Do I need married woman... lover?

On the Internet (chat rooms, blogs, social networks for women and men, etc.) I spend most of my time. The reason for such “long meetings” is my profession ... Sometimes (for my social conclusions and independent research) I ask just one question to my opponent and get the most interesting and unforgettable answer to it! The best ones for you in this quick survey!

A short question is a short answer from netizens on the topic: "Does a married woman need a lover?"

"It happens so, queen, that a husband can get bored?"

M. Bulgakov. "Master and Margarita"

What role do lovers play in the lives of married women? Is his presence generally required for the continued and prosperous course of the life of the next married couple? With a question on this topic, I turned to the visitors (and then, for a "makeweight" and to the visitors) of the World Wide Web, choosing respondents at random, interested only in their age, gender and marital status, and here are some amusing answers to my only question.

Ruslan54 (over 50, married)

I used to think when I was young that no, I was not needed. Now I understand - in eternal jealousy and "watching" each other, my wife and I have been doing this all our lives. Probably, it was necessary to somehow diversify our sex life outside the home and let each other do it in due time ... Now we watch serials in the evenings. We live someone else's life. We don't need sex or lovers. Death is in bed! We sleep for a long time in different beds.

Alisa (28 years old, married)

Of course ... How without a lover in family life !? We lived with mine for three years in swearing and quarrels, until I thought of getting myself on the side. The first time, I remember, there was an affair with a colleague at work ... He had been striving for a long time. I just made up my mind overnight and ... If it weren't for my lovers, we wouldn't have a family for a long time! And so we are raising two children. At home - comfort and bliss ... I let out all the steam "on the side" ... But I love my husband of course!

Ruslan Ibragimov, a family psychologist:

“… It will seem strange to you, but sometimes I advise the patient at the reception not to give up the connection on the side… Naturally, this is very individual. Another case shows that if she is not given the opportunity to satisfy her curiosity, then her marriage may later come to an end. But these are particulars. In general, betrayal is a very dangerous signal that the health of the family has been shaken ... The tenderness, compliance and excellent cheerful mood of a changing woman, unexpected for herself and all households, is just a temporary shock, the calm before the storm ... "

Monro5 (32 years old, divorced)

So I got divorced due to the fact that my then lover and I were "caught". My husband's mistress tapped him on me, and he flew home with furious eyes at lunchtime. And there we are ... What's the funniest thing - this mistress herself later married, but not to my ex, but to another. And she destroyed our family ...

Rembo (28 years old, divorced)

A woman - absolutely not! They are getting crazy. They can't, like us, just sleep and that's it. For a change, in order to once again emphasize to yourself that you are still very wow, you can conquer ... They fall head over heels in love with their partners! Moreover, if there is a risk that you will be "split" at home. This is so intriguing, catchy ... And then they are ready to destroy everything in the world, ruin it and run with bulging eyes to meet their lover. They serve for divorce. And the lover, poor, and not happy. And in my thoughts was not. He already regrets himself ...

The opinion of Irina Abramova, clinical psychologist:

“... Lovers with a chronic form of depression come to see us as often as deceived wives. At the same time, I think that their fate is not enviable. The mistress has no rights, but there is always an abundance of guilt, pity and low self-esteem. Since in spite of everything, family values \u200b\u200bare often a priority for Russian women ... "

Vasilisa84 (26 years old, married)

Now I would say to all married women - stop, stop! Resist the temptation! This is when men go "to the left" - their "leftist strengthens the marriage." I personally tried it on myself. Little did not seem. At night, she howled into her pillow, she was madly jealous of her lover for his wife. She suffered herself, tortured her husband, tortured the child. He, it seems to me, knew everything, but endured. And what happened? Only hurt her loved ones and myself. It was joy for a couple of nights. Then only pain, jealousy, thoughtless actions ... I still got off well. And if my husband had not forgiven? Scary to think!

