*** Jokes about the average salary and the milkmaid ***
The average salary in Russia is when one
a person receives 2,000,000, and 100 others receive 8,000 rubles. Then on average they get
27,000 rubles. And now in simple terms: Petya has 10 apples, and Vasya has 0, on average, both have 5 apples. Officials eat meat, and I eat cabbage, on average we eat cabbage rolls. The wife of the collective farm director Manya sleeps with everyone, and the milkmaid Luda does not give to anyone, but on average they are both whores. That is how we live.
*** Jokes about work and salary ***
What did they tell you about the salary increase? - Guess with three letters ...
*** Funny jokes about salary ***
From a telephone conversation at work: - What is your name? - Slavik. - And the middle name? - With such a salary - just Slavik.
*** Anecdote about the salary in Russia and the waiter ***
The former waiter got a job as a policeman. They ask him how he is with his new job. He: - The salary, of course, is not the same, and there is no tip, but what I like is that the client is always wrong!
*** Anecdote about presidents and salaries ***
The presidents of France, the USA and Russia are meeting.
Sarkozy:
- We have a salary of 8000 euros per month, taxes, this-and-so, they receive 7500
euro. Accommodation costs 3,000 euros. Where do the other 4500 go, fuck them
knows!
Obama:
- We have a salary of $ 10,000 per month, taxes, this-syo, they receive
8500 dollars. You need 4000 to live. Where do the other 4500 go, hell
knows them!
Medvedev:
- We have a salary of 8,000 rubles a month, taxes, this, that, they get on hand
6500 rubles. You need 10,000 for accommodation. Where do the remaining 3,500 come from, hell
knows them!
*** Joke about delayed wages and a gun ***
The guy got a job in the police, and has not received a salary for 3 months.
The boss comes to him and says:
- Why haven't you received your salary already?
- And I thought that they gave out a pistol - and spin as you can ...
*** Anecdote about a small salary and a mint ***
Employees of the mint, in view of the lack of funds due to the crisis, are paid with the money they produce.
*** Jokes about officials' salaries and theft ***
How disgraced Bogatyreva - her performance in Mogilyanka turned out to be pure plagiarism. - It seems that the Security Council has such a small salary that you have to steal.
*** Anecdote about salaries in different countries and the crisis ***
A real crisis and a complete pi..etz will come when Belarusians will leave migrant workers to Tajikistan or Moldova.
*** Anecdote about the salary of teachers and poor students ***
Judging by the salaries of the teachers, our government is made up of vengeful Losers.
*** Anecdote about the application for a salary increase and the boss ***
From whom: dick
To: Management
I, Dick, in this application, I ask you to raise my salary for the following
reasons:
- I do physical research all the time
- I work at great depths
- I dive headlong into everything I do
- I have no days off or holidays
- I work in a humid environment
- I don't get paid overtime
- I work in dark places with poor ventilation
- I work with high temperatures
- my work exposes me to infectious diseases
DEAR FUCK!
AFTER STUDYING YOUR STATEMENT AND DISCUSSING ALL ARGUMENTS, WE HAVE COME TO
CONCLUSION THAT WE HAVE TO REFUSE YOU TO INCREASE Wages ON THE FOLLOWING
REASONS:
- YOU DO NOT HAVE 8 HOUR WORKING DAY
- YOU FALL ASLEEP AT WORK AFTER SHORT FOLLOWING THE INSTRUCTIONS
- YOU DO NOT ALWAYS FOLLOW THESE INSTRUCTIONS
- YOU DO NOT STAY IN THE FORMED FOR YOU AND FREQUENTLY VISIT OTHER PLACES
- YOU DO NOT TAKE AN INITIATIVE - YOU SHOULD BE PRESSURE AND
STIMULATE TO GET STARTED
- YOU LEAVE YOUR WORKPLACE DIRTY AT THE END OF EACH JOB
- YOU DO NOT ALWAYS FOLLOW THE NECESSARY SAFETY RULES
- YOU LEAVE PENSION BEFORE YOU HAVE BEEN 65 YEARS OLD
- YOU ARE NOT ABLE TO DO MULTIPLE TASKS IN PARALLEL
- YOU ARE FREQUENTLY QUIT THE JOB WITHOUT FINISHING IT
IN ADDITION OF ALL THESE REASONS, LET'S ADD THAT YOU HAVE BEEN NOTED ONCE
COMING OUT OF THE WORKPLACE WITH TWO SUSPICIOUS BAGS.
