Aggression in psychology
Aggression in psychology is defined as a special type of behavior that is aimed solely at harming both living people and inanimate objects. As a rule, such a manifestation serves as a reaction to all kinds of mental or physical frustrations, discomfort,stress s. In some cases, aggression can be used to achieve a certain goal, for example, for self-affirmation or obtaining a certain status.
If motivated aggression (with a reason) is a completely natural manifestation of human nature, then unmotivated aggression (without a reason) is already a serious reason to turn to a psychotherapist.
Attacks of aggression: how to win?
For many people, bouts of aggression, or, more simply, quick temper, greatly interfere with their lives. Let's look at several ways to tame your nature:
- drink a glass of water;
- concentrate on breathing, inhale and exhale slowly;
- get distracted, remember something good;
- mentally count from 10 to 1;
- relax your body - face, arms, legs, move away from the problem;
- pinch yourself several times.
If such methods do not help you, this is a reason to contact a professional. Only a psychotherapist can figure out the causes and find a solution to the problem.
Physical aggression -
The use of physical force against a physical object, another person, a social group. Physical aggression is manifested by certain psychomotor acts observed from the outside, often represented by one or another sequence of them (jolts, blows, beatings, torture, etc.)
The first is physical aggression towards oneself (its behavioral signs: scratching, pinching itself, tearing hair, beating itself, breaking fists, throwing itself on the floor, inflicting superficial wounds and burns on itself, causing serious damage to itself).
The second is physical aggression towards objects (its behavioral signs: an individual slams doors, tears clothes, throws things down, stains walls, breaks things and breaks windows, makes a fire, and spoils valuable property).
The third is physical aggression directed at others (its behavioral signs: the individual swings to strike, grabs the opponent by his clothes, threatens him with unambiguous gestures, hits, pulls him by the hair; attacks, causing light damage; causes serious injury).
Verbal aggression
FROM the symbolic form of aggression in the form of causing psipsychological harm with the use of predominantly vocal (shouting, change in tone) and verbal components of speech (invective, insults, etc.). It is expressed using lexes of aggression (see). At the same time, the fact of causing harm must be real and obviously obvious to both the aggressor for the aggressor and his victim.
Verbal aggression can be overt or covert. Open verbal aggression is manifested by a clear intention to inflict communicative damage on the addressee and is expressed in obvious humiliating forms (swearing, shouting). Such behavior often tends to turn into physical aggression when the aggressor shamelessly invades the addressee's personal space (see aggression transfers). Latent verbal aggression is systematic and derogatory pressure on the addressee, but without the open manifestation of hostile emotions.
Verbal aggression makes you feel resentment, depression, anger, it is possible that you will not slow down with a response. Thus, you can succumb to verbal abuse as a result of impolite service to you in the store. Often non-physical aggression occurs between spouses, parent and children.
How to deal with verbal aggression?
If you feel that you have become a victim of an aggressor, try to pull yourself together and not respond rudely. This will only aggravate the situation by creating unnecessary conflicts. In the case when it seems that a little more and verbal aggression will fall on you, mentally place yourself in a glass case, through which the interlocutor's negative will not affect your peaceful state.
Non-verbal aggression is a series of signals that indicate the aggressive mood of your interlocutor. In other words, sign language shows the latter's intentions regarding your personality.
Indirect aggression
- aggressive actions presented in a hidden, disguised form. They are indirectly directed at a certain person (group, offspring, cultural norm, moral principle, religious dogma, etc.) - the true victim of aggression. Examples of indirect aggression include vandalism, defamation, malicious rumors, etc. A special kind of indirect aggression, from the green's point of view, is environmental damage. The persons who inflict it usually realize that the damage they inflict on nature threatens, first of all, future generations, but the pests themselves are more important than the motives of their own enrichment or some other, equally personal or narrow-group. Sometimes, indirect aggression is called actions that are characterized by their lack of direction and disorder, such as explosions of rage or punching on the table (Meshcheryakov, Zinchenko, 2004). At the same time, the direction of such actions is carefully hidden or not realized by the subject of aggression himself.