Stella7 (22 years old, civil marriage)

Why not? Only neatly, carefully. If you manage to remove the mask of pleasure from your face, when you come home from someone else's bed and put on the mask of a caring wife, then go ahead! Life is short. While we will figure out whether it is possible or not, we will become old women. It will be too late there to think about whether I need a lover or not?

Irina Abramova, clinical psychologist:

“… The nature of betrayals in men and women is exactly the opposite. A man cheats with another, a woman - with the Best. A man just needs variety and impression, and female infidelity is a signal that her husband, in her eyes, has ceased to be a Winner with a Capital Letter. Women change less often, but they leave the family more often, and it is usually more difficult to return them ... "

Jasminka (18 years old, single)

I am sure - I will never cheat on my husband! And I don't understand cheating women. Why did you get married then? They would have walked while they were unmarried. We tried everything that you want to try. But no. First, they almost bite their teeth into a man in order to drag him to the registry office. And then they will rest, look around and start looking for their adventures in one place.

By the way…

According to Russian statistics, 90% of men and 45% of women have cheated or continue to cheat on their legal half at least once. Moreover, if no one ever finds out about their betrayal, 96% of men and 63% of women are ready to change. Such data are given by the Center for the Study of Public Opinion Yuri Levada.

Stalaktit (34 years old, single)

Do you remember? “Our main task with her is not to be caught. Turnouts, passwords, telephones and summer cottages. And you have to be home at ten ... ”My story! The only difference is that I am not married, and she is married. I am a lover. We have been toiling for three years already. And she never dares to leave. The kid grows up there. And I'm already running out of breath ...

Out of a hundred answers of my virtual interlocutors to the question "Does a married woman need a lover?" I have summed up the following results in percentage terms.

* Married men (as if they had conspired! Hmm ...), with the exception of a few, confidently answered this question "no" (as an option there were such - "why else?", "Will manage!") - 100%

* Single men questioned the question and “hung out” with answers for a long time. Opinions were divided into "yes, absolutely!" (60% of all single men) and “I don’t think, rather not” (25%). The rest either abstained or had other answers (15%).

* Women, regardless of their marital status, were very frank and confident in the answers: the answer is "yes, absolutely!" - 50% (to my surprise ...), "no, no way!" - 20%, "one time it would be possible ..." - 20%, "needed, but where can you find it?" - ten%.

Interesting arithmetic, right?

(From the author: some nicknames, logins or names have been slightly changed, at the request of their owners)

Rufina Ugryumova-Drath specially for the site:

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In this article we will consider how much married lover of a married man, can count on a happy outcome of the relationship on the side, and about why men prefer to have a married woman in their mistresses.

As long as marriage has existed in the world, adultery has existed for so long. It would seem that there is no point in discussing it, everything has been clear for a long time, but no. New questions constantly arise, to which there are no definite answers.

Often, the relationship between a man and his mistress is triggered by certain factors. Some begin to cheat on their wives out of banal boredom, while others, thus, increase their own self-esteem. There is a third type of people, which is extremely rare, those who once again have long-forgotten feelings of falling in love with their new mistress, it happens, they even divorce their wives for her sake. And yet, it is a married woman who will become the ideal lover for a man.

Since both people have constant partners, it turns out that both change. Hence, it is twice as risky, and twice as much thrill for lovers.

What does a man expect from a mistress?

First of all, the ability to change the usual course of life, therefore, the diametrical opposite of your own wife. Many men themselves admit that it is more comfortable for them to have a married mistress for several reasons:

• relations with a married woman are easier from the financial point of view, since numerous expensive gifts to the lady will put the secret of the relationship on the side at risk, because you will have to explain where the expensive gifts come from;
• a married lover will not try to destroy the family, as a lover can do without a stamp in her passport;
• A married mistress does not have time for frequent meetings, she will not constantly pester her with her calls, and each meeting with her will have an extremely pleasant result, without lengthy preludes;
• married women are calmer and more balanced than those who do not have a husband. They are also less selfish and more independent. They do not try to shift all responsibility onto the shoulders of the suitor;
• most men value extreme situations and diversity, and a lover who has someone else will always remain a mystery to a man, who should be approached with caution;
• parting with such a mistress is always much easier. There will be no tantrums, scandals and other "delights" of parting, because, in general, she will eventually be able to find a replacement for her boyfriend.

Another question is what a woman can get from such a relationship? The reasons why women cheat on their husbands are much more varied than those of men. It can be like an unsuccessful marriage, lack of attention to a woman on the part of her husband, betrayal in revenge if the wife suddenly found out about her husband's betrayal, or disrespect for her husband. There can be a huge variety of reasons, and it makes no sense to single out the main ones among them. They, in part, can be present all a little. The main thing is different. Women tend to focus on their hobby, in this case, on their lover, which can cause serious problems in her legitimate family. She herself will give herself away with her strange, sometimes completely illogical behavior and absent-mindedness.

In fact, the married lover of a married man is a completely logical and comfortable relationship for both parties. However, she will not be able to exist for a long time, since the man will receive positive emotions, energetic recharge, and the woman, in turn, will give part of herself and her vitality to another man, and, ultimately, destroy her own family. Is it worth risking your own family for the sake of new emotions, getting rid of boredom and a dose of adrenaline, everyone chooses for himself. But the fact that such a connection is convenient and practical is obvious, and, therefore, it is unlikely to ever disappear.

Love quadrangle: reasons and prospects for its development. The article will give recommendations for eliminating this phenomenon if it began to destroy personal relationships among the participants in such a life cataclysm.

The main reasons for the connection between not free people

Such a relationship implies betrayal of not one of the partners, but two at once. Consequently, the delicacy of the situation becomes much more tangible than with the classic love triangle.

A voiced intimate geometric figure can form for a variety of reasons, but psychologists distinguish among them five main provocateurs:

• Family routine... This is especially true for couples who have a solid period of cohabitation. None of the partners thinks about divorce, so they are looking for a lover on the side with a minimum package of requirements. In this case, people who already have their soul mate are ideal for each other.
• The emerging mutual sympathy... No one is immune from the fact that he might like a ringed member of the opposite sex. Very often, office romances begin precisely between unfree people who like each other. The development of such a connection depends on many factors, and it can be very problematic to predict them.
• Search soul mate ... Especially at a young age, a couple marries solely because of the external attractiveness of the partner. With age, an understanding of the error comes and there is a desire to communicate with a person who has similar interests with a person who is disillusioned with family life.
• Common social circle... Nothing brings people together like a company of like-minded individuals. It is in such groups that affairs often begin between members of the opposite sex who are in a civil or legal marriage. Most often, such a romance begins if in such a company there are no common acquaintances with a legitimate soul mate.
• Double revenge... In some cases, deceived people can get close to take revenge on insidious cheaters. This happens more due to despair than from a sudden outbreak of passion. Revenge is a dish that is served cold, so there will be little sense from such actions.
• Marriage of convenience... If you do not go into all the subtleties of such an act, then we can say with confidence that the voiced relationship resembles a colossus with feet of clay. A person is designed in such a way that, in the absence of real feelings for his lawful spouse, he begins to look for consolation on the side. If both illegitimate partners legalized relations in the past solely for selfish motives, then their relationship becomes a natural phenomenon.
• Guest marriage... The notorious love quadrangle can also arise for the sounded reason. This factor is common for some people, and some people consider it a serious test for their registered relationship. Being far from each other, spouses are able to start short-term relationships with also not free partners in order to avoid unnecessary problems in the future.
• Sexual problems... In some cases, bending souls, and sometimes from a pure heart, lovers who are married complain about this aspect in their personal lives. A man turns out to have either a frigid wife or a wife who suffers from all possible ailments. The lady looking for adventures has a spouse who is untenable in terms of intimacy in conversations. No one is in a hurry to understand the veracity of the information, because both partners are not free and do not always dream of changing anything in the current situation.

Note! There are a large number of reasons for the emergence of a love quadrilateral, from which no couple is immune. However, in a family where trust and respect for each other reigns, such a situation is extremely rare.

Varieties of married couples created

In this case, a clear distinction should be made between the formed ties on the side, when both cheaters are not free. The romance of a married and married woman can often be characterized by the following scheme:

1. Easy communication by consent... No one in this pair owes anyone anything, which is negotiated by both parties initially. There is usually little romance in such a relationship, but such a joint pastime does not bother anyone. The main thing in this case for people with a voiced model of behavior is conspiracy, which gives additional acuity to secret meetings.
2. Family people on vacation... To some extent, the process of flirting such holidaymakers is similar to an easy, consensual relationship. The difference in these two factors lies in the fact that during the separate leisure time from their families, non-free people clearly understand the term of their pleasant time together on vacation.
3. Couple with nostalgia for the past... Very often, the first love ends with the rupture of the formed connection, because young people are not ready to grind to each other. Over time, they acquire families, but when they meet with the former object of passion, a spark again runs between them. The result is the beginning of secret meetings, which can develop according to different scenarios.
4. ... A similar phenomenon occurs either when seeking the thrill of an adventure-hungry subject, or under the influence of strong drinks. At the same time, unfree people enter into an intimate relationship, which nevertheless sometimes has its own unexpected continuation. This factor is especially true for impressionable persons who enjoy the sexual experience of a casual partner.
5. Office romance between non-free colleagues... We spend a lot of time in the workplace, where sometimes there are many temptations for people in marriage. An outwardly attractive colleague and charming co-worker may well become lovers without destroying their families.
6. Couple with platonic love... Love between married and married does not always imply an intimate relationship. In some cases, this connection was in the past, but in the present the main participants in the quadrangle remain physically loyal to their legitimate halves.

Prospects for the development of relations between married and married

A love conflict of this kind can end both peacefully and problems for all participants in the events. In most cases, the intimate quadrilateral has the following ending, which is often expected by almost all affected parties:

• Destruction of all families... If one of the lovers decides to change his life and start a new relationship with a secret partner, then this automatically affects his soul mate. In very rare cases, everyone is happy with such a verdict, because there will always be a person who has been mentally traumatized.
• ... Leaving a family by slamming the door loudly is not difficult. In this case, I recall the love quadrangle "Anastasia Zavorotnyuk - Dmitry Stryukov - Sergey Zhigunov - Vera Novikova". Many people during that period of time closely followed the development of the relationship of a new couple who left their spouses. Result - The Beautiful Nanny leaves her Shatalin, and he, disillusioned with his partner, returns to his ex-wife.
• Happy resolution of the situation... In fairness, it is worth noting the fact that there are rare exceptions when lovers create a new couple without hurting their former spouses. This happens when there are parallel extramarital relationships in the second lawful halves, which they are quite satisfied with. Consequently, the break occurs in a civilized manner and with the consent of all participants in life's upheavals.
• Risk of beatings... No matter how barbaric it sounds, but such a prospect may well become the outcome of events when exposing adventures on the side of secret partners. The lover, when revealing the deception, becomes a victim of a jealous husband, and the new lady of the heart should beware of revenge from the deceived and angry wife. In addition, both adventurers and thrill-seekers can suffer from their legitimate soulmates who find out about infidelity.
• Condemnation of parents by children... The child is always very sensitive to the negative changes that are taking place in his family. If one of the parents wants to unwind with the other partner, the psyche of an immature personality can be severely affected. As a result, children begin to either demonstratively show their dissatisfaction with the current situation, or withdraw into themselves for a long time.

Important! It is easy to destroy the old, but building the new on its ruins becomes in most cases a difficult process. You should carefully understand all the possible consequences of your behavior, so as not to be left with a broken trough and without prospects for family happiness in the future.