WITH RESPECT,
MANAGEMENT
*** Anecdote about salary and movers ***
I once had a pleasant dream ... Seven movers carried my salary!
*** Anecdote about salary and legs ***
These are the legs! Wow! And the hips, the hips! You've seen?! - Vasya, what are the legs with your salary? - Right, damn it. Give two soup sets!
*** Anecdote about salary and bags ***
The drunken husband comes home. The wife begins to lament: - He got drunk again! Where is the salary, where is the money ?! - In bags. - Where are your bags? - Under the eyes.
*** Anecdote about salary and prostitutes ***
Radio message: - Donetsk prostitutes went to a rally demanding that the miners be paid wages ...
*** Anecdote about salary and Vovochka ***
*** Anecdote about salary and work ***
Salary, do you even know that I work?! ...
*** Anecdote about salary and miracles ***
Fuck you get this laptop, and even free! - Yes, but the miracle is happening! - Yes, only when you are 6 years old and miracles fit into my father's salary.
*** Anecdote about the salary and the paw ***
Again, the salary is delayed .. On the weekend, we suck a paw? - Those who are now sitting silently will suck their paws, and if you continue to perform, you will be different !!!
*** Anecdote about salary and restrictions ***
Sometimes a salary makes us a disabled person.
*** Anecdote about salary and honey ***
The salary is like Winnie the Pooh's honey ... If it is, then it is not there right away!
Cool statuses and aphorisms about salary
Have lost wallet with salary! We kindly ask the finder - DO NOT LITTLE !!!
H I once had a good dream - Four loaders carried my salary.
D de to take work experience, if without it they do not take anywhere?
D money is evil. Money can not buy happiness. The one who is strong in spirit is rich ... How else to calm yourself down until the salary is given?
ABOUT th! Ooty, what a tiny charm !!! What a pretty one !!! Is this my salary ?! Go crazy !!! .. Give me two !!!
- H What salary do you expect?
“Wow, is that all for me?”
L anniversary, romance ..., but whatever one may say - the most expected - that the salary is transferred
IN chera got the calculation. Here I sit and think. With such an awesome salary like mine, I have to come to work, say hello and leave.
M I earn a lot, but I get little ...
H in the Kalashnikov assault rifle plant, wages are made day in, day out, minute in minute!
Z Arplata whispers - let's go somewhere ... No, I say, stay at home, you're still little.
E it's not a salary, it's some kind of monthly ...
P I practically live at work, but my salary is getting lower. Apparently they began to deduct for living.
E If a brilliant idea came into the head of the boss, then someone will be doing x # yney all day!
P With my salary, I can only afford a fur coat from ... ...
M not urgently need two salaries! One with me does not last long.
H it’s funny for an American, or a salary for a Russian.
P examined the advance receipt. I realized that this month for my leadership is called NOVEMBER ...
R Earlier I read jokes for free, but now we have installed the Internet at work, and I began to receive a salary for it!
Z the payment will not be raised soon,
And there won't be a Ferrari fur coat.
Ishach for a penny to the grave -
The Fatherland will not forget you!
FROM koro again we have a salary. Five minutes at the ATM. One hour in the store - again we have no money!
R born to walk - forced to go to work.
E it's not a salary!
This is monetary compensation for the time lost at work!
P it seems that our fabulous salary has not only the invisibility hat in store, but also the walking boots.
Z arplata not compatible with life ...
FROM such a salary in relationships with women can only afford erotic dreams.
FROM such a salary as in Russia .... you need to live in Africa ... Panties .., beads ... and that's all - Beauty
Have RA! Increased salary!
On the "grid" ... honestly ... not by pull!
I can (bow to the authorities)
buy another loaf ...
H I eat more salary, the less you can stretch without it.
D A decent salary is when you already need to get the next one, and you haven't spent the previous one.
H then the woman has on her mind, then the man has a two-month salary
R The distance Paris-Dakar is nonsense. Advance-salary distance - that's a test!
X I look where there is no work and a salary every day!
D For unrealizable desires, you need not a salary, but money.
- K drank my boots, gave half my salary ...
- Gosha! What kind of boots are that?!?
- Ordinary boots, the salary is ...
D de the cat who cried my salary?
H and the boss never yells at me. He knows that I am not afraid of him and will easily send nah ... But this is the only thing good for a salary of 3 thousand rubles ...
M uzhskaya independence - gave his salary and is free !!
H New Presidential Decree: "Anyone who complains that he cannot feed his children for wages should be given condoms."
H so I lived like on payday.
TO How many bright colors the "gray" salary adds to our lives ...
H what makes me happy is the salary. So funny!
- H what did they tell you about the salary increase?
- Guess with three letters ...
H em - salary in envelopes!
Yes - salary in parcels !!!
E that salary day smelled like rollton, it's a joy with tears in my eyes!
IN Faith in justice decreases with every salary ...
Pension is better than all the best diets, I want to eat, but there is no opportunity. And about the salary, a similar story - The budget won't allow overeating ...
Mini skirts, Mini dresses, mini fur coats are very fashionable. And the salaries became mini: One, another - and there is no trace.
Love, as they say in different books. It is more beautiful than any miracle of miracles, But it is much more beautiful to read, That they have listed the salary of SMS.
An arrow on tights, a heel is barely alive, Dropped, a fool, an iron on my leg, Burned the collar of my favorite blouse, It would be better if I died in early childhood. The evil dog howls below the floor, They turned off the water, even if you were a homeless person, Coffee runs away, the entire stove is covered, (It was my breakfast - no alternatives). She sank into a chair, clenching her fists - Under me glasses habitually crunched. And what will I buy a new attribute for, If they give me a salary in rubles? I'll bend over the bathtub to wash away the tear - Fat fold will flow down below. And I'm stuck in the subway halfway ... Life is beautiful, her mother!
In a country where bribes, winters are cold Salaries where they do not pay for three years It's easy to be a patriot, but outside, And very, very difficult from the inside!
Raised on bright ideals At first glance, they are decent guys ... But only gratitude is not enough for them, They want some kind of salary !!!
Answer my question, or caress it with a rolling pin! I'll bite you off ... your nose Or I'll break it! I will show such power! .. I need explanations: Why didn't you eat my borscht ?! Where, goof, is your salary ?!
The shovel flew, Fell into the swamp, What a salary, Such a job.
Soon we have a salary again. Five minutes at the ATM. In the store one hour again we have no money!
The mentor of rural tractor drivers Taught them (though to no avail): "Be able to drink your salary quickly, So as not to be absent for a long time!"
Oleg does not want to live in Izhevsk, he is nicer than sen trope and he goes there for his entire salary for twenty-five seconds
A specialist who understands the axle boxes And repairs any units himself In the village, he does not lie on the road Although sometimes it happens ... on payday.
My salary leaves
Much better to wish for
There is nothing to cry about
Sob
The salary will not be raised soon, And there will be no fur coats from Ferrari. Ishach for a penny to the grave - The Fatherland will not forget you!
I’ll come to work, guys, Even if they don’t pay. Anyway, I’m not going to get your salary for a whole month.
Oh, director, you are mighty, You chase flocks of clouds, Forcing us to leave for work on Saturday. Al will you deny me the answer? Haven't you seen where in the world you have an annual salary? I'm looking for her ...
- Wait, there is a mountain in the north, There is a deep hole in it, In that hole on three ropes The coffin is swinging from gold. Your salary is in that coffin!
You are Russian, even at night, Without getting a salary for a year. Again, do not sleep, knowing for sure that you do not want to drink, but you must.
Hide the gun, give your salary and don't joke with your mother-in-law anymore and remember that your wife sees everything through a telescopic sight
We all dream of a salary. It is so pleasant for us to spend. This fascinating process It relieves stress well for us.
Wings Lena Onegin's obscenities in response to even worse obscenities cannot be delayed for prompters of salaries
They gave me a salary, all my pockets are in money! Hello clubs! Bonjorno confused! There is a cigarette in your teeth, alcohol in your mouth, Task! Zero to zero by morning!
Today Tanya told me how are things, some type, but before he brought a salary and did not say anything
"Be generous!" - That way on a poster ... With a beggarly salary.
A disgusting sound in the morning silence came over the crumpled bed. Well, it's time to get up, man, and go to work - for a salary. You are with feeling, through deaths, abnormal, like a grenade (what is boiling - tell me everything), but according to the fate of your hunchback. And everything that he lived and valued, what he did and what he invested in, will seem like a waste, when the awakened Tajik restlessly - whack and whack!
- in the Russian snow - with a shovel.
Be healthy, live rich, as far as your salary allows you. And if your salary does not allow you to live, Then do not live, no one will bond.
There are TWO questions to the directorate. I wish to know, in the end:
- When will you triple my salary? And what is "Fuck all over the face"?
As everything was, so will be the Fool - anyone will offend Their work only loves And the salary - hates
I drink the fifth day. Everything, guys do not climb. When will this salary end?
I gave the salary to My daughter Allochka. With it, she bought an Eskimo on a stick.
The weather whispers: buy a coat. The salary whispers: it's already warm.
I remember a wonderful moment, You appeared before me, Like a fleeting vision ... Salary, were you there?
For gas ... For electricity ... For the Internet ... For a new meter at the entrance ... For my daughter's kindergarten ... Intercom ... Taxes ... Pension fund ... For a loan to the bank ... And on a mobile phone ... And for food in the refrigerator ... Refuel by car ... Courses ... Hut ... Have you ever had a salary?
Such rubbish in our life, Such rubbish in our swarm. Raise your salary three times a day.
The salary was given in words and I carry my family without two syllables eighteen thousand words
In winter and summer, on weekdays and on Saturdays, In the villages, cities are in a hurry to go somewhere Specialists with work experience, But all with almost no salary experience ...
Excuse me for addressing you, Elect me as a deputy. I want to do bullshit by raising my own salary.
For a long time there is no place in the houses, even the garages are crammed with dough, What to do is not clear, if again, The salary will be given out to Anji tomorrow ...
To see the smile of Mona Lisa Perhaps you don't need to go to the Louvre. It is enough to ask your spouse: "Kisa, Tell me where is my salary?"
What can no longer be believed - let it come true! We will open the door wide open for a miracle - And there will be a holiday on our street !! Just believe! You just really believe !!! And in the early sunny morning, sometime, Suddenly the boss will call into the office, With a piece of paper "Raising salaries" You will be handed a warm envelope. You will discover hidden talents in your wife And you will not quarrel with her at a picnic! The son will bring the top five in dictation - the only one in the whole diary !!! And even a blonde neighbor, (With whom you would have been glad for a long time ...), Seeing how you walk with a full net, Allows you to pinch your ass !!! And from the mother-in-law battle, the hot ones will be forgotten, And you will not see your daughter-in-law and brother-in-law. What can no longer be believed - let it come true! Just believe! You just really believe !!!
I remember a wonderful moment, I received the salary. And suddenly she, like a ghost, Disappeared with the smell of melting.
Vanya is crying very loudly! Lost a ball today, a car, an office, a cat, a hut, a summer house, an account, a garage, a salary, Breakfast, dinner and lunch, A rare and mean m ** t, Boring evening on the couch. Nafig everything swam to Tanya. Here are the consequences of a divorce, But Freedom was found!
Let everything that our people dream of bring us a new year as a gift. Let them become bald like mammoths shaggy, Thin ones - fat, and the poor - rich. Let the salary rise ten times, And all that everyone needs from this life.
The chef said "No salary!" More humor for lunch. Well, I'm calm - I'll be slim by summer!
Here's what I will say, guys, Frankly, not concealing: There is no such salary in the world that I would be happy ...
He worked in a bank on Taganka, He had a safe and a hole punch, And a framed portrait of his wife adorned his desk. He was honest by Russian standards, He had neither money nor enemies ... This is such an inconspicuous clerk Mitya Fools walked through life. But in one beautiful moment, As if in a dream or delirium In the elevator with the Chairman of the Management Board, He ran into trouble. And in thought, apparently about the eternal, Looking at Mitya like a father, He said, embracing him by the shoulders:
- You know, Mitya, we got a fuck ... Goodbye, smiling crookedly, Looking beyond the line of good and evil, He left, and assets went away with him, And Mitin's salary went away ...
I do not receive my salary for a year, They turned off the water, gas and electricity. I don’t know such other country ... And there is no other SUCH country!
The ghost of my salary for February quietly wanders around the house, he could not complete his earthly mission in full
Peeled the onion. I burst into tears inappropriately Then my wife remarked seriously: "Better think about your salary, So as not to waste tears."
Every grown man, like any other cattle, has fats and carbohydrates and of course protein! He must dive, drink, smoke, jump on the girls, otherwise he will explode, bang-bang - and he is gone!