NEGATIVISM
H agativism (English negativism; from Lat.negatio - negation) - the subject's resistance to the influences exerted on him, devoid of reasonable grounds. The concept of negativism was originally used only in relation to pathological phenomena that arise in certain forms of mental illness. In mentally ill patients, N. can manifest itself not only in relation to the influences of other people, but also in connection with the action of internal impulses (delays in speech, movements, and some physiological functions).
Currently, this concept has acquired a broader meaning: it is used in pedagogy and psychology to denote any seemingly unmotivated resistance to someone else's influence. N. arises as a defensive reaction to influences that conflict with the needs of the subject. In these cases, refusal to fulfill the requirement is a way to get out of the conflict and release from its traumatic influence. Most often, N. occurs in children in relation to the requirements of adults, presented without taking into account the needs of children. Negativism increases with states of fatigue or overexcitement n. from. (cm. Children's negativism ).
N.'s form is stubbornness, behind which is the motive of self-affirmation. Negativism and stubbornness are united by the fact that they arise on the basis of a person's subjective states, while ignoring objectively existing goals (cf.Persistence ).
Verbal aggression is statements or intonational components of statements that serve to inflict mental pain or are aimed at causing negative experiences of another person or living being.
NS Yakimova draws attention to the fact that statements become aggressive only in those cases when they cause a reverse equivalent action. Otherwise, even the most terrible word forms in common practice are perceived as adequate and not traumatic. But this is not always the case. The fact is that verbal aggression is often directed at those creatures or people who cannot fully respond to such an act. For example, a parent who yells at a child is essentially committing an act of violence. But the same response is not always observed. More often than not, the child just cries. And in the case of a leader, the subordinate is generally forced to silently “swallow” all the aggression. That is, it is more correct to speak not about the reverse action, but about the reverse reaction. And it doesn't matter how this reaction manifests itself. The main thing is that it causes anxiety or excitement. This is called the "reciprocity principle."
It is also worth separating verbal aggression from the phenomenon of linguistic violence. The fact is that linguistic violence does not have a definite victim, but directs the utterance to a wide, clearly unidentified circle of persons. For example, persons of Jewish or Gypsy nationality. Even jokes about blondes or Chukchi can be attributed to a form of linguistic violence. Verbal aggression is always substantive and clearly aimed at defending one's positions or points of view in front of a specific person.
Aggressive verbal behavior can be caused by:
However, in all cases the motive of behavior comes to the fore. And the determining motive is precisely the desire to inflict internal harm on the interlocutor. This is also expressed in the sense-forming concept, and not only in the design of the speech. After all, we can recall, for example, the communication of certain individuals containing a large amount of obscene language. But, at the same time, this very abuse is broadcast and perceived as insertion words and does not cause offensive feelings. Because, in this case, there is no defining motive and deliberate actions in the form of insult.
Types
What exactly is verbal aggression? In fact, this is one of ten types of experimentally identified variants of verbal attacks, which can be as follows:
Why are non-verbal signs included in the layer of verbal aggression? Yes, because with the help of them, expressions and phrases take on completely different, offensive forms. We refer to the mentioned signs:
- gestures (clenched fists, arms crossed or rested on the sides);
- facial expressions (angry or dismissive facial expressions);
- postures ("imperative postures" are always perceived as a provocation);
- visual contact (a look that is perceived as "arrogant" can act as a provocative one);
- intonation and timbre of voice (even a phrase that is harmless in meaning can be shouted or said with disdain, provoking resentment);
- organization of time and space of communication (intrusion without demand on "someone else's territory" or an urgent challenge to one's own, realizing that communication in such a place will be uncomfortable, is already regarded as an act of attack).
“Do you think this is so?” Says a parent or leader. In fact, this phrase is not offensive. But if you add a certain pose, timbre of voice, put your hands on your hips, and even call the interlocutor “to the office on the carpet to the authorities”. A harmless phrase immediately becomes a threat, a condemnation of opinions and attitudes. And the phrase: "Everything is clear with you, my dear" with certain non-speech "additions" casts doubt on the level of mental abilities and competence. In a word, that in the first, that in the second case, it gives internal discomfort and experiences.
