When love comes, the world around becomes different. But when it disappears, everything loses its meaning. What used to bring joy is not at all pleasing, what made you smile has lost all meaning. It’s hard to cope with such a loss, so you shouldn’t rush to do it. A person always has a chance to correct what happened, not everything, but much of what happens in life. Therefore, instead of being sad and suffering, try to change what is happening and who knows if your love will come back very soon.
Let's see if love can be returned
When love leaves, leaving behind broken relationships and confusion, it is very difficult to accept it. After all, at the first signs of an approaching storm, it seems that everything is not so bad, until it gets really bad. Because few people, having felt cooling on the part of their loved one, thought for even a minute about what was happening. For some reason, many are convinced that it might have seemed like this to them and that they shouldn’t make mountains out of molehills and that it’s better to wait out the storm than to seem stupid or unsure of themselves.
Even if the feelings really have ceased to be the same, you are sure that then everything will work out on its own if you don’t put pressure and don’t show in any way that it hurts. Of course, sometimes some representatives of the fair half of humanity tend to greatly exaggerate problems or create them from scratch. Which is connected, first of all, with the desire to constantly feel admiration and passion, and secondly, with low self-esteem, for raising which they, for some reason, require from men every second declaration of love and heaps of compliments. But it is precisely because of the fear of looking so ridiculous and intrusive in the eyes of the chosen one that many miss the moment when they needed to seriously think about the fact that something is clearly wrong and take the chance to fix everything.
When the moment is lost, it is difficult to predict whether it will be possible to return love, because often a moment simply comes when a person understands that she left not for any specific reasons, but that time has passed and everything is over. But still, in most situations, especially if there is a long-term relationship, the chances of reviving your former passion are very high.
There is no need to despair when the right moment is missed. With great desire and self-confidence, nothing is impossible. And for this, it is first very important to understand whether this person is really so dear as to radically change his style of behavior and even his lifestyle. Is he worthy of such sacrifices and is it not better to let him go, freeing up space in his heart to meet someone who will appreciate and accept him for who he is.
If you are sure that he is the one and it is really part of your fault that he left, then stop being sad and crying and get to work. Take courage, stock up on tissues to wipe away your tears and, taking a blank sheet of paper, describe all the moments that you think led to the breakup. Remember all the quarrels and complaints that were exchanged, which he blamed you most often.
Even if you tried to avoid a showdown and closed in on yourself, remember what you told him that made him feel uncomfortable and unpleasant. Look for the main complaints that were exchanged with each other. They are the key to making things right. Looking better will not solve the problem. Strong relationships are built solely on mutual understanding. It’s not enough to win and conquer a man’s heart, you also need to keep him close.
Any beauty becomes familiar when you live with a person for many years. In the end, with age it begins to disappear, but mutual understanding in happy couples becomes stronger and stronger. This is why people live together for so many years. But his absence causes disappointment and breakup. Therefore, your task is not just to interest your loved one, but to let him know that you have changed for the better or have again become the one with whom he once fell in love.
If you doubt your abilities, are tormented by fears that you won’t be able to cope, and you think that men leave when they have decided everything for themselves, think about this. It is much easier for you to revive feelings in him than for anyone else. You have known each other for a long time, you are united by a lot of memories, most of them good, otherwise, why would you want to return everything, and it is easier to rekindle your former passion when the embers of it remain. It's like a fire. It is much easier to fan recently extinguished coals than to start a fire in an empty place.
So don't waste your time. Apologize to him for all the bad things you did: you offended him, you were rude, you unwittingly questioned your manhood, you didn’t support him when you needed him. The main thing is that there is nothing to apologize for, but the process itself, the very desire to admit your mistakes. You may not consider them as such, but he considers them as such. Just don’t apologize, letting him know that you took a walk and that’s enough, it’s time to come back. Don't try to decide for him. Leave him the right to choose. Otherwise, he will perceive it as another encroachment on his freedom and an insincere attempt to get what you want from him.
For your apology to come from the bottom of your heart, you should really understand why he considers certain actions or words to be wrong. You can't fix what you don't think is wrong. And accordingly, everything will return to normal again, and he knows about it. Therefore, he is in no hurry to return, if he thinks about it at all.
If you can’t understand what’s wrong, then ask him about it directly. A frank conversation has never bothered anyone. And in the future, discuss all misunderstandings and disagreements on the same day they happened, so as not to accumulate negativity and not drag a trail of claims that will again cover your couple.
