It turns out that it is so difficult to give an exact definition of true friendship! It cannot be weighed, measured or assessed. It is like a priceless shrine that is worshiped and idolized. When a person has real friends, it is easier for him to breathe and live. True friendship does not arise out of nowhere and instantly. D. Washington, for example, compared it to a slowly growing plant.
Why are people friends?
Remember, from Pushkin: “They got together. Wave and stone, poetry and prose, ice and fire? This is about the friendship between Lensky and Onegin. The poet explained the emergence of friendly relations between his heroes by the fact that there was nothing to do, boredom. Maybe. But it is precisely this definition that contains the main idea about the unsolved mystery of human relationships.
What motives make people make friends? What attracts one person to another? When relationships are built on common interests, it is a partnership. A friend is perceived differently: you can tell him about everything that worries you, he will not laugh at failures, he will support and help in difficult times.
There is an opinion that friendship is more often tested by happy events. In unpleasant situations or in trouble, a person, as a rule, receives help from family and friends, but only true friends are able to sincerely rejoice with you. For the most part, people are designed in such a way that the misfortune of others somehow calms them down, and they are happy that everything is fine with them. People often envy someone's success and victories. As a result, only a true friend can share the joy with you. True relationships are based on mutual understanding and mutual assistance.
Comrade or friend
These two concepts are often confused. Sometimes companionship develops into sympathy. They can be the first stage of friendship. A comrade can be a work colleague, a classmate, a “brother” in arms, in the party...
Not everyone becomes true friends. This concept is much broader and richer. It is impossible to predict friendship in life. There are situations when mutual sympathy arises in the first minutes of communication. But after a certain period of time you understand that this person is a stranger in spirit and perception.
But it also happens differently: at the beginning of communication, you exchange meaningless phrases and smiles. And suddenly, like an inspiration: this is your man! He is interesting and shares your views. What is meant by the concept of “one of our own”? It is the one that completes you. He provides support. When you meet him, you feel that you are sincerely happy to meet him, when you know that you want to protect him from insults and vicissitudes of life. True friendship is a precious gift, like a bright and pure diamond.
Signs of true friendship
Yes, there are unwritten laws and rules in friendship. They are not voiced, but many consider them to be the basis.
- True friendship presupposes the absence of rivalry. It values existing relationships so highly that neither party will dare to spoil them out of envy of a friend’s successes.
- True comrades are always ready to help, without expecting gratitude or reward. You can call them at any time of the day or night, and they will certainly give advice or come to you to support you.
- There will always be a reason and time for colleagues to meet, even if they are busy with work and family.
- True brothers are honest. They do not hide anything or deceive, because small lies give birth to big ones.
- Friends put up with each other's shortcomings without trying to change them.
- Mutual understanding is valuable in true friendship.
- The basis of friendly relations is trust. Only a true friend is told secrets and doubts in the hope that he will understand and help in a difficult situation.
- Companions suppress gossip and do not discuss each other's shortcomings with strangers.
- A true friend does not express his negative opinion about actions, behavior and appearance in public.
Undoubtedly, everyone wants to have a true friend. One that is not afraid of distance and time. How to find such brothers in spirit? No answer. They are not purposefully looking for a true comrade. True friendship is a gift of fate, one of the components of happiness.
The essence of such relationships is revealed in Antoine de Saint-Exupéry’s fairy tale “The Little Prince”. In the conversation between the Fox and the Little Prince, it is said that in order to become close, one must “create bonds.” A person should live in your heart, thoughts and life, and you in his. The French writer and philosopher Claude Adrian Helvetius said that a true friend is a kindred spirit, a person who understands another without words.
True friendship lasts for many, many years, forever. It passes the test of both time and distance. This is an indestructible brotherhood, tested by life, a valuable gift that must be treasured and protected like the apple of one’s eye. She helps you become free. In it you just need to be yourself, not pretend and not pretend to be better than you really are. This is the main thing in true friendship.
Despite the fact that the concept of “friendship” is very complex, it is found in the lives of each of us. Friendship does not have any clear boundaries, but it has a lot of subtle nuances and questions. It is difficult to understand that a person wants to be friends with you, but to be friends and understand another is even more difficult.
Can friendship be measured?
Not a single person on Earth can measure another person's friendship with 100% accuracy. This is simply unrealistic. Still, the presence of friendship can be determined by several points.
