything will somehow work itself out! Our life is not given to us so that we live it in discontent, depression and self-pity. And only we can change the situation.

At the first sign of disrespect, stop any attempts. Softly, correctly, but persistently. Do not under any circumstances back down from your words. Even if verbal abuse is already a habit in your family, it is never too late to change the situation. Make up your mind and fight back the tyrant. He will certainly be taken aback by a non-standard reaction. And at this time, take a moment and more calmly, but no less persistently, confirm the seriousness of your intentions.

If the situation gets out of control, make a decision and. You are entitled to the best by your birthright! Yours are worthy of living in a calm environment. After all, the child's psyche is the most vulnerable and suffers greatly from verbal aggression. In the future, these children can grow into people with an inferiority complex and self-doubt. And most importantly, listening to the experience of parents, as the only and therefore the most correct in their understanding, they will transfer it to their family, consciously or subconsciously suffering from themselves.

Life is fleeting, so live it every day in harmony with yourself! How to do it? Yes, just make a decision from now on and forever adhere to this principle, and unswervingly follow this decision! And you will succeed!