Is it possible to return my husband's love?
- Surprise him and make him see you as a woman, and not one who disappointed or offended him in some way. Let him understand again how beautiful and charming you are. Men love with their eyes, so don’t just watch yourself even more carefully, but do it all the time, both when you go out and when you’re at home. Our home wardrobe deserves no less attention, and sometimes more, than the clothes we wear outside or at work. After all, you should look luxurious for your man, first of all, and for yourself, and not just for others. Let him understand that you understand this and are always trying to be on top.
- Take time to get in shape. If it is too big, lose the extra ten kilograms. Good, go in for sports to keep her in good shape. Physical exercise will help you collect your thoughts and restore energy and, as a result, faith that everything will be fine. A representative of the fair sex, whose body breathes health and is filled with creative energy, will not leave anyone indifferent.
- And if there is an opportunity to demonstrate success with the opposite sex, even more so you should take advantage of it. All men are owners at heart, and when he sees that you are successful, he will definitely wonder if he was in a hurry to leave.
- Don’t limit your life to the “home-work-home” route, turning into a princess who is sad and only waits for a prince. May you develop new interests and activities. A woman who knows what she wants will be able to awaken dormant feelings for her much faster than one who fell into depression and completely abandoned everything that made her happy.
- Take advantage of the freedom you have been given. Do what you have long dreamed of. Learn a foreign language, sign up for martial arts, think about career growth, get a pet.
- Pay attention to intellectual development. The more you read and learn, the better your speech becomes and your intellectual level increases. And who knows whether these changes will force us to look at what is happening differently.
- It’s no secret that many expect nothing but celebration and fun from relationships. In fact, this is daily work and responsibility, both for yourself and for those around you. And if your man didn’t want to understand this, is it worth changing for his sake? Are things really that bad for you without him?
Unfortunately, no one is immune from disappointments and losses, but this does not mean at all that you need to sit back and watch as the memories of your love become weaker and weaker. It's hard to lose something that is so precious and important. Remember, there is always a chance to regain what was lost. It is not easy, and sometimes almost impossible, but when it is what you really need, you will find the strength and opportunity to return love, no matter how hard it is along the way.
It is difficult to describe in words the happiness experienced by a person who has known mutual love. But sometimes situations arise that confront us with a difficult, bitter question: “How to return love if it so happened that “he fell in love with someone else,” or in your relationship the feeling of love has practically disappeared...?” If you look at this problem objectively, it affects both men and women. And... alas... it happens quite often that you love him, but he loves another, he loves you, but you no longer love him. Let's consider the most important points that relate to two similar situations.
When wondering how to get your love back, you need to understand that there are no coincidences in the life of every person. And everything that happens has its causes, effects and consequences. Whatever happens to you - good or bad - is entirely determined by your attitude towards life, another person, the current situation and, of course, your past. If you are looking for a solution to the problem of how to return passionate love, and accuse your loved one of betrayal, look at yourself: what have you done.
Surely it is more difficult to understand yourself than to commit condemnation. After all, a person is selfish and proud, which means he practically cannot consider himself guilty or bad. But often we ourselves are not aware of our wrongdoings. They seem to be blocked in our minds and do not allow us to admit our mistakes. And here’s a paradox: how can you return tender love and its magical mood if you yourself have turned from a romantic lady into an envious bitch...
How to get your husband's love back
Let's consider a situation in which your husband has left for someone else or simply stopped paying his former attention to you, there is no passion in his eyes and no trepidation in his soul... To return the love of your beloved becomes goal number one. What to do?
- Primary task: analyze the current situation from different angles. Perhaps you were wrong and did not fulfill your responsibilities and relationships to your soul mate, or you simply stopped satisfying your betrothed with your character, principles, and passions. Perhaps the situation is not worth a damn, and a new candidate will help you return your love? After all, true love is not the affection of an egoist who is able to love you only for this or that. Love is when you accept a person as he is, with all his shortcomings and merits;
- If, after something meaningful, you are determined to return the love of your life, think that maybe you did not let your spouse feel loved, happy, or simply needed. It happens that a woman “pulls the blanket over herself” and assumes all the responsibilities around the house, manages finances, and has the last word. Any man will feel uncomfortable with such a wife;
- If you find it difficult to understand yourself on your own, find out the point of view of your close friends or relatives, consult a psychologist and try to analyze your situation without bias.