Love quadrilateral: options for exiting the maze

The desire to dot the "Y" and break an unnecessary connection can arise both in one of the partners and in both participants in the melodrama that has arisen. In the second case, everything will happen quickly and painlessly for all the actors of the soap opera. The situation is worse if one of the secret partners wants to get freedom from unnecessary relationships, and the second is categorically against such a decision.

Independent actions to break the existing connection

In some cases, a person himself is able to get out of the vicious circle that he himself created. If one of the main participants in the love quadrangle is determined to end the extramarital affair, then he should take the following measures:

1. Termination of interpersonal contact... It is always easier to say than to carry out the intended action. However, sometimes it is better to completely break off relations with a partner than to indulge him with groundless illusions for a long time. You should be extremely careful when the lover is a nervous and hysterical person. Such subjects are ready, out of revenge, even if they have their own family, to significantly harm the relatives of the initiator of the separation.
2. ... Nothing influences the human psyche like a reasonable and factual word. The relationship between a married woman and married man originally meant the formation of a love quadrangle. Consequently, secret partners are responsible not only for the emotions they feel for each other, but also for their family members. In an essentially difficult conversation, it is necessary to emphasize precisely this factor, which in many cases works.
3. Disclaimer of hyperresponsibility... You cannot be good exclusively for everyone, so the initiator of the destruction of the intimate quadrangle should be consistent in his decision. Indeed, at the inception of such an intricate relationship, he did not think about what could hurt his legitimate soul mate. Therefore, in the goal set, it is necessary to go to the end, if extramarital affairs have become burdensome.

Psychological tips for getting out of the love quadrilateral

The experts did not disregard the voiced problem, because quite a large number of people face it. To help the poor fellows who seek to break off relations on the side, they have developed a number of recommendations of the following plan:

• Definition with choice... In this case, tossing about with thoughts “it is necessary - it will decide itself - maybe wait” is the worst of evils in the situation that has arisen. Psychologists advise to clearly set all the priorities in order to cut the Gordian knot as quickly as possible.
• Method "scenario of further relations"... During a confidential conversation, you can offer an already unwanted lover to voice the ending of an existing relationship outside of legal marriage aloud. Some people who are against the termination of an easy connection on the side are at a loss for such an offer. They automatically turn on a mechanism for assessing prospects, which do not always look rosy.
• ... This action sounds a little fantastic, but very often it works in relation to a person who is trying hard to maintain unnecessary relationships outside of marriage. Psychologists advise in this case to offer the stubborn a frank conversation with the whole friendly four, who inevitably became connected by intimate relationships. An adequate person will refuse such an extreme experiment and may think about the advisability of further communication with the generator of such crazy ideas.

Watch a video about the relationship of not free people:

The psychology of relationships between a married man and a married woman is a delicate bond that requires a serious attitude towards itself. A person always has the right to decide his own destiny, but one cannot use other people for selfish purposes. In order not to become in the future a toy in the hands of others, it is necessary to avoid the possibility of becoming a manipulator in relation to a sexually attractive object in marriage.

According to psychologists, adultery of married women is never unreasonable. If a lady is looking for a lover, then something does not suit her in her own marriage. The tense situation in the family, the rudeness of the husband, lack of attention - all these are provoking factors that can push you to cheat.

Dating married women most often support with colleagues or friends. Among these people, a woman is looking for a lover, or, most likely, everything happens by chance.

If the lover is bound by the knot of legal marriage, the meetings take place according to a strictly thought out scenario. There is no spontaneity in a relationship. Both lovers, as a rule, do not want publicity and carefully hide their betrayal.

A love relationship brings zest to the measured life of two unfree people. But can they have a continuation? How does the romance of a married lover and a married man usually end?

According to statistics, married men prefer to have married lovers. In such a relationship, there are fewer problems and the likelihood of exposure is low, since both lovers are forced to carefully hide the betrayal.