After verbal aggression, physical aggression can be provoked. This happens if there is an initial mood of the object of aggression due to its characteristics: personal, social or situational. Personality characteristics most often include age and gender. Social factors include ethnicity, social well-being of the environment, level of education and general culture.
The situational ones most often include the environment, the physical, physiological and neuro-emotional state of a person and additional factors that can affect the adequacy of the assessment and perception of the situation. But the influence of social factors should not be written off. These factors are determined by the national mentality and the division of certain linguistic norms as "unacceptable" or "acceptable". So, in some ethnic groups, it may be absolutely unacceptable to make an offensive statement about the parents of the interlocutor. And such things always provoke an act of physical aggression. Whereas in another group it will not cause such a violent reaction.
Verbal aggression can take the form of direct aggression, which is performed directly on someone here and now. Or maybe indirect. Indirect verbal aggression is not homogeneous and includes two different, but complementary concepts. In the first case, it is viewed as aggressive behavior, the focus of which on a particular person is hidden. In the second case, it is considered as aggression, which in a roundabout way strives to hurt the victim. In fact, these two concepts are similar in principle of action - without direct expression. It looks like intrigue and gossip. Insult is achieved by causing damage primarily to a person's reputation.
Aggression in children and adolescents
Despite the fact that such linguistic acts can be performed by almost all people, most often they turn to psychologists or psychotherapists about verbal aggression in children and adolescents. It is worth saying that the language and speech of adolescents is intensively developing and improving both by increasing the vocabulary and by understanding the ambiguous interpretations of some words and phrases. The teenager realizes that expressing his view of some things does not have to be in words. There are many other ways.
Modern teenagers are less and less fond of books and theater, and more and more often - computers and television. Therefore, they absorb the variants of aggression expressed in speech form... And it doesn't matter who these expressions fly out of: a convict, an outcast, a game character. After all, television programs, as well as computer games, according to many observers, have become more aggressive.
It is hypothetically believed that the motives of verbal aggression in adolescents are as follows:
- the need for self-realization, even if this occurs due to the oppression of the interests or personal space of another person;
- the need for self-affirmation when the child begins to rebel against the authorities;
- the need for self-defense when you have to defend your living space or freedom of choice.
As for toddlers, pre-adolescent, with the help of verbal aggression, children often “mask” important and painful inner experiences: sadness, anger, but more often - a feeling of loneliness, fear of being abandoned. Therefore, it is not uncommon for such options to "change the child" occur during periods of replenishment of the family with younger children, during the period of divorce, change of residence and other life situations that traumatize the little person. Even if such is the need to “survive” or “defend your personal space” in a large team, for example, in a kindergarten group.
Here we can note the fact that the forms change somewhat.
Thus, verbal direct aggression most often takes the form of teasers: “Masha is yogurt”, “Zhora is a glutton”. Although they can go down to the level of insults. Moreover, not all sets of curses are mastered adequately at this age. Therefore, in addition to "infection" and "mare", as a swear word, words can be used that, for whatever reason, were "included" in this list.
For example, a child may call someone a “hand”. In his mind, this word means a real monster with "some long and huge or ugly hands." Whereas in our view it is more likely a person who makes or repairs something very well. In addition, a psychologist may generally surprise the parents who are shocked by the child's vocabulary: it turns out that the baby does not express aggression at all. He simply retells new words he has heard from others.
Complaints remain vivid manifestations of indirect verbal aggression in childhood. Although, as a rule, they are leveled without psychological correction work. But, most attention should be paid to aggressive fantasies. In them, as a rule, the child does not “punish the offender” himself: “the policeman will come and take you away”, “I will tell the janitor and he will take you far, far away, to the trash heap”. The fact is that such types of fantasies may indicate the formation of a child's low self-esteem and be a litmus of his inability to fight back problems or offenders without anyone's help. You can also talk about options for overprotection of a parent or family member, which suppresses the little personality.
Treatment
What can be advised in these cases? Of course, don't get discouraged and deal with problems. Psychologists or psychotherapists will help you with this.