Is it possible to return love
If you have found the reason for your separation, boldly begin to solve the problem of returning love (however, do this only if your feelings are sincere). Love can and should be returned if the bright feelings are mutual. Otherwise, make new acquaintances and loved ones. After all, it is not at all impossible that your loved one has already plunged into a whirlwind of a new feeling. However, you can try. It is quite possible that this new hobby is just an attempt to distract yourself, a desire to hurt you, or simply a rash act.
How to get your ex's love back
- To return the feelings of your ex-boyfriend or spouse, continue unobtrusive and gentle communication with him, but do not go too far. Give up your egoism as much as possible and get rid of mental garbage and resentment. It is not possible to return love if there is negativity in the soul;
- In your relationship with your ex-boyfriend, try to track all the moments where you were not happy, and then weigh whether your happiness is worth such sacrifices. Maybe it’s worth somehow rehabilitating yourself in the eyes of your loved one and trying to improve the relationship, and your conscience will tell you how;
- At the first opportunity, try to alleviate the situation and understand conflicts at the micro level. Do this until all your complaints have been sorted out to the smallest detail. It may be easier to get your love back than you think!
- Start working on your beliefs about your loved one and your relationship with him. Work through all your beliefs about your mutual feelings. Perhaps in order to avoid a new breakup you should reconsider some points;
- How to return love by erasing boundaries and what is it? It is possible that in your relationship there are prejudices and clear boundaries of what is permitted. Take it easy. Don't miss the main priorities by getting lost in the little things.
There are cheat sheets for life exams. You need to know them and use them as often as possible, because nothing is ideal in the world, and we are not ideal either. And it is quite possible that our cheat sheets will help you in your life exam, which is the need to regain your feelings and find happiness.
I love my husband. But what does it mean? I used to think: what happened to me 18 years ago was love. I fell so deeply in love with Jeff that I overcame my negative view of marriage and became his wife. I thought that love was a constant, a stationary force that defined relationships. I perceived it the same way most people do, as something unique, lasting and unconditional.
Of course, this force is still present between us and permeates the moments of our lives. But working as a scientist opened up a new way of looking at love. From the body’s point of view, this is a short-term surge in three interrelated areas:
- sharing positive emotions with another person;
- synchronization of biochemistry and behavior;
- the desire to invest strength in each other's well-being.
I call the combination of these elements positive resonance. Usually he supports himself, but at some point short-term ties begin to weaken. This is inevitable, this is the mechanism of action of emotions. It’s not easy to admit, but from a physical point of view, right now, at the time of writing this sentence, I don’t love my husband. Positive resonance lasts as long as we are emotionally or physically connected to each other. Attachment remains, love does not.
Train and learn to awaken feelings at any time. You will ensure health and quality relationships for yourself and your loved ones. Five ways to help with this.
When distance separates you, you try to keep in touch. Call, write emails, send messages. The human body is not adapted to abstract love at a distance. He needs more. It craves moments of togetherness. It occurs when people synchronize and behave as one organism, moving in the same rhythm. When you come into resonance with a person, you find yourself on the same biological wavelength, such a connection is one of the basic conditions for love. Therefore, it is not unconditional. Communication is established at the physical level and develops in real time. Resonance does not tolerate abstractions or intermediaries.
The main mode of sensory communication is eye contact. Touch, voice, repetition of body language and gestures are also forms of communication that promote togetherness. Although sensual contacts in themselves do not turn into love, under certain conditions they become a springboard for it. Such conditions imply a feeling of security and a positive emotional state. Couples can cultivate these qualities and use them.
2. Do stupid things
In one study, I observed how two strangers behaved during their first meeting. It turned out that nonverbal cues predicted overall assessments of unity and connection in a couple. Therefore, it is better not to go to a movie or a restaurant, but to dance or go canoeing.
Positive resonance brings together not only unfamiliar people, it helps strengthen long-term relationships, making them even stronger and happier. Art and Elaine learned this firsthand when they took part in an experiment to study the factors that influence relationships. They had their wrists and ankles tied and were asked to walk on all fours to the end of the laboratory and back, overcoming obstacles along the way. At the same time, without using your hands or teeth, hold the cylindrical pillow and do not drop it on the floor. The task had to be completed in less than a minute. As a reward, participants were promised a bag of candy.