Relationship between married and married person. Do they have a future?

Nobody is immune from love. Often, acquaintance with a married woman develops into a whirlwind romance, which brings a whirlwind of emotions and a sea of \u200b\u200bfeelings. The denouement in this case is quite obvious. But love does not invade life so often. According to statistics, only a few marry a lover. In other cases, dating for married and married people is just an outlet, allowing you to forget about all the problems for a while and plunge into a whirlwind of passions, after which the charge of optimism will last for a while. And what does such a relationship promise?

If lovers are not bound by real feelings, sooner or later such a union falls apart. The relationship of a married lover and a married man most often does not promise anything.

The wife's behavior after the betrayal changes dramatically. All that the woman in the family did not receive, she more than makes up for on the side. If a woman is the mistress of a rich man, she tries to get more from life not only emotionally, but also materially.

Unfortunately, as soon as the married lover of a married man is fed up with such a relationship or she ceases to be satisfied with something, the lovers will part without regret. Indeed, in fact, an open relationship without love does not promise anything at all.

A relationship in which at least one of the partners is in another marriage is always a difficult test. But even more difficult is the situation when a married man and a married woman meet for a romantic relationship. And yet, what can you see in such a relationship? More love or more problems?

Why is such a relationship popular now? Yes, you read it quite right. Now such relationships are quite popular in modern world... But both women and men have completely different reasons for such a romance. Women more often answer that they are interested in playing a “double game”, “trying” or simply taking revenge for cheating on their husband. A man needs a change of scenery, sometimes his wife does not suit him in bed, he has a middle-aged crisis and wants to feel desired (and the presence of a mistress confirms this status), and he is not monogamous by nature, therefore he may well satisfy many women ...

Such a relationship between a married man and a married woman has many advantages. Let's list them:

Both partners meet for sex. Indeed, the main thing is not family values, but ordinary sex. During meetings, they already think about how they will make excuses to their legal spouses, why they were late for dinner.
... They don't have time for courtship and long conversations. They must have time to be together in the interval between the route "home-work".
... They are calmer. Relationships in such couples are calmer, there are no unnecessary misunderstandings and tantrums, since in marriage they learned to bypass all sharp corners.
... Partners do not seek to destroy each other's legal family. It's simple - if a man and a woman agreed to become lovers, then their own family was fine. But an unmarried lover or an unmarried lover will require a stamp in the passport. Why do people who already have one family need it?
... Such couples do not spend money on expensive gifts for each other. For example, they most often do not have a question to give this for a holiday or birthday, because they absolutely understand that the partner's legal spouse will begin to pester with unnecessary conversations.
... They do not climb into each other's family, that is, they will not send flowers unexpectedly, they will not come to visit. Rather, on the contrary, they will do everything possible so that no one even knows about their relationship, if there are mutual acquaintances.
... This relationship is very easy to end. One conversation that one of the partners can no longer meet and the relationship can be attributed to the "archive". There will be no tantrums, tears and other absurdities, since everyone will immediately return to their family.

Such a relationship is also a risk for both partners, it is an opportunity to get adrenaline and positive emotions, which are lacking in ordinary life... And this is the main reason why the relationship between a married man and a married woman suits everyone.

Such relationships can continue in different ways. After all, if the other spouse does not notice or does not object to the existence of such a relationship "on the side", then they can last for years. But if everything is already nearing the end in such rare meetings, then, as a rule, this brings some emotional problems for partners. The man will immediately start looking for a new mistress, because suddenly he saw that he had more free time. And a woman, if she has an unhappy marriage, can completely immerse herself in herself, be offended by the whole world, feel remorse and even suffer. It is for her complete emotional recovery that more time will be needed and, possibly, even the help of a psychologist. Alas, it is very rare that the relationship between married and married ends in marriage, because both of them at the beginning of their relationship chose the game against the rules, and they will never play by the rules.