I spend on drink my salary, Soon the money will be worthless, I soar like a bird in the sky of dreams, Pretzels wobble my knees.
Our Tanechka is crying, Her husband is gone, the salary is melting, Wherever we can borrow money, Mother is fucking shitty.
The General still needs to know the ancient Truth, simple wisdom: "If an employee is satisfied with his salary, then he is stealing something somewhere."
Good Santa Claus, Beard made of cotton wool, Make everyone in the Kremlin and in the Duma, As our salaries!
It's good to have a man, To clean the house, Cook soup, drive a car And give the salary.
A man worriedly repents to his wife: The salary has already ended A month - does not end !!!
I am elegant, creative, good-looking, positive. Take a boy into the team, With a salary in fish or mice.
I have never lived luxuriously, I have not seen how people live in the country of Bahrain. You can live on my salary. Difficult last 28 days.
I am not at all sad for no reason, I would have killed him a long time ago, bastard. We fought over trifles again, Which is called "his salary."
To see the smile of Mona Lisa, Perhaps you don't even need to go to the Louvre. It is enough to ask your spouse: "Kisa, tell me, dear, where is my salary?"
Cranked a bourgeois scheme gray, I bought white Merciers on credit, White Merciers, black salaries, Unbaptized guarantors!
Vanka returned from the North Not alone, but with a fool, He says they gave a salary For the whole year in kind.
How to spend your salary? I'm not breaking my brains! Half - for rent, half - for debts!
The mechanic hippolyte has three states of aggregation; he is as hard as a stone on payday, then flows down into smoke at night
The weather forecasters were left without a picnic the other day and without salaries the weather changed dramatically it was hail
Meat-processing plant, young director, Pays salary with sausage, If only he knew our sausage By color and taste! In our sausage, liver and hearts, Ring finger without a ring!
I bought a book called "Scarce" For some reason I thought, guys, That I would figure it out by reading a little How the salaries of pilots are calculated.
I once had a wonderful dream: Seven movers carried my salary!
The best statuses about money and salary
The bank is the place where you will happily lend money if you can prove that you earn enough not to need it.
Money can work for free.
Oddly enough, the money comes in once a month, but leaves several times and every day.
Money is evil. Money can not buy happiness. The one who is strong in spirit is rich ... How else to calm yourself down until the salary is given?
I gave myself to work! I thought for money, but when I received my salary, I realized that it was for love.
Soon we have a salary again: five minutes at the ATM, one hour in the store - again we have no money!
I want to go where there is no work and a salary every day!
Do not be afraid to spend a lot, be afraid to earn little.
I have not a salary, but a salary ... to whom I just did not complain about it.
Ad. The theater invites a young temperamental actress. Payment per act!
I am looking for a salary giver. Employers, please do not disturb!
My dream is to take courses on salary increase!
My life is sheer boredom! But everything changes when they come: money on the card!
Friday salary is a blow to the liver.
With such a salary as in Russia, you need to live in Africa ... panties, beads ... and a beauty!
For gas, for electricity, for the Internet, for a new meter at the entrance ... for a son in a kindergarten, a doorphone, taxes, a pension fund ... for a loan to a bank and for a mobile phone, and for food in the refrigerator ... refuel a car, courses, hut ... Have you ever had a salary?
Don't be surprised by the statistics of average salaries! In a set of 1 elephant and 10 ants, the average mass of an ant can reach 500 kg.
People, as a rule, earn exactly what they think they can earn.
Oh! Wow, what a tiny beauty! How pretty! Is this my salary ?! Wow! Give two!)))
I diagnosed myself with an allergy to money when I see my salary: my eyes are watering and I start sneezing to work. And only the premium temporarily relieves the symptoms ...
What salary are you expecting? -Wow, is that all for me?
I got my salary today ... here I am sitting and thinking what to buy - one winter boot or a sleeve from a down jacket?
Prices are rising ... But the salaries are so stable!
Let's go somewhere, have a drink, relax? -No, salary, you are still too small, stay at home!
Life is sad, but the salary is funny.
Money is a drug: payday is euphoria, on the day it ends - withdrawal, dependence on them for life ...
The advance inspires hope, the pay kills her.
My first earned billion (0.00000734% completed).
Damn, they give you your salary, spend the money and think: “If you would give money a week later, I wouldn’t sit without money.”
What matters is not what your salary is, but how you manage to live on this money.