Art and Eileen quickly realized that the only way to hold the pillow was to squeeze it between their bodies. The experiment became even more complicated. They fell several times and laughed uncontrollably. On the third try, they learned to move in sync, met the deadline, and won a prize.
But not all couples had so much fun during the experiment. The organizers prepared boring, leisurely tasks for the other subjects. The participants' hands and feet were not tied. They took turns slowly crawling along the mat and pushing the ball in front of them. Scientists confirmed the hypothesis: couples who performed fun tasks awakened deeper feelings. They reported improved relationship quality and showed more understanding and less hostile behavior in subsequent discussions.
Such activities strengthen feelings of love and unity, even if partners have been together for a long time. That's why couples who constantly try new, exciting, and silly things have happier marriages.
3. Create a shared story
Closeness is a pleasant and safe feeling. It occurs when you know that a person truly understands and appreciates you. A mutual sense of trust allows partners to be more open with each other. Under such conditions, love blossoms in unexpected moments.
Ten years ago, my husband and I were driving in my hometown. I was driving and trying to find my way to a store that I had only been to a couple of times before. I made a mistake and took a wrong turn, and we reached a dead end. I stopped the car and stared at the front of the store. I only froze for a few seconds, but my husband thought it was funny. “Stuck on a gravel road?” - he teased me. And we laughed together at my reaction. Jeff used this phrase many times to tease me for being slow in unexpected situations. He knows me very well and understands that surprises take me by surprise.
He doesn't consider it a flaw and doesn't criticize or get angry about it. My quirk became a family joke. This love not only quickly brings me back to life, but also strengthens our bonds. People you love give you a shared past, security, trust, openness, and many opportunities for intimacy. The more open you are to each other, the more common ground you will find. You will have more reasons for laughter, common interests, peace and enjoyment.
4. Appreciate the good
In collaboration with Sarah Algo, we explored how kindness and understanding circulate within a couple and create moments of positive resonance. And they found out that some people are better at giving thanks than others. A feeling of gratitude arises when you recognize that a person worked hard to make you feel good. Many people express gratitude for the thing or service they received. But it is best to use a good deed only as an occasion for gratitude, to highlight the good qualities of the person who did it.
Show your partner that you see and appreciate his personal qualities in good actions. This method of gratitude is more effective: the partner feels that he is understood, appreciated and cared for. This increases self-esteem and helps you feel better in relationships. Saying thank you is not a tribute to etiquette. Gratitude helps show love and strengthen relationships.
5. Accumulate positive emotions
Emotion management expert in marriage John Gottman advises couples to cultivate shared positive emotions. They will help you cope in difficult times. He found out that couples in whose relationships positive emotions prevail over negative ones cope better with contradictions and grievances. When discussing difficult issues, they do not respond with negativity to negativity. Instead, they show concern, recognition, or hope. This creates space for constructive resolution of the conflict. Couples with a rich history of positive resonance are better equipped to defuse the emotional bombs that reside within each partner.
You can accumulate positive resonance and use it later. Small investments in your “contribution” are not wasted. They accumulate and pay dividends in the form of long-term resources that can be used in a difficult situation.
about the author
The question of how to return the love of a husband is asked by many women when any doubts about the strength of their family relationships creep into their heads.
Only when any unusual changes begin in the relationship between the spouses does the woman begin to worry and think that she, too, must certainly be returned. Psychologists give fairly universal advice on this matter.
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You can return it, yes. But it's difficult.
Psychologists believe that our habits depend on our internal state. For a woman, sometimes the most important thing is her husband, home, family, work, kitchen - everything except herself. Roughly speaking, she stops loving herself. If there is no love for you, then there will be nowhere to get love from the outside. Without self-love, you cannot return your husband's love. Attention! Love and egocentrism are different things, don’t confuse them.
Psychologists also highlight the other extreme. When the wife is perfect. Your legs are always perfectly shaved, your hair is always perfectly neat, your dress is always perfectly ironed. And for whom? Psychologists believe that about 8/10 women try this hard for the sake of men and their attention. Not for yourself, but for someone else. Again: is it possible to return a man’s love when you don’t even love yourself? It seems like different things, but the outcome is the same.
Much more difficult is the question of how to return your husband's love. It would seem that the situation has changed radically - here he has already left for another woman and now it seems like his love belongs to her, that’s it, it can’t be returned. But no! Psychologists believe that this is simply the next stage of an existing problem, that it is just a matter of time.