As a rule, children and adolescents who are prone to verbalizing their aggression are able to easily get into conversation. The thing is that they are happy to communicate and be heard. Consequently, the correction of such manifestations is quite good.
Author of the article: Lapshun Galina Nikolaevna, Master of Psychology, Category I psychologist
in psychology
on the topic: "Verbal aggression"
11-B grade students
Gymnasium number 5
Lomova Anna
G. Melitopol
Verbal aggression is words that hurt and make a person believe that he is probably an idea of \u200b\u200bthe world around him and about himself.
General characteristics verbal aggression:
1. Verbal aggression destroys. It is especially destructive when the aggressor pretends that nothing is happening. The partner feels aggression, but his feelings are not taken into account, his opinion is not taken into account, he becomes even more painful from the feeling of confusion and disappointment.
2. Verbal aggression strikes at a partner's self-esteem and abilities. He himself begins to believe that something is wrong with him, that he has no abilities, that he does not perceive the world correctly.
3. Verbal aggression can be open (angry attacks and insults) or covert (very subtle and gradual, brainwashing). Overt aggression is usually accusations of something that the partner has never done or even thought to do. Latent aggression - stealthy aggression is even more destructive. The purpose of such aggression is to subjugate a partner so that he himself does not know about it.
4. In verbal aggression, expressions of contempt can be very sincere and clear.
5. Verbal aggression is by nature manipulative and seeks to control another person. Usually the victim does not realize that she is being controlled and manipulated. She may notice, however, that her life is not going at all the way she planned, and of course there is no joy in her life.
6. Verbal aggression is insidious. The one from whom verbal aggression emanates, treats his partner, shows contempt and devaluation of him so that:
The victim's self-esteem drops significantly, despite the fact that she does not notice it.
The victim loses self-confidence without realizing it.
The victim may consciously or unconsciously try to change his behavior style so as not to irritate the aggressor and so that he no longer hurts her.
The victim may not accept this, but she is methodically brainwashed.
7. Verbal aggression is unpredictable. Unpredictability is one of the main characteristics of verbal aggression. The partner is literally knocked out and ruts, bewildered, shocked by angry, sarcastic jokes, injections and comments of the aggressor.
No matter how smart and educated the victim is, she never manages to prepare for an attack, and even more so she will never be able to understand why she is being attacked and how to avoid the attack.
8. Verbal aggression is a relationship building problem. When a married couple is faced with a real problem about a real fact of life, for example, if the question arises of raising responsibility in children or how much time to spend together and apart, everyone can be angry, but both sides can say: “I am angry about this or this "or" I want this. " And naturally, if they are driven by good will, they eventually come to a compromise, that is, the problem is resolved. In relations with verbal aggression, there is no conflict as such. The very fact of aggression is a problem, and this issue is not resolved. That is, this problem is not resolved.
9. Verbal aggression contains a double message. There is a constant contrast between what the aggressor is telling you and his true feelings for you. For example, he seems sincere and honest when he tells his partner that something is wrong with him, or he may say: “No, I’m not angry at all!” - but in fact he says this with malice. Or he can invite his partner to have dinner at a restaurant, and during dinner, behave aloof with him, indifferently, as if he does not understand what the partner is doing here at all.
10. Verbal aggression tends to intensify, it becomes more intense, frequent and takes on more and more sophisticated forms. For example, at the initial stage of communication, the aggressor can only attack a partner with malicious attacks under the guise of jokes or restraint, gradually he adds other forms of aggression.
In many cases, verbal aggression turns into physical aggression, which, in turn, also does not begin immediately, but gradually, with "unintentional" pushes, kicks, slaps, hits, etc., which then turn into direct beating.
As the verbal aggression intensifies, turning into physical violence, the aggressor begins to invade the partner's personal space.
Verbal aggression and power over others
We see that verbal aggression makes it difficult to build real relationships. It seems obvious. Nevertheless, the partner of the aggressor can live his whole life with the illusion that there is a real relationship between them. He will think so for several reasons. The main reason will be that as a married couple they can function quite adequately, fulfilling the roles prescribed by society.
Verbal aggressors usually express most of their emotions in anger. For example, if the aggressor feels insecure and anxious, he may immediately fall into anger, that is, angry at the fact that he suddenly felt insecure and uneasy. Meanwhile, a person is naturally endowed with the ability to experience emotions. This ability to feel, like the ability to think, is universal for human nature. Unfortunately, the aggressor often does not want to accept his own feelings, and even more so to show his true feelings to his partner. He builds a kind of wall between himself and his partner. He artificially creates a distance in communication.
1. Closure
2. Eagerness to object
3. The desire to devalue the achievements and feelings of another.
4. Verbal aggression in the form of jokes.
5. Blocking and distortion of information.
6. Exposing and accusing another.
7. Criticism and condemnation of another.
8. Variety of the meaning of what is happening.
9. Denial of emotional support.
10. Threats
11. Name-calling
12. Command tone.
13. Forgetting and denying facts.
1. Closure
If there is a relationship between people, then communication should be more than just the exchange of information. Relationships mean closeness. Mental closeness implies empathy, empathy. Hearing and understanding another's feelings means empathizing. Mental closeness is impossible if one of the communicating parties does not want to speak openly about feelings, emotions, experiences, that is, does not want to share something and support a partner.
An aggressor who refuses to listen to his partner, denies his feelings, refuses to share his thoughts and feelings - first of all, violates the main unwritten law of relationships. He shows isolation.
Closure, silence, restraint in manifestations acts worse than words and shouts and is a category of verbal aggression. In other words, isolation is a way of behavior when a person keeps all thoughts, feelings, dreams and hopes to himself, and with a partner remains cold, aloof, trying to express himself as little as possible.
"What is there to talk about?"
"What do you want to hear from me?"
"What I've done? I'm listening to you."
"No, it won't interest you"
“Why are you asking my opinion? You will do whatever you want anyway. "
These answers are very disappointing. And it may seem to the partner that their relationship is quite normal, because the companion communicates with you on business issues. At the same time, relationships become meaningless because they lack emotional closeness. In addition to business communication, there are 2 more types of communication. Here are three lists that illustrate all three types of communication.
Communication on business issues:
I'm coming late today.
List on the table.
Do you need help?
Who left this here?
Where is my hammer?
The light is off.
Gasoline will run out soon, we need to refuel.
Communication - sharing thoughts:
Well, what do you think about that?
Just listen to what happened to me when I ...
I was thinking ...
Have you ever thought about ...?
And what do you like…?
What did you think ...?
But most of all I liked…
I feel…
When you're free, can we talk?
Communication is the answer to the exchange of thoughts:
I understand what you mean.
Yes, I understand you.
Interesting.
I didn't even think about it.
Wow!
Well, you must! I always thought…
Are you saying that ...
What are you thinking about?
Do you think that ...?
Prediction and such types of aggression as physical, indirect, verbal and guilt. 2.4 Analysis of the results of an empirical study of the relationship between the ability to predict and aggression in adolescence Final stage empirical study is analytical. It aims to summarize the results of the study and more openly describe the conclusions of the ...
In general, it is of considerable interest precisely for "normal" personality psychology. Autoaggression, as we could see above, is, as a rule, low self-esteem and self-rejection. This is already quite sufficient grounds for the emergence of difficulties of a socio-psychological nature associated with the establishment of contacts and the implementation of productive communication. What is actually fixed on ...
Science and having a high social significance, recently attracts more and more attention of researchers. The study of individual, external and social factors affecting aggressive behavior. Behavior, according to most social psychologists, is a joint function of the individual and her environment. That is, the behavior of an individual in society is determined ...
Their influence on the appearance aggressive behavior · Propose technologies and methods for the prevention and correction of aggressive behavior in adolescents Chapter I. Research of the problem of manifestation of aggression in children and adolescents 1.1 The concept of the term aggression, types of aggression Under aggression is usually understood deliberate actions that cause or intend to harm another person, a group of people ...
Such a concept as verbal in modern society is quite common. If we take it apart in parts, then aggression is a negative phenomenon of a destructive nature, and "verbal" means that it manifests itself in the psychological aspect, in the process of human communication. So, this is the desire of one or several individuals to humiliate the dignity and feelings of others. Such aggression can manifest itself in the form of critical statements, condemnation.
Verbal and non-verbal aggression
Verbal aggression makes you feel resentment, depression, anger, it is possible that you will not slow down with a response. Thus, you can succumb to verbal abuse as a result of impolite service to you in the store. Often non-physical aggression occurs between spouses, parent and children.
Non-verbal is a series of signals that indicate an aggressive attitude of your interlocutor. In other words, sign language shows the latter's intentions regarding your personality.
Physical and verbal aggression
In most cases, frequent manifestations of physical hostility are inherent in men, while verbal - in women. So, the first type of aggression is expressed in the deliberate breakage of various objects, deliberate slamming of front doors, banging with a fist on the table surface (such manifestations are indirect). Direct physical aggression occurs when a person is attacked.
Direct verbal is verbal abuse that is voiced to the person in the face, and indirect - behind the back.
Verbal aggression in adolescents
The frequency of manifestation of aggressive traits in the behavior of a teenager depends, first of all, on how the child's upbringing was in the first years of his life. According to research, boys are characterized by physical and direct verbal aggression, while girls are characterized by direct verbal and indirect aggression (the latter is considered the most common).
It should be emphasized that the greatest manifestation of verbal aggression is found in 
period of 14-15 years. This is due to gender and age characteristics. In adolescents, who are characterized by a striving for leadership, high self-esteem, the level of manifestation of such aggression is much higher.
How to deal with verbal aggression?
If you feel that you have become a victim of an aggressor, try to pull yourself together and not respond rudely. This will only aggravate the situation by creating unnecessary conflicts. In the case when it seems that a little more and verbal aggression will fall on you, mentally place yourself in a glass case, through which the negative of the interlocutor will not affect your peaceful state.
Hearing the word “violence”, we first of all imagine an aggressive person who uses force against a weaker one. However, violence can manifest itself not only in the form of physical aggression, but also in the form of psychological pressure and coercion. And many psychologists are sure that emotional and verbal violence is much more dangerous for a person than physical, since it cripples not the body, but the psyche, etc. A person who is regularly subjected to psychological violence gradually loses confidence in himself and his "I" and begins to live by the desires and attitudes of the aggressor, making efforts to achieve his goals.
Signs and types of psychological abuse
Psychological violence, in contrast to physical violence, is not always obvious, since it can manifest itself not only in the form of shouting, abuse and insults, but also in the form of subtle manipulations of a person's emotions and feelings. In most cases, the goal of the person using psychological violence is to force the victim to change his behavior, opinion, decision and act as the manipulating aggressor wants. However, it should be noted that there is a separate category of people who use psychological violence and pressure in order to mentally break the victim and make him completely dependent on their will. To achieve their goal, the aggressors use the following types of psychological violence:
Protection from psychological abuse
Psychological pressure is easiest for people who do not have strong personal boundaries and do not know how to defend own rights... Therefore, in order to protect yourself from psychological violence, you must first of all designate for yourself your rights and responsibilities in each of the areas of life. Next, you need to act according to the situation, depending on what type of psychological violence is used by the aggressor.
Confronting a lover to command
Faced with a lover to command and give orders, you need to ask yourself two questions: "Am I obliged to follow the orders of this person?" and "What happens if I don't do what he says?" If the answers to these questions are “No” and “Nothing bad for me,” then the self-proclaimed commander should be put in place with something like this: “Why are you telling me what to do? It is not my job to carry out your orders. " Further orders and commands should simply be ignored.
Practical example: Employees A and B work in the same office in the same positions. Employee A regularly shifts part of his duties to employee B, without providing any counter favors in return. In this case, the confrontation with the aggressor will look like this:
A: You are just printing something, well, print my report, and then put it in a folder and take it to the accounting department.
B: Do I work here as your secretary? It is not my job to print your documents and deliver them anywhere. I have a lot of work to do, so take care of your report yourself, and don't distract me, please.
Protection against verbal aggression
The goal is to make the victim feel embarrassed, upset, stressful, start making excuses, etc. Therefore, the best defense against verbal aggression is not to meet the expectations of the aggressor and to react in a completely different way from what he expects: to joke, remain indifferent or feel sorry for the offender. Also an effective way of protection from such psychological violence is the method "psychological aikido" developed by the famous psychologist M. Litvak. The essence of this method is to apply amortization in any conflict situations - smoothing out the conflict by agreeing with all the statements of the aggressor (as a psychiatrist agrees with everything that the patient tells him).
Practical example: The husband calls names and tries to humiliate his wife every time he is in a bad mood. Protection against psychological abuse in this case can be as follows:
M: You can't do anything at all! You are a disgusting mistress, you can't even clean the house normally, there is a feather lying under the sofa!
W: Yes, I am so inept, it is so hard for you with me! Surely you can do better cleaning than I do, so I will be grateful if next time you can help me clean the house.
Confronting ignorance
It is important to remember that deliberate ignorance is always manipulation, so you should not give in to the pressure of the manipulator and try to appease him so that he changes his anger for mercy. A person who is inclined to be constantly offended and “turn on ignore” in response to any actions that do not suit him need to make it clear that playing in silence is his right, but he will not achieve anything by his behavior.
Practical example:Two sisters live in one apartment separately from their parents. The younger sister (M) has been used to manipulating the older sister (C) since childhood. In cases where M does not like something, she deliberately ignores C and triples her boycott. Resisting psychological pressure in such cases is as follows:
S: I'm going on a business trip in a week for two months.
S: This business trip is important for my career. And nothing will happen to you in these two months. You are not a small child - you will find something to entertain yourself with.
M: Does that mean? Then you are no longer my sister and I don't talk to you!
Resisting psychological pressure on feelings of duty or guilt
Strong personal boundaries are strong defenses against the pressures of feelings of guilt and duty. Knowing the boundaries of his rights and obligations, a person will always be able to determine what is not included in his duties. And if a person notices that his boundaries are being violated, he should directly inform the aggressor about the limits of his responsibility and obligations and make it clear that the manipulation has failed.
Practical example: A single mother (M) tries to forbid an adult daughter to go to work in another city, putting pressure on her sense of duty. The rebuff in this case can be as follows:
M: How can you leave me alone? I raised you, raised you, and now you want to leave? Children should be a support for parents in old age, and you leave me!
D: I am not leaving you - I will call you, come to visit and help you with money. Or do you want me to lose the opportunity to get a high-paying job and not be able to fulfill my dreams?
M: What are you saying? Of course, I want you well, but I will feel bad without you!
D: Mom, you are an adult, and I believe that you can find yourself a lot of interesting things to do. I promise I will call you regularly and visit you often.
Resisting bullying
Hearing from a friend, relative or colleague phrases with the meaning “if you don’t do something, then misfortune will happen in your life” or “if you don’t change your behavior, then I will do something bad for you”, you need to ask yourself a question whether the threat is real. In the event that the intimidation or threats have no real basis, the blackmailer can be asked to translate his threat into reality right now. If your life, health or well-being and you are sure that he can fulfill the threat, then it is best to record his words on a dictaphone or video camera and then contact the police.
Practical example:Employee A has not fulfilled his part of the project responsibilities and is trying to intimidate employee B to do his job. You can resist pressure in such cases as follows:
A: Why are you going to leave if the work on the project is not finished yet? If we don't finish today, your boss will fire you. Do you want to be out of work?
Q: I did my part of the work. I don't think I will be fired for not doing your job.
A: The boss doesn't care who does what. He needs a result. So help me if you don't want to be kicked out.
Q: Do you think? Why wait until tomorrow? Let's go to the boss right now and ask him to fire me for refusing to do your part of the duties.
Many people realize that psychological violence is being used against them, but they do not dare to fight back for fear of ruining the relationship with someone who loves to command, manipulate or insult. In such cases, you need to decide for yourself what exactly such relationships are valuable and is not it better not to communicate with an aggressive person at all than to regularly endure his insults and act to your detriment, succumbing to his blackmail and manipulations.