The desire to communicate is the very first criterion of a friend in modern society. If a person wants to communicate with us, then we very often mistakenly register him as “friends”. After all, it may be that this is just a “good friend.” A good and even the closest acquaintance stems from some circumstances (school, work, neighborhood) and does not imply great spiritual closeness. However, very often such an acquaintance develops into friendship.
It is also not always possible to call a true friend a person who constantly calls you and asks to meet and chat. In this case, you should be vigilant and take a closer look at the behavior of your “friend.” It may be that this person wants something from you and is seeking help from you. But when you need help, he will leave without even thanking you for your participation.
The use of human kindness and responsiveness is not so uncommon these days.
However, there is also a limit here - you should not calculate the exact amount of help given and received. You just have to understand what motives a person uses when communicating with you.
There is another incomprehensibility in “friendly relations”. After all, there are people who just want to chat, but they won’t be able to lend a shoulder in a critical situation.
But even in this case there are exceptions. For example, childhood friends who can communicate at most once a year, but still keep in touch. And why do you think? All because of the feeling and deep confidence that this person will again support you in difficult times, as before. Only then will friendship last, regardless of the circumstances.
What is true friendship based on?
Everyone should understand that friendship, like love, is a good attitude towards someone close to you. It is built on mutual understanding, mutual respect, acceptance of the advantages and disadvantages of another and the desire and ability to give help to a friend. Only when a person genuinely cares about you and wants to lend a friendly shoulder, then this is true friendship. After all, many people communicate with others only because of their ambitions and desire to get help.
It is also not very like affection when a person communicates with you because he has nothing better to do. So simple communication will never develop into friendship.
Using these criteria, you can determine whether a person is friends with you or not. Of course, it is very difficult to understand whether they are sincerely making friends with you or for the sake of their own interests. However, there is no point in checking people. Sometimes it's better to get hurt than to hurt another person's feelings because of suspicion. It is also advisable to pay attention to how you feel with your friend, because it is impossible to be closed and embarrassed with your friend.
Philosophers - classics and contemporaries - have found it difficult for a very long time and still find it difficult to find an answer to the question: “What is true friendship?” Their doubts are not surprising, because along with love, this concept causes many arguments and contradictions. Let's look at the basic definitions of this word that people widely use in everyday life nowadays.
- Friendship is a relationship between people of the same or different sexes, based on respect, trust, support and help. However, this concept does not fully describe the phenomenon. Indeed, in this case, mutually beneficial relationships are assumed, and the presence of self-interest in this or that issue is not acceptable.
- There is another definition of the term. Friendship is mutual communication between people based on common interests, morals and values. Yes it is. But in essence, this definition only complements the previous one and does not carry in itself any new and deep meaning.
- Friendship is an alliance between people. This is a spiritual definition that implies affection based on spending time together, a common system of values, interests, common goals and plans. This formulation describes the concept perfectly, but it is difficult to convey the process itself in words, since it is of a spiritual nature and difficult to define.
What is true friendship? It is difficult to give a definite answer, because the definition is multifaceted and meaningful. So that you can understand what it means, you need to understand the basic criteria by which friendship can be distinguished from other relationships.
Friendship criteria
To understand the essence of friendship, you can rely on certain criteria that this concept conceals.
- Union.
There is a marriage union, and there is a friendly one. The term does not imply temporary relationships, but long-term, even lifelong ones. True friendship is precisely an alliance concluded between people to overcome difficulties. This may include the definition of friendship between spouses who are struggling together with obstacles. If you want to have true friendship, you need to create an alliance.
- Attachment.
It can be both positive and negative. It all depends on how you influence each other. If one comrade has a negative impact on the other, then this is no longer friendship. True friends always bring good things to each other.
Example!
If one of the friends decides to go in for sports and build muscle, then the other will want to do it on his own, because he wants to support his friend and improve with him. If he begins to dissuade him and hope for failure, there can be no talk of any friendship.
- System of values.
For some, it is truly valuable to get to know yourself and the world around you. And for some - sitting in front of the TV. Some people are interested in fitness, while for others it is important to earn a lot of money. From the point of view of ancient knowledge, the best friendship is achieved between people who have common ideals. In this case, they will have more topics to talk about and more “fire in their eyes” when discussing them. Therefore, what is important is what you want from life and what your task is.
- Goals and plans.
This is also an important aspect. If a relationship has no future, it is not friendship, but spending time together. If you and a friend make plans, this indicates the reliability of your alliance.
Example!