The key to regaining your husband's respect and love is you. According to the opinions of many psychologists, the main thing is to regain interest in yourself, and then your husband’s love will return.
How to get your husband's attention and love back?
Do you love your husband yourself? This is not about care and guardianship, but about love.
Purposefully thinking about how to return the attention and love of your husband, if you yourself do not have such feelings, is illogical. And no, you can’t say “let him take the steps first, he’s a man.” Psychologists say that you are responsible only for yourself, therefore, if you really want to return your husband’s love, you should consider him as a person, a personality, and love this personality. And you can’t return something that didn’t exist, especially love.
So, how to return a husband's love for his wife? Psychologists believe that in order to return love, sometimes it is enough to analyze the following aspects:
- self-perception;
- self-development;
- your behavior towards your husband.
Psychologists also note that this list is hierarchical - from the first comes the second, from the second comes the third.
Self-perception
Think about what you are for you. How do you perceive yourself? Why you.
Psychologists use these three key questions to determine a woman’s self-esteem and self-love. Therefore, psychologists advise using a very simple test. Take a piece of paper and write 5-10 points for each such question.
What/who are you?
Pay attention to the exact words you used to describe yourself - they will indicate your priorities.
If you first of all wrote that you are a woman, then your gender is fundamental to you. It is quite possible that you justify many of your own and other people’s actions with this. Such people tend to share housework, occupation, mentality, etc. into feminine and masculine.
Think about it: do you have any gender prejudices? Was it ever that someone imposed their concept of a woman on you, putting it in the foreground, and you didn’t have the willpower/desire to stick to your line?
If you have identified yourself as a person with a specific occupation (“artist”, “teacher”, “ballerina”, “scientist”), your emphasis is more on realizing your potential. Think about whether you are sacrificing something very important for the sake of the business that you have chosen as your main one?
Moving forward in your business is great, but psychologists believe that everything should be in moderation. You can't return love if you don't have time for it.
Doesn’t it happen when you brush aside your needs and those close to you in order to complete some project or task?
Psychologists believe that if a woman chooses an elaborate answer to this question (“goddess”, “work of art”, “perfection”, “True Woman”, etc.), there are clear demonstrative or hysterical elements in her behavior. Such ladies are prone to theatrical reactions to many events, as well as manipulation. As psychologists note, returning love with such “window dressing” is quite problematic.
What are you?
These descriptions, according to psychologists, also speak very eloquently about your self-esteem.
If you described mostly external characteristics (“tall”, “beautiful”, “blond”, “large”), psychologists may come to the conclusion that:
- you are a visual person - you receive most of the information using a visual analyzer;
- the attractiveness of your partner is really important to you;
- When winning someone over, you place more bets on your appearance.
Women who described some of their functional characteristics (“hardworking,” “efficient,” “hardy”) are characterized by psychologists as pragmatic. They:
- prefer practice to theory;
- they perceive dreamy people as a lower and infantile class;
- they don’t like typical gifts with a taste of candy romance - banal, stupid and boring.
According to psychologists, ladies who most described their own emotional component (“cheerful”, “irritable”, “harmonious”) are characterized by:
- good intuition and empathy;
- the predominance of sensory perception over intellectual;
- focusing on your perception of situations;
- kinesthetic type of representative system - they receive information using tactile sensations.
If you described personal, including strong-willed, character traits (“purposeful,” “decisive,” “assiduous”), then, according to psychologists, you tend to:
- independence and self-sufficiency;
- selfishness;
- work for results.
Why are you?
The answer to this question, according to practicing psychologists, helps determine goals and priorities. You wrote what you need to realize. Someone wants to become a professional in a certain field, someone wants to raise brilliant children, for some it is more important to create a world-class masterpiece or make a shocking discovery. Some people just want love.
A very important detail: if you have a clear preference towards living for the sake of someone/something, pull yourself together!
Psychologists never tire of repeating that renunciation of one’s own “I”, of one’s nature, indicates a lack of love for oneself as a person. This leads to negative changes in many relationships, including in love.
Self-development
Remember the last time you tried to master something. And not just master it, but master it for yourself. Not for beauty, not for status or a partner, but in order to grow in your own eyes and learn something.
Psychologists believe that if you don’t remember or if you stopped your personal growth because of some nonsense, problems will begin to creep up on every front. If you don’t develop on your own, love cannot be returned.
Behavior
According to psychologists, the most common pathological behavior in a family is the infantilism of one + the guardianship of the other. “Son-mother” or “father-daughter” pairs are formed. Psychologists view this as a codependent relationship that is initially doomed to failure.
Son-mother couples are characterized by the childish irresponsible behavior of the husband-son, which is accompanied by the all-forgiving care of the wife-mother. It is typical for such husbands:
- demanding attention and company;
- inability to make decisions independently;
- an indication that someone owes something to someone;
- manipulation to get what you want.
- the eternal craving to do something for her husband;
- obsession;
- tendency to take offense;
- appeal to conscience.
Father-daughter pairs are characterized by an opposite distribution of roles. The husband-father takes on the dominant role over his wife, and the wife-daughter remains a cute princess with a Barbie doll. Such husbands have the following characteristics:
- the desire to educate and reprimand the wife;
- control over the wife’s activities;
- emphasizing his wife's dependence on him.
The wives of this couple are characterized by the following:
- tendency to be capricious;
- irresponsibility;
- a demand for abstract care and understanding.
How to rekindle the old passion in a relationship?
That is, there was passion, but due to some reasons it began to wane. The beauty of this is that you already have the experience that can tell you how to return your husband’s former love.
Before you wonder how to rekindle passion and win back your husband's love, remember when you sincerely wanted sex.
And if you think for yourself and develop for yourself, as well as have sex purely for your own pleasure, you will no longer worry about how to regain your former passion. And a man’s love will flare up even more if he feels that you are enjoying the process itself, and not your own false dedication “for the benefit of others.” This “for good” destroys families; it is often impossible to return love.
A separate group includes wives who have sex with their husbands solely for his pleasure. The couple has sex, not the husband! The husband will get his in 97% of the outcome! Think about yourself!
So, how can you bring passion back into your relationship with your husband? Practicing psychologists believe that you should:
- rethink your attitude towards your husband as a person - appearance is appearance, and excitement, like love, originates in the brain (where it needs to be returned), and not in the genitals;
- and your attractiveness - if you walk around the house stooped, with dirty hair and in a shabby robe, then it is not surprising that it is somewhat difficult to return your husband’s enthusiasm for you;
- overcome shyness and social inhibitions by discussing the issue of sex with your husband - who else should you discuss this with if not with him?
- fall in love with experiments and using them in your daily life - variety will be a manifestation of your interest in this area, so it will be easier to return passion and love;
- pay attention to your own feelings during lovemaking and don’t focus on returning passion and pleasing your husband - sex for two.
More pragmatic advice from psychologists and psychotherapists regarding how to return the passion and love of your husband is as follows:
- Learn to undress beautifully and gracefully - this is very exciting for about 40% of men.
- About 60% of men love elegant lace lingerie on their wives - buy several sets for different occasions to bring back the spice to your intimacy.
- Don’t be afraid to give a signal that you feel good: if you want to moan, moan, if you want to breathe, breathe. Don't hold back. It is important for a man to clearly record your positive reaction to his activity.
- Remember that 65% of men prefer to alternate between traditional sex and oral sex.
- There are very few men who are psychics. In order for him to understand your desires, it would be best to direct your husband’s hand to the right place. In some cases, you can just say it, but most men prefer the first option.
- Be dynamic - the puritanical days are long gone, and you no longer have to remain in a stable position lying on your back in a long nightgown.
- Train yourself to arch your back. It is beautiful.
How to stir up interest in yourself after the birth of a child?
It should be remembered that for 1 month after the birth of the baby, not only psychologists, but also gynecologists recommend refraining from making love. Psychologists point out that this time is the phase of adaptation of the husband and wife to the arrival of the baby, therefore the sensual part of their life together fades into the background.
During the period of breastfeeding, psychologists note the following nuance: if previously the breast was an object of decoration and pleasure for a man, now it does not belong to him, and the former priorities can no longer be returned. And on an instinctive level, the husband understands this.
The period of the first year after the birth of a child, according to psychologists, is a test of empathy and the strength of the family. Then, normally, sexual relations with your husband should be balanced and move to another level, and there is no need to artificially return them. Of course, love doesn't go away.
It happens that a husband’s attitude towards his wife changes noticeably after the birth of a child.