Two guys are friends at the university, they study in the same group. They have common interests - gaining knowledge, mutual goals - successfully passing exams. Everything is fine until adulthood begins. Indeed, how many people have maintained their friendships after graduating from university? Units. If there were common goals (building a career in the same company, business, starting a family, building houses in the neighborhood), and efforts were made to achieve them, then friendship could be preserved.
All these criteria are especially important in order for true friendships to form.
Why is friendship needed?
In fact, it is enough to define what true friendship means. To find the answer to this question, you must not forget about the other concepts on which it is built. This is mutual respect, altruism, willingness to be needed and useful.
Why does this happen: people seem to be doing everything possible to maintain true friendship, but there is a gap? Communication is not going well, do you want to end the conversation as quickly as possible? This arises due to the presence of differences in development and values. A true friend is, first of all, an ally in life, with whom you want to grow and overcome obstacles.
In the world of entrepreneurship and spiritual development, there is a so-called “formula for success.” Let's look at what determines a person's effectiveness.
- Firstly, this is knowledge, the influence of which on the final result is 10%.
- Secondly, thinking, it makes up 10% of success.
- Thirdly - the most important thing - is our environment, which shapes 80% of our success in life.
The environment is our friends; they can pull us either up, helping us develop, or down, forcing us to degrade. Which friends to choose is up to everyone to decide for themselves. Only true comrades will be able to open the world in new colors and help in development, be there at the right moment and feel you like no one else.
Friendship is just like love, the strongest feeling that unites hearts. Nowadays, finding friends is very difficult, or it can be easy, we just have too many requirements for a potential friend. Or our thoughts are simply occupied with something more mundane. Or maybe you don’t need to look for friends, they will find you when you need someone’s help. Remember when you needed someone's help, who helped you? No, not carrying bags to the apartment, and not providing financial assistance, but something on a larger scale that is of great importance to you. And can you call him a friend?
A friend's help should not be material, it should be spiritual. After all, friendship is not matter, but feelings. Our physical needs for help are just a small thing in life, but they are of great importance to us because we pay too much attention to them. Moral or spiritual needs are what is important; if a person is in disequilibrium with himself, with his inner world, and is in a depressed state, then no physical or material help will be useful.
True friendship in the general sense cannot have rules, friends themselves set their own rules in their relationships, like birds build a nest, the general meaning of the nest is to live there and hatch eggs, give birth to offspring, but how and what leaf or twig to put or the bird decides to stick it in itself. It’s the same in friendship - friends themselves decide what is possible and what is not. Naturally, in friendship you need to not only take, but also give. But one always takes more than the other. Respect, sincerity, devotion are components of friendship, not rules.
A few years ago I met a chubby cutie, we became very friendly, we could chat for days, gave each other gifts for the holidays, went to visit, walked, went shopping, helped each other, supported each other in difficult times. But then something happened, for some reason we had a fight. I wouldn't say that much, but we were offended by each other. Now our paths have diverged, and I often think about her. The saying “we have, we don’t value, we lose by crying” is true. Having sat down to write this article, I seriously thought about real friendship and about her, maybe she is my friend? Before, when I was friends with her, I didn’t even think about friendship and the meaning of this word and the meaning of this relationship. Now I’m seriously thinking about friendship, about the meaning and significance of this phenomenon, and I’m trying to discern my friend in every close acquaintance.
It’s not for nothing that they say that friendship gives birth to love. To some extent, I believe that friendship is love. A reverent attitude towards a friend, a desire to help him or console him, or to rejoice at happy moments in his life, aren’t these signs of love? It is a certain amount of love that is present in true friendship. It’s just that a person wouldn’t be particularly worried about another person, and wouldn’t be particularly happy, instead of joy there would be envy. And in order to experience true friendship, you probably need to get used to each other’s characters. And having gone through all the obstacles and insults, it will still remain - friendship.
Now I often think about who should be called a friend and who should not. Now this word has meaning, but before I could call everyone with this title. And now I think before calling her a friend. I guess I'm obsessed with friendship. So, I have one friend. I've known her for at least five years. At first she irritated me very much, her voice, laughter, behavior, manners - in general, everything! Even the appearance. I somehow didn’t want to get close to her, but studying in college did its job, we got along with her, so to speak, in my opinion, or rather, I got used to her. It was a friendship of convenience, I think, in order to survive in this environment, and not to drown in the pool of everyday couples. Two years have passed since we graduated from this college, and during this period, it seems to me, we got used to each other well, and we still communicate. I have fallen in love with her over the years, although she lives a little far from me, we often communicate with her, but see each other occasionally. Now she is pregnant, last month, and I am expecting her child with her, and I am very happy for her.
They also say that you don’t choose your friends. And, in my opinion, they really choose. Nowadays, our chosen friend must meet all our requirements, as if we were choosing a better and cheaper multifunctional phone. With more benefit and less cost. Many parents tell their offspring “don’t be friends with him! He can’t be your friend!” so that they communicate with children from their circle. From what circle? Children are just that, children. They have neither education nor work. Nothing. They don’t even have a circle, it turns out that parents choose friends for their children, looking at the parents of this child. Does friendship have any limits? After all, a friend does not necessarily have to have a good job, or a higher education, or even two higher educations. A friend is a friend, and is not measured by the cash in your wallet, or a good position. You can be friends with everyone, everywhere, with anyone. The spiritual connection between friends is important, not the monetary one. We have forgotten how to feel, we have only naked calculation. Don't confuse friendship with calculation. If nothing in your heart quivers when you think about a friend, then it is unlikely that this is friendship.
I don’t think that in true friendship there should be common goals and interests; you can be friends without all this. Although in our time they are friends with those people with whom they have common interests, because people do not want to bother themselves with looking for a real friend with whom they have different interests. After all, it’s sometimes interesting to argue with a friend on certain topics that concern either you or him. Just be friends, no matter what. Communicate with a person, admire him, see the inner world of another person. Just be friends with a person because he is, just respect him and his interests, because he is your friend.
Although I am friends with my classmate, those around us consider us best friends, and I am also trying to discern this friendship in our relationship. At the university we never leave each other a step, we are always and everywhere together. And it seems to me that in our relationship she takes more than she gives. I don’t really welcome conversations about my personal life right now, but she really welcomes it, so I know everything about her, but she knows practically nothing about me. During our studies we are always together, but in our free time from studying we don’t see each other very often and rarely call each other. I forgot to say that we are studying via correspondence courses. So you can imagine what kind of friendship we have. But I imagine friendship differently.
I remember our last quarrel very vividly. We only swear virtually, in reality we haven’t sweared yet, but even so we said a bunch of nasty things that anyone could feel bad from such words and expressions. Although they say that no matter how friends fight, they always remain friends. I was convinced of this. The next day we started communicating as if nothing had happened. Or maybe the prospect of studying together at the institute for another four years contributed to this??? Isn't this a prime example of friendship of convenience? And although I have warm feelings for her and no matter how much we fight, they will not disappear. And if I lose her too, will I think about her? And would I want to renew the friendship? After all, for now the university unites us.
I understand that each person has his own ideas about true friendship, but, unfortunately, ideas do not always correspond to reality, maybe some ideas can be turned into reality, but not friendship. And, probably, those who don’t think about friendship and don’t bother about its meaning and meaning have real friends; they just make friends without thinking. And the one who thinks about all this means that he chooses friends according to some criteria in order to create an ideal friendship according to his ideas. But real friendship is not created this way, it arises. So, you don’t need to think, but you need to feel and listen to your heart. Don't idealize, but accept friendship for what it is. Better yet, don’t think about friendship, just be friends!
The words of the famous children's song “a friend will not leave you in trouble” are a vivid example of how friendly relationships are perceived by a person. What is friendship and does it exist in the modern world, where people communicate through social networks, and so rarely meet in real life.
Does friendship exist?
The concept of friendship has been considered for many centuries by representatives of various philosophical movements, but the main researchers were writers, poets and psychologists. The phenomenon of friendship is not limited to any specific framework, but in the general understanding of most people, friendship is a close and trusting relationship between people, based on mutual attraction of interests, and an intuitive understanding of each other.
Psychology of friendship
The problem of friendship exists, sociologists are sure of this. In the fast-paced age of computer technology, people prefer to communicate via mobile means, while there is often no time for a personal meeting. People lose a lot: there are no friendly pats on the shoulder, no eye contact, and there is practically no warmth. Psychologists believe that the value of friendship lies in meetings, direct live contact, and the lack of full communication can become... The psychology of friendship lies in its positive aspects:
- feeling “I’m not alone!” against loneliness and isolation;
- Only in the presence of a significant other does a person reveal himself as a person and learn to be a friend.
Types of friendship
Why are people friends? The first mention of the importance of friendship is found in ancient treatises. Poets sing of the value of a shoulder that turns out to be nearby in difficult times and the desire to carry friendly feelings throughout life. In society, it is customary to divide friendships according to age and gender characteristics. Types of friendship:
- Children's- the child learns about the world and tries to build relationships with others, learning something new and interesting together. Children bond through common games.
- Youth– a high need to express oneself and one’s feelings. Friendship at this age carries a high emotional charge. The qualities of another are overestimated and exalted - in a good way, this helps to survive difficult moments in life: misunderstanding of parents, feelings of one’s own inferiority. Youthful friendship can develop into love.
- Adult– sometimes this is the friendship that was formed in childhood and strengthened over the years. Such friends know all the ins and outs of each other - such friendship is a very rare phenomenon, and therefore very valuable. There are several types of adult friendship: situational, friendly, business.
- Male friendship– there are legends about her, many songs have been sung and wonderful books have been written. What male friendship is is well shown in the Soviet film “The Three Musketeers”: mutual assistance, acceptance of a person completely with all his shortcomings, trust and help even in situations where a friend is in trouble through his own fault. Often among women, male friendship causes misunderstanding and envy.
- – men believe that it does not exist in nature. What women's friendship is can be seen in the movie Sex and the City.
For representatives of the fairer sex, the following are important in friendship:
- sympathy and empathy;
- loyalty;
- sincerity;
- a different opinion on the situation;
- trusting relationship;
- the opportunity to receive the necessary support at any time of the day or night.
What is true friendship?
What does it mean to be friends - not just to be friends and drink coffee together from time to time, but for real? People who have no friends often feel acute loneliness and melancholy. The truest friendship lies in a state of involvement and genuine interest in a loved one, when friends share both sadness and joy. Soul mates - one of the theories of reincarnation explains the phenomenon of friendship by joint incarnations in past lives. Souls strive to find each other and subsequently, when they meet, there is a strong feeling that they have known each other for a long time, even though they met for the first time.
What does friendship give to a person?
Friendship in a person’s life is one of the highest values, coming after family. A friend is a mirror in which you see your reflection. What values does friendship bring to relationships?
- mutual complementation of each other's positive qualities;
- feeling of support;
- a pleasant pastime;
- mutual assistance and assistance in difficult moments;
- teaches selflessness and devotion;
What is the most important thing in friendship?
A lot has been said about friendship, but how to determine which parameter is the most important in a relationship and who is a true friend? Each person has his own opinion regarding the hierarchy of friendship values: for some it is fidelity and the ability to trust all secrets, which is typical for women; for men it is joint adventures: fishing, hiking, hunting. The general criteria for friendship are the enduring, eternal virtues: decency, kindness, and sincere interest in each other.
How to learn to be friends?
For some people, the problem is that it is difficult to build relationships with people and, as a result, loneliness develops. Many people want to have close friends, but for a number of reasons they do not know how to maintain even formal contacts. How to be friends correctly and are there any specific rules of friendship? Social psychologists give a number of recommendations to help you establish a connection with the person you like and develop relationships that develop into friendship; for this you need:
- overcome shyness and get to know each other;
- take the initiative of dating into your own hands;
- be an open person;
- develop ;
- learn to listen to others;
- provide support in difficult situations;
- understand that developing relationships requires a lot of time, effort and work.
What ruins friendship?
The test of friendship occurs over time. People go through certain stages of life together with various tests, not everyone survives them. Reasons why even the strongest friendships can break down:
- The emerging love of friends for one person.
- One of the friends is rapidly becoming rich, the other finds it difficult to accept different social status.
- Betrayal and meanness. The reasons may be different - but it happens (the best friend takes his wife/husband away).
Books about friendship
The value of friendship is sung by poets and writers. How to be friends with people and be a true friend - these important lessons can be learned from books of classical and modern literature:
- "Three Musketeers". A. Dumas. - A book about love, devotion to honor and principles. This work is the most filmed in the whole world.
- "Hearts of Three" D. London. – A novel about self-sacrifice for a friend and that no wealth can replace love and friendship.
- "Three Comrades", Erich Maria Remarque. - A book about real, sincere feelings that the author so masterfully conveyed.
- "Jane Eyre. S. Bronte". - Selflessness and friendship between the main characters, which grew into love.
- "A Street Cat Named Bob". J. Bowen. - Friendship between humans and animals helps James overcome prolonged depression and drug addiction.