This is often observed in:
- couples who have lived together for a long time without a child (more than 3 years);
- couples who got married because of pregnancy;
- families where a child is born with health problems.
The new responsibility is obliging and frightening at the same time, which is why many wives after childbirth are faced with the question of how to return passion to their relationship with their husband after the birth of a child.
Actually, how to return passion to the relationship between husband and wife if another small family member has appeared? Psychologists advise the following:
- Get to grips with your self-esteem. She must be returned! Yes, you now have a child, but you have not stopped being a person, you have not stopped being a woman who has a beloved husband. Remember this.
- Clarify with your husband all these subtle nuances of your relationship - without this, there is no way to return love.
- If suddenly you both have a fear that another cute screaming creature will appear at home, and then another and another, the solution is very banal and simple: use contraceptives.
- Learn to relax. Sometimes there is not enough physical strength to make love, so there is no desire to return the passion.
How to return love to your husband?
And yet, how to return the love of a husband to his wife? A psychologist's advice, as a rule, is based on a specific situation and is developed specifically, taking into account many factors. But any experienced psychologist will tell you that analyzing the above-mentioned personality aspects can help bring back feelings. What should be done, according to psychologists, based on the findings obtained, in order to return the love of your spouse?
If new topics for reflection were found when analyzing yourself, you should take this seriously:
- Don’t tie any traits or antics to generally accepted labels, because a man leaves for another not because he is a man, but because he too lacks something.
- Find a balance between all the areas in which you are involved (family, love, work, education, creativity), and make sure that there is no strong preponderance in one direction.
- Watch your reaction to your usual conversations with your husband: if something causes melancholy, irritation or some other type of negative emotion, you should think about the reason for what hurts you.
- Learn to respect other people's opinions: you and your husband may have different positions on the same issues, this is normal.
- Set your priorities in such a way that you can pay attention to yourself and interact with your husband - so that you have time for what you really want to get back.
- If you are confused, do not be afraid to consult a psychologist or psychotherapist.
Start practicing for yourself, not for others:
- Find an activity that you like, not fashion/girlfriends/husband, etc.;
- Stop using lack of time and money as excuses.
When analyzing your own behavior with your husband, in order to return his love, you should:
- Break out of the vicious circle of “boss-subordinate” (“son-mother”, “father-daughter”) and behave like a person who respects other people’s boundaries and interests (if this is really hard for you, an experienced practicing psychologist will help you “get yourself back”) .
- To get rid of addiction in a relationship with your husband - you are different people who have made a strong-willed decision to develop together.
- Learn to be independent.
- Let your husband go if he needs it - to work, to some events, from home. He is also a person, like you, who has the right to dispose of himself.
There is no universal way to do this. Advice from psychologists flashed like red threads at every point. It is noteworthy that an adequate psychologist will not recommend manipulating a man or forcing him to do anything. Psychologists believe that before thinking about how to return love to her husband, a wife should engage in her own self-esteem and self-development.
In addition to the step-by-step analysis methods described above, psychologists recommend using tests based on archetypes and intuitive perception - drawings. Psychologists pay attention to different elements of the picture, each of which denotes one or another area of your perception.
A popular test that determines a person’s emotional state is the “Nonexistent Animal” test. It is necessary to use colored pencils so that the test can be interpreted as accurately as possible. To correctly understand the results of this test, you need the help of an experienced psychologist or psychotherapist who will assess the client’s general emotional background, his inclinations, and can also diagnose some changes and accents in sexual behavior.
A similar test is “Lamb in a Bottle,” which helps the psychologist determine the client’s attitude to the external environment, to society, and to love.
In some situations, a psychologist may not give a general answer, but one that suits your situation. But then the psychologist needs to delve into your relationship, which is not done online.
Useful video
Psychologists advise first deciding what you want to return. If you are sure that your relationship is fading away, and you really want to return and maintain love, then the game is worth the candle. So, how to return your husband’s former passion and love:
Conclusion
- Psychologists believe that you can return your husband’s love by analyzing your behavior, as well as by changing your attitude towards yourself. You can analyze it yourself, or with the help of some tests, which a psychologist will help you interpret.
- Most psychologists advise having a frank conversation with your husband, which would dot all the i’s.
- It is necessary to engage in self-development - this is partly the answer to the question of how to return love. And your husband’s interest will thus be directed towards you, as well as his attraction.